Modern politicians make use of make-up to impress. They employ artists specialising in political facelifts. They don’t simply pick a plasterer from a construction site and ask him to come along and put cement, membrane, sealer, roof compound, gypsum, marzipan and icing sugar on his face followed by acrylic paint on his hair.
Old-fashioned politicians make use of theatre make-up artists and the results are similar to a stage fa[r]ce from the Commedia dell’ Arte, ranging from comedy to tragi-comedy to tragedy. Sometimes it is far worse and the politician is transformed into an Arlequin strutting around and giving free shows for charity.
I have seen badly made-up politicians with a rigid face covered in pasta looking like a bad imitation of a Madame Tussaud’s production if not a ventriloquist’s dummy. During a speech, the voice modulation varies according to the frequency of clapping expected but the face remains frozen and static with eyes in holes moving around surrounded by a plastic face that cannot twitch or dares not quiver as it would produce dramatic cracks in the roof membrane. On top of this, the hair may have been badly dyed and the general zombied impression is that the politician has actually died.
A politician’s make-up is not limited to the face and hair. Attire is important and adapted to the occasion. Some politicians who wish to look décontracté when meeting young people or picking up babies and saying “Gee gee gee goo” to them, just remove tie and jacket and strut around in kitchen shirt sleeves. It was the wife’s idea that made them choose that shirt, normally worn under a jacket. The wifey also pulls his trousers to his chest and pushes him off to his “gee gee gee goo” looking scary in a stiff shirt under a Madame Tussaud’s face and a hairstyle held flat by roof compound.
Female politicians sometimes wear clothes their nanna left them. This makes them look very sober and sweet. At least their make-up is better than that of some male counterparts fishing for votes while howling like zombies.
Political make-up goes beyond the individual. Wives and husbands of politicians have a serious responsibility to promote their better halves, wholes or quarters.
Some politicians’ wives accompany their husbands carrying a huge load at the back, unaware that a Hottentot derrière is no longer in fashion.
Some unkind paparazzi have even taken pictures of politicians’ wives going up airplane steps creating swinging and creaking.
Some politicians’ wives have never seen a hairdresser (Whatsit?) or a beautician (Whatsdat?)
Before going out, they just take out their enormous comb and give a few strokes here and there. It matches the Hottentot backside very well, thank you.
Having chosen the right political make-up artist and sent the wife to a good beautician, it doesn’t mean you have done enough. Far from it!
After all, are you not trying to re-convince your hardcore supporters, attract floating voters and produce inroads into your adversary camp?
The first thing you must not do is to give the impression that you are a cheerleader. Some politicians prepare a speech unwittingly intended to scare off the mild and the opposing.
This is called the triumphalistic approach. In short, they holler how clever and dynamic they are as compared to the adversary’s slumbering tabula rasa. Well this is one way of obtaining a few laughs and yells with raised palms or fists. As far as attracting floaters or creating doubts in adversaries is concerned, forget it!
Incorporated into the politician’s social make-up there is the capability of communication.
I have already had the occasion to speak of candidates who just dump loads of political literature into a letter-box without knowing exactly to whom it is addressed. At least you must know if the person has died.
You must also know if the person lives alone so you don’t call him a family since he may end up calling your own family a herd.
In your speeches, do not be obsessed with how much the foreigner admires us. Foreigners admire mostly themselves. Voters like to hear you say why they must believe in themselves. And remember, don’t tell them this in a pom-pom girl fashion.
Voters today demand attention more than ever before. They may try to contact you while you ignore them, believing they will be sufficiently impressed by your grandiose national orations.
If a voter makes a suggestion to you, he expects your reaction. Otherwise he will click on the strategy of “smile at the smilers and vote for the communicators”.
As for politicians wearing a stiff Madame Tussaud’s make-up, just smile at them with your eyes only – like they inevitably do through their plastic faces.