Some people think I should never go to mass as I am in favour of divorce, IVF and other diverse stuff unfathomable to the Holy See and his papal holiness. Maybe I should join the Moonies or be chic and join the Buddhists.

Anyway I feel good with Jesus Christ and his teachings (not sure how good He feels with me) so I’ll go on attending His mass in Catholic churches. I definitely do not agree that the rest of the gods and religions are a load of hogwash. They might be unbelievable—just as everything we say and believe in might be—but in that same way our religion sounds like pure hogwash too.

Just think of our religion in all its details—or rather don’t as this piece might then become a pure sheet of blasphemy. And the last thing I need is to be bashed (metaphorically of course) even more by the fundamentalists.

Notwithstanding all criticism and advice I do go to mass and I do believe in a lot of things which need quite a leap of faith to be believed in. For my grievous sins I sometimes have to hear such balderdash by priests that I balk at the madness of the Holy See or whoever oversees and decides on such things. If they were to tell all priests to stop delivering a sermon every Sunday maybe the congregation would flock back in droves.

Try going to mass without a sermon on a weekday and you actually enjoy it. At least the times I go I do. Add most homilies and the joy magically disappears and the congregation seems more intent on looking at their watch with fond thoughts of what’s for lunch, supper or what’s cooking on TV.

I’m sure the monotony of most sermons has driven many a sheep out of the fold. Once I was at a mass where an especially boring, long-winded sermon was being inflicted on us sinners. One of the things the priest said was that mass—and the sermon—is the remedy for most terrestrial ills.

I nearly shot to attention out of my stupour and screamed out that I’m sure insomnia could easily be cured for evermore if his sermons could be broadcast live and in full glory to all insomniacs. “Listen to this and cringe slowly into catatonic sleep” could be his winning tagline if he ever ventures into branding his sleeping drug.

I’m no religious expert—even if I spout on many a time about religion, God and His clerics—and hardly know what liturgical benefit the sermon has on the priests or the congregation. All I know is that if the sermon is stopped we could then get down to hear and enjoy the words of Christ and we could also add on a few hymns of praise.

Priests are like politicians—they have to talk every Sunday even if they have nothing to add to the hearers or readers. They, and some silly bloggers like me, go on and on. Maybe if we all copy those quirkily silent Trappist monks and shut up our message could be crisper.

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