I'm watching President Obama deliver his victory speech and I am distraught.

He hasn't once mentioned Our Great White Hope, the one with more than one 100% per cent on his Form IIC Mid-Year Report, the one who can attack world greats by telling them they failed to get their O-Levels, Dr Franco Debono, with an office in Valletta and room for a pony.In fact, by the time I wrote the above, Obama had wrapped it up and there was no mention of Debono.

This is the end of civilisation as we know it, because now Joseph Muscat will have to join Debono and launch an all-out attack on Obama.

The next move, of course, will be for Mario Vella and Lino Spiteri to write a couple of deep columns lambasting Obama for ignoring the intellectual Titan in our midst, Debono The Supreme Intellect, He Who Gives Shakespeare English Lessons.

We will then see an unprecedented move by the Supreme Court, as a result of which Debono will be invested with audience rights before that august institution to enable him to deliver a stirring speech about how he singlehandedly dragged Malta's criminal system into the 21st Century. Obama having been struck dumb by Debono's oratory will resign, Congress already having amended the Constitution to allow a village lawyer from Ghaxaq to become the world's most powerful man

Debono will then sweep into the White House and nuke Austin Gatt and Manwel Delia. The buses will start to run on time and Boris Johnson will be made President of Malta for life.