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Spicy spouses

No talk about 50 shades of dullness here: it's all about wives and politics so my piece is definitely more titillating than that grey book of erotica that has rocked the world.

A few days ago the second most important country in the world—the USA—had two great moving speeches delivered. With an impending election in the USA, Mitt Romney's and Barack Obama's wives both endorsed, in glowing terms and glorious language, their husbands as the best men for the president's position.

Both spouses spouted on and on about how good, how humane, how tender and enterprising their husband is. And what good plans he had for the country for the coming four years.

That was stirring stuff by Michelle Obama and Ann Romney as a gentle shove to help the candidates win the coveted crown—which isn't really a crown as the Americans are fiercely republican. Although saying they all are Republican could cause some confusion as Michelle Obama definitely prefers her sleeping partner to remain a Democrat. The fight is on for the White House and for some other perks the victory would guarantee: like free tickets to all baseball games and also access to some fiery buttons which could nuke Iran and other naughty countries out of existence.

Now we in Malta—which as you know is the most important country in the galaxy—will also have an election soon. Or not as soon as we think—all this depends on the Prime Minister's whim, which depends not on his wife or the mood of the country but on the petty doings of the whimsical MPs in his midst.

If the Americans can have a speech delivered by the wives shouldn't we have it too? We are, after all, more adventurous than the Americans. They might send machines to sniff around Mars but we have no time to waste on such unproductive things. We keep our feet tied to the ground. Let them wander and get lost in space. But this idea of wives' talk sounds a real winner.

Why not ask Michelle Muscat and Kate Gonzi to do the same as their American counterparts? Give us a proper run-down of what Lawrence and Joseph are like— a good speech to get the masses roused. Nothing like a good wife to spell things out clearly and with no holds barred.

But hang on—there are more than two party leaders. No I'm not thinking of Alleanza tal-Friefet or the meddling Greens but that other meddler, Franco Debono. He seems to be hinting that he will launch his own party—and legions of voters have begged him to do so and remain vibrant and relevant after the next election. And who will sing his praises and endorse him as a loving husband who can look after the purse and structures of the country?

Maybe we will have to do what a real man would do in these cases and get Lawrence and Joseph to ditch their wives, at least in their speech-mongering. Equality for the lawyer of Għaxaq demands nothing less.

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