Candidate MPs: stop invading my letter box

Four hundred thousand of us live in an area of 316 square kilometres. Which, when you think about it, is catastrophically claustrophobic.

I can practically cover my whole house with Silvio Parnis wallpaper- Kristina Chetcuti

It’s no wonder then that our courts have a never-ending, pending list of cases of people who have pulled each other’s hair out, have had shouting matches across the balconies, scratched each other’s car, or as is the latest trend, called each other cabbages from Cospicua.

Let’s put our size into perspective. London is roughly the size of five Maltas put next to each other; four Maltas make up a Rome and eight Maltas add up to a Paris.

Malta is the size of 0.3 per cent of Iceland. In fact, last year a Chinese tycoon wanted to buy some 300 Icelandic square kilometres – the size of our island – to build a hotel and a golf course.

Put simply, if the world were a football ground, we’d be a mere tip of a grass blade.

And yet, despite our microscopic size, when it comes to elections, our island is further divided into 13 zones, or as we like to call them ‘districts’ – each with its own set of MP candidates. And, of course, every five years, we have to kick up a fuss on how the borders of these districts are pushed back or shrunk, and ploys of ‘shocking’ gerrymandering are bandied about. All of which I find extremely tiresome, and given our size, pointless. Why isn’t the whole of Malta and Gozo one electoral district?

We can’t claim that the size would be unmanageable because the rest of the world would never stop sniggering. And if it’s untenable because of that single transferable vote system of ours, then fine, let’s scrap it and adopt another, more practical counting procedure.

The major hurdle, the way I see it, if Malta is one district, is that we won’t all necessarily have MPs from our own towns representing us in Parliament. But what I really need is not an MP who lives in my town, but one who is on my wavelength.

I’d rather vote for a candidate from Comino if I know he is likely to have a sound grasp of international affairs, than a candidate from Paola whose main task in life is going to the gym and bending backwards to wave to everyone.

Which neatly brings me to Silvio Parnis and his, erm, bulging muscles. How can I ever bring myself to vote for him when he must be responsible for the demise of half the rainforest? I swear I have enough of his photos and flyers stacked in my letter box. I can practically cover my whole house with Silvio Parnis wallpaper.

These candidate MPs seem to think that if they send me a picture of them standing against a tree (before it’s chopped off to be turned to posters) with their jacket thrown over their shoulder oh-just-so, I won’t be able to contain myself and I’ll rush to the voting booth to etch my number one next to their name. The truth is I don’t give a hoot about having MPs from Paola, where I live.

What I care is that in Parliament we have a selection of bright sparks, with a good balance of intelligence and emotional quotient. Well-mannered people. Who can discuss. Who can make an argument without banging on a table. And who when opening their mouths, actually make some sense. If they all happen to come from Mellieħa, so be it.

Because here is what happens when you have an MP from your constituency: local councils are completely and totally ignored. Why would I ever consult a councillor, when I can go straight to my MP?

He (sadly, shes are a rarity) has more weight to pull the right strings and there’s my vote at stake.

As a result of this, we have MPs in our highest legislative institution who ask questions on the lines of: “Your honour, why wasn’t Ms Chetcuti given a reserved parking space in front of her house?” It makes me want to sit in the Strangers’ Gallery and weep.

Why are our local councils such a failure? Why have they ended up – see Birkirkara council for more details – sponsoring their staff to go on €2,000 theology courses (where, presumably, the chapter on morality and conscience ethics are skipped)? Why doesn’t anyone bother to get off their sofas when there’s a local council election? We can only blame this system of district MPs.

If Malta was just one electoral district, we’d curb once and for all this pathetic door-to-door campaigning; we’d stop discussing parking spaces and move on to national issues; and perhaps we’d open up the space for a much-needed third party in Parliament.

Then perhaps, living in such crowded quarters would become more bearable.

krischetcuti@gmail.com