It’s so easy to make the front pages around here. Spit out the ‘F-word’ or even tap it out online and you’re catapulted to instant stardom, your picture shoving world leaders off newspapers and (local) media houses falling over each other to ask you whether you intend to hang down your head in shame and apologise or brazen it out.

Joseph Muscat must have heaved a sigh of relief and waved Grima goodbye- Claire Bonello

Joe Grima, former Labour minister and sometime talk show host on One TV seems to have rediscovered the buzz that comes with notoriety – the kind that comes from using vulgar language. Grima recently laid into Fr Alexander Lucie-Smith – a priest and an opinion writer who wrote a fairly accurate piece about Dom Mintoff in The Catholic Herald – told him to eff off and basically carry out acts of paedophilia.

Feeling giddy from the excitement of being back in the spotlight, Grima decided to up the vulgarity stakes. On his Facebook wall he announces to all that Richard Cachia Caruana is selling his villa for €5 million. According to Grima, it’s the only villa in Mdina which sports a pool. “That’s right Rich il-Puff” (loosely translated), Grima wrote, “People like you, get the most out of politics. A phenomenal salary thought up by Gonzi, thousands of liri in compensation for getting stabbed by a Nationalist like yourself, a handsomely-paid consultant whose salary comes from our taxes. Of course he can have a villa with a pool and exclusive permits. Enjoy it Rich, while it lasts.”

Predictably enough, some members of the press ran off to ask Joseph Muscat what he thought about Grima’s spouting off (apparently Grima is only ‘answerable’ to Muscat, whatever that may mean). And as politicians are wont to do, the Leader of the Opposition said he found Grima’s comments unacceptable, but that the media should also look into other unacceptable comments made on the internet – presumably a reference to comments made about Dom Mintoff when he passed away. Some hours later, Grima sent a letter to Muscat informing him that he would no longer present his Inkontri programme on One TV because he did not want his faux pas to reflect badly on the party.

Muscat must have heaved a sigh of relief and waved Grima goodbye. Cue for a number of PL supporters to flood Grima’s Facebook page with expressions of sympathy and begging him to reconsider his position. Lawrence Gonzi had never dissociated himself from opinion writers who insulted anyone within the Labour fold – they argued, so why should Grima’s actions reflect badly on the Labour Party?

Their logic is not sound. As a former minister Grima is associated with Labour (Old Labour really). Except for a brief hiatus when he presented a talk show on Net TV because of his differences with Alfred Sant, he was always within the Labour orbit.

In addition he has stated that he is answerable to Muscat. That means that whether he likes it or not, his actions reflect on the Labour Party.

He may not be the only face of the party – but ranting about people, telling foreign commentators to eff off and going on about abusive permits doesn’t reflect too well on a party trying to shed its Old Labour image of intolerance, boorishness and the Lorry Sant era of building permits. Any reminder of those times is going to make people flee the so-called Labour Movement. Grima’s outburst did just that. Reason enough to put a sock in it and call it quits.

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Pity the Fgura local councillors. They have to find a way of putting themselves on the local festival map. Mġarr has the one with strawberries, Siġġiewi somehow claims to be the grape capital of Malta, Żejtun is the olive oil destination, Marsaxlokk gets to be associated with tuna (from the fish farms), Qormi obviously is linked to bread and on it goes. Every town and village gets to promote its produce and to organise a festival showcasing its specialities.

This is where it starts to get tricky for Fgura. Seeing as all the locally-grown food and vegetables have been bagged by other towns and villages (maybe barring watermelons), what lucky fruit is it going to appropriate as its own? Maybe Fgura could ditch the fruit and veg idea and opt for an animal specimen. But that too isn’t a possibility, considering the fact that it’s not the livestock capital of the island, and in any case the man roasting a whole pig on a spit pops up at virtually every other festival.

So it’s back to the drawing board. I can just imagine the scene as the Fgura councillors put on their thinking hats and try to come up with a crowd-puller. Maybe something on the lines of a Notting Hill carnival? Probably far too much hassle to organise and not as big a draw as the real deal. A flower festival? Fgura by candelight? No, been there and done that (Mdina and Vittoriosa). Then a light bulb moment. One of the councillors remembers the documentary he watched on Discovery Channel some weeks ago – the one where everybody was rolling about in red slurry pelting everybody else with tomatoes.

Bunol’s Tomatina Festival is going to be transposed to the streets of Fgura. Dubbed the Fgura Arts and Food Fighting Festival, the event will consist of a tomato fight, with participants within a confined area pelting 2,000 kilogrammes of low quality tomatoes at each other.

Some of the funds raised will be donated to charity. Those who dared criticise the event as a silly, derivative event which will lead to the waste of fruit which had required thousands of litres of water to produce were told to lighten up and get a life.

I’m not too concerned about the actual cost of the tomatoes – €400 – but the message which the Fgura local council is giving is totally wrong.

Chucking food at each other is wasteful and places locally-grown produce to the level of rubbish.

I wonder if that was the message which the council wanted to convey in its ‘arts’ festival.

cl.bon@nextgen.net.mt