In praise of my father
Tomorrow (September 13) is my father's 93rd birthday. He will celebrate it with my mother. I will visit his human remains at Naxxar.
He could not read or write. My mother was able to do both. I hope that in their spare time she would read to him extracts from my PhD dissertation. If they find it too boring, I will not be annoyed in any way. I would very much like, though, that she reads him the dedication:
"Dedicated to my father on the first anniversary of his death. He who was not able to read or write did his best so that I would be able to do both. I hope my work makes both him and my late mother proud."
He never went to school but was very talented, well-mannered and had an exquisite sense of humour . He graduated from the University of the Streets. He taught me many things, most more valuable that the stuff I learned at different schools or universities.
He taught me:
Never ask what others can do but ask yourself what you could do and just do it. Never dream of what you could do if you have available things which are out of your reach. Do the best you can with the things you have. If you excel with the little you have the rest will follow. You don't live alone. If others are not ok, you are not ok. Share.Duty comes before pleasure. Work, work and if you have more time, work.Impossible? That word exists only in the dictionary of the lazy or half-baked people.Humour makes the world go round.
He never verbalised these statement in the way I write them. I learned them by emulating the way he lived.
There is one particular thing he taught me which I treasure more than the rest as it made me the way I am much more than anything else. It was his leitmotiv. He verbalised it in the clearest fashion towards the end of his life; ironically enough in one of his lucid moments that contrasted so much with the moments drowned in the sorrow that's dementia.
I clearly remember the incident in Casa Antonia, the wonderful Balzan nursing home for old people where he lived for a few years. He was very agitated. I tried to calm him down.
"They always tell us to behave in a different way than this", I said.
He changed in the most dramatic way possible. He became totally calm. His voice became strong and resolute. He looked at me the way only he knew how to look at a person and said:
"My son, I never did what others told me to do just because they told me to do it. I always did what I believed was right to do. You do the same. So don't tell me that this is what others tell us to do."
I obeyed him to the letter. I still do.
When the going gets too tough or the kitchen gets extremely hot or others say it's time to pack, I remember the words of my father and resolutely walk ahead. I am very thankful to my father and very proud that whatever challenge presented itself, I faced it all, stood tall and, most important of all, I did it my way.
I have just one regret. I should have asked someone to play Frank Sinatra's My Way at my father's funeral.
If you find some time click on this link, listen to the fantastic voice of Frank Sinatra while saying a little prayer for my father.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=6E2hYDIFDIU
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D M Grech
Sep 18th 2012, 21:10
One from the heart - Prosit!
Paul Azzopardi
Sep 14th 2012, 23:30
What a beautiful piece!
Your father was an inspiration, and by following his philosophy you did a lot of good.
Richard Curmi
Sep 14th 2012, 12:21
I lost my father one month short of my 11th birthday.
He used to work at the 'Labatri" (Laboratory at the dockyard) even during World War II.
He died just when the war ended.
His trade was that of a 'Landier" -In my childhood I used to say that he was a tinsmith as to my childish mind it sounded nicer. Later I was proud to have had a Landier for a father who was already trying to save the little he could towards our secondary schooling.
Unfortunately he was taken from us very early and my mother was left to bring us 6 children on her own. She was only 38, never married again and dedicated herself exclusively to us and our education when welfare was a far away dream.
I took the liberty to write my story because after reading your heartfelt piece about your father, who I suppose had a wonderful party with your mother I reflected on how rarer such parents are beacoming and most importantly on how much we have to celebrate even in our losses.
Thanks for the opportunity.
Lara Camilleri
Sep 13th 2012, 23:45
I knew Fr Joe's father ever since I was a child..... he was a really honest and sincere person who taught me a lot from the way he lived his life! He really deserves this article........ May you rest in peace Guzeppi!!
Sylvana Magro
Sep 13th 2012, 23:27
You managed to bring tears to my eyes. May your father reat in peace with mine.
Arthur Soler
Sep 13th 2012, 22:46
Fr Joe:
There is an expression which I suspect you may have heard, specifically, " Throughout the ages, man has acquired a lot of knowledge, by very little wisdom". Based on your description of your late father, it seems to me that while he may have not acquired a lot of knowledge, he most certainly displayed a great deal of wisdom. Our society needs a lot more people like your dad. Thanks for posting such a relevant and moving account.
Franco Farrugia
Sep 13th 2012, 09:39
I won't listen to that song because it always makes my heart leap to my mouth! It's a very sad song.
Joe Brincat-LL.D
Sep 13th 2012, 08:26
May the Good Lord bless his soul in you.
Catherine Zammit
Sep 13th 2012, 07:10
So true Fr Joe, how I wish we have more parents like your father. We had parents that did their utmost to educate us, see us succeed but mostly taught us how to behave and be respectful. Wise words are not so common among parents nowadays and unfortunately we can see the results around us every day. Like you I recall some of the wise words my father used to say and I still stick to them. I remember your father because I am from Birkirkara and I will remember him in my prayers.
Kevin Cassar
Sep 13th 2012, 02:50
Interesting article and heart warming feelings. It's every good parents' dream to provide a better world (or opportunities) for their children and we all go out of our own way in order to make that a reality. On another note, do you realize that the statement "Don't do what others tell you to do", while being good advice, is a paradox?
Jessica Debattista
Sep 13th 2012, 13:06
@ Kevin Cassar: “... On another note, do you realize that the statement "Don't do what others tell you to do", while being good advice, is a paradox?”
Yes Kevin the statement that you quote is a paradox, but it is bad practice to truncate a whole sentence and pick and choose only a part, thereby, losing the whole sense of it all.
Fr. Joe wrote: “My son, I never did what others told me to do just because they told me to do it. I always did what I believed was right to do. You do the same.”
Do you see the difference?
Kenneth Cassar
Sep 17th 2012, 12:05
Jessica, the last sentence in your full quote still makes it a paradox ;)
Robert Gatt
Sep 12th 2012, 21:39
Very good piece of writing, and thanks for sharing Frank Sinatra's I did it My way song & lyrics. Inspiring!
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