You know what it’s like: a restaurant full of couples staring across a table decked with flowers, desperately trying to think of something to say to one another.

A locket and a card exchanged as some sort of reminder of a love that once was.

But, according to the authors of a radical new book on relationship, Valentine’s Day can all too frequently be a charade and a distraction from the problems in a relationship. Their solution is that we’d be much better off having a blazing row.

British spiritual psychotherapist Andrew Wallas says: “Valentine’s Day is a marketing construct and is hyped up as an excuse to apply a band-aid to what is a much bigger problem. What is often happening is that couples have fallen out of love which each other and they don’t know how to fall back in love again.”

The Valentine’s ritual, he explains, makes us think about our relationships without providing any real solutions – and that can lead to couples actually splitting, rather than enhancing their relationships.

Recent research in the US has indicated that there is even an increase in divorce applications around mid-February.

In their new book, Call off the Search, co-authored with his journalist wife Anna, Andrew talks about the things that can really inject the romance and love into a relationship after the initial fizz has gone.

“It’s a truthful exchange of ideas that will really get things kick-started again – and if this results in a row then that is healthy.

What’s most important is being honest with yourself – and your partner – about how you really feel and what you need from your relationship.”

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