Dazzlingly good morals
This island deserves more recognition for upholding strong morals. Kudos to the magazine distributors of Dazed and Confused (not to be confused with Hazel's Confusing confessions) who banned the latest issue of this profoundly profane bit of garbage.
How dare the publishers issue a magazine featuring a rapper blowing on a condom on a cover?
Condoms in Catholic Malta? Safe sex?
If the distributors know what's good for us they'll go a step beyond just banning the magazine. They should arrange for our own soul-saviour, the Bishop of Gozo, to be featured on the cover being shown piercing a balloon with some insightful words emblasoned on his mitre: power to the force of right.
Let's start a proper revolution on this tiny island of ours where upright citizens can be at the forefront of all that is right in a world that is becoming safe-sex-mad and rapping-obsessed.
If rappers besmirch themselves with such profanities as using condoms for safer sex than I will scream to the world's corners: rapping is the devil's answer to all things vile and horrid. Let us all join the distributors of Dazed and Confused and get straight and morally upbeat. Let's rise from our slumber and go to all chemists and torch all items of contraception and make sure all rap songs are banned and rap CDs burnt.
If all this is done we will be the Bishop's own good boys and girls with a great future in fundamentally strong Malta and Gozo. Long live the directors who banned this filth from our land. Long may they preserve and cocoon us from the ravages of the modern world.
We all know that from rapping about condoms it is one small move to atheism, open marriages and all sorts of filth. So long live censorship, long live our quick progression to the days of yore where life was good and mores were strong.