They fell into fostering because they wanted to give something back to a child... and in return, they are one big happy family. Claudia Calleja experiences the joys – and worries – of accepting an appreciative little boy into their home, but knowing he can leave as suddenly as he arrived.

Sean* and Lilly* sit on the sofa in their living room, hunched over an iPad, as they take it in turns to play an exciting game and occasionally whine because their turn is overdue.

He has started to question why he has two sets of parents and we hope this will not weigh down on him

“Ma, tell him. It’s my turn,” Lilly, seven, protests as she reports Sean, four, for hijacking the game they are meant to be sharing.

Her mother tells Sean he should share and, with his eyes still fixed on the game, he says: “Soon, mummy.”

“He’s changed so much since he first came here when he was two-and-a-half. He could barely walk or speak,” Sean’s foster parents, Jane and Edward Borg*, recall with affection.

The couple, who have three daughters aged between seven and 12, sort of “fell into” the fostering world just under three years ago when Government’s support agency, Appoġġ, issued a call for people interested in fostering.

Mr Borg was interested and convinced his wife to look into it. They called Appoġġ and, before they knew it, they were attending a fostering course.

“We were interested and wanted to find out. But they started showing us how many children are in care and the effects on them. And we decided to go for it… We wanted to give something back to a child,” Mr Borg says with a smile in his eyes.

Appoġġ recommended that they take a child who was younger than their youngest daughter, who was four at the time.

“They were really good and professional. They asked us what we were ready to do. For example, if we were ready to look after someone disabled… We were not ready for that. They also asked if we were interested in short- or long-term fostering and we opted for long term,” Mr Borg says.

The course prepared them for the reality of the situation – that the child would not be theirs and he could go back to his birth mother if she solved her social problems.

In July 2010, the little boy entered their life. It started with visits that lasted a few hours and evolved into weekend sleepovers until he eventually moved in.

“I remember the first time the social worker got him here, he looked at us through his fingers that covered his eyes. But then we gave him a toy and he really seemed keen to play,” Mr Borg says.

His wife adds: “When he arrived he could barely walk, only knew a few words and was not potty trained. He was not used to hearing English all the time but he grasped it very quickly,” she says as her husband continues: “Now, when he starts talking, he doesn’t stop.”

From day one, Sean called them “mummy” and “daddy” – as he echoed the terms the girls used to refer to their parents.

“I used to get tears in my eyes every time. I used to dress him up. Every time he used to tell me: ‘How nice. Thank you mummy.’ Every single time! He was very grateful,” Ms Borg says, her eyes welling up.

“He’s still very affectionate and appreciative, although not that much,” her husband laughs.

Before Sean moved in, the couple prepared their daughters for his arrival. The two elder ones warmed up to him immediately but the younger one had a harder time adapting. Suddenly, she no longer got the attention typically given to the youngest child.

Unlike her sisters, who saw their mother get pregnant before the next arrival, Lilly immediately had a new two-year-old younger brother, who wanted her toys and answered back.

“At first, she used to ask us when we would be taking him back home. But she stopped doing that now,” her mother says. “Sometimes, he comes to me and says, in front of the girls: ‘She’s my mummy.’ They never tell him it’s not the case,” she elaborates.

Sean’s arrival brought with it logistical issues. With three bedrooms available for the children, two of the girls had to share a room. But the family are now splitting a large room into two so that everyone gets their own.

Other than that, having Sean around did not strain their finances or impact their quality of life.

The Borgs ensure that all their children are treated the same way and sent to the same type of school. They are aware that other families might need more financial support than they do – something the ­Foster Carers Association has been asking for.

The couple do have their worries and concerns though. Sean has started to question why he has two sets of parents, and they hope this will not weigh down on him.

He visits his birth mother and father, separately, every week during supervised visits at Appoġġ.

While his birth mother has shown appreciation that her son is well looked after, there was once an incident when the father got upset because Sean had a bruise on his head, which he got in a fall.

“You question: How does this impact on my family? Will it? What if, in 10 years’ time, he will rebel while in his teens? And how will this affect the girls?” Mr Borg asks.

“But,” his wife adds, “these are things that can happen in any family. I always encourage fostering. But it is not adoption. It’s temporary. And it’s not a way to fill in the gap for not having children of your own.

“Although I feel that he’s like one of my own, I do worry that one day they’ll take him. So I’m all the time reminding myself that he’s not mine and I’m just looking after him,” she says.

*Names have been changed to protect the boy’s identity.

Fostering love

• Over 300 children in Malta and Gozo do not live with their biological parents, according to the report Children in Out-of-Home Care in Malta launched last December.

• Recent figures released by Appoġġ showed that, last year, there were some 267 children in foster placements and 138 children waiting to be fostered.

• Appoġġ’s Fostering Service aims at offering a family experience to those children who, for some reason or another, cannot live with their birth parents.

• If it transpires that it is in the best interest of the children to return back with their birth parents, fostering too can help the children re-integrate within their natural family.

• Persons interested in becoming foster carers are required to attend a pre-service training course. They are assessed for eligibility and supported throughout the experience.