Everyone has their secrets and it is natural to keep some information to oneself. Even your elderly parents may keep secrets from you; these are not lies but a matter of withholding information.

Falls are one of the most common secrets elderly parents keep from their family

Often, ageing parents keep secrets from their children because this gives them a greater sense of independence; they might also fear their family’s reaction to particular incidents or might even feel embarrassed about sharing particular things.

Although it is normal for your elderly parents to keep secrets from you, one must be careful to ensure these are not detrimental to your loved one’s health.

Falls are ranked as one of the most common secrets that elderly parents keep from their family; this is worrying because falls can be very dangerous as they are a leading cause of injury and hospitalisation among the elderly.

Often elderly parents do not notify their family when such accidents happen because they fear they will be admitted to a nursing home or a health facility. So be on the lookout for any signs of bruising, decreased mobility and loss of balance that might be affecting your elderly parents, as these can be signs of recent falls.

Another common concern the elderly avoid mentioning is pain, often resulting in unnecessary suffering and distress. Pain may also cause other undesirable effects, such as increased blood pressure and overall discomfort.

This sometimes leads to another issue elderly parents keep to themselves – the misuse or abuse of painkillers and medications. The use of pain­killers without doctor’s orders is common among the elderly. Although if taken properly pain­killers do help alleviate suffering, they are not always the only solution, and should never be taken without first consulting a doctor.

Furthermore, painkillers on their own obviously do not solve the problem, or address the condition causing the ache and discomfort in the first place. Instead, the misuse of medication may cause adverse reactions and side effects, especially when taking multiple medications or at a higher dose than necessary.

Sometimes it is not easy to find out whether your elderly loved ones are taking painkillers without doctor’s orders. The best way to deal with this issue is to schedule a visit with the family doctor to check exactly what medication your elderly loved ones are being prescribed. It is also recommended to check, from time to time, that the supplies of medication your parents have are being used up at a normal rate, as per their daily dosage. A good idea would also be to prepare the daily pills in a labelled container or pillbox, to minimise confusion.

Dizziness is another issue your parents might be keeping from you. This may be the result of medication side effects, or can be caused by a sudden decrease in blood pressure or blood glucose. Although your ageing parents may avoid mentioning this not to raise any alarm, it is something that should be taken seriously.

Monetary problems may also be something your parents might not share with you as this causes embarrassment and they may fear for their financial independence. Financial difficulties can be very serious and somewhat worrying because subsequently your ageing parents might refrain from spending money on the right foods and medicine, which will clearly have negative effects on their health. Also make sure that your parents are not making too many frivolous purchases.

Therefore, watch out for new items and strange merchandise, since it is easy for your loved ones to get into the habit of buying unnecessary items. Have bank statements and credit cards checked; although this may sound intrusive, having your parents’ finances in check is part of the care-giving process. Government health benefits may also be considered to relieve the financial problems your elderly parents might be going through.

It is crucial to address all these issues in a calm way and avoid dismissive tones and talking down to your parents; instead, encourage an open dialogue and listen carefully to their concerns. By understanding your elderly loved one’s apprehension and worries you will be better equipped to communicate with them and deal with their difficulties the correct way.

Be receptive to what your parents have to say and listen carefully to concealed messages that might come across in the remarks made, while trying to find solutions that work for all involved.

Mr Zammit is a care manager.

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