Besides writing inane stuff which usually gets The Times readers hotter than hot under the collar, I also love thinking.

I know you believe I am no great shakes at this thinking stuff, what with the stuff I jabber on about – so, please, forgive me for my lack of greyish matter. Next time I see my mother – God grant her eternal rest – I promise I’ll berate her on your behalf for my cells’ lack. Anyway, the thinking I was on about hardly refers to the thinking done by philosophers and other worthwhile thinkers.

I love thinking and dreaming of me being a revered, rich and renowned writer – with cash aflowing – and with a string of groupies all clamouring to hear my words of erudition. I imagine myself being so good at my stuff that I strut away, sometimes tweeting my bon mots and epigrams and epithets to the utter squeaking delight of all. I’d be quoted by scribes and followed and clicked at by paparazzi. Yes, that is the life for me.

But I do also think some other thoughts and I’ve always been intrigued by what makes Malta tick and unique. Not our potholes or some of our MPs whose brain cells, if you had to pool them together, wouldn’t fill a bathtub from Barbie’s dollhouse. (If you can’t work that out because you are just as numerically disadvantaged as me, I’ll spell it out and please excuse me for seemingly patronising you: it means that the brain cell count of half a dozen of our members of Parliament amounts to less than a quarter of a dozen.)

Now back to that thinking about Malta’s uniqueness. We all think, to a certain extent, that Malta is the centre of the universe and that all the world should know about us.

Whether we are the centre or not I don’t think you care or should care. But, actually, I really think that, once upon a time, back in prehistory, we were definitely special. And I suppose that is why we have so many prehistoric temples scattered all over the Maltese islands. Otherwise, how can we explain why this tiny dot has so many places of worship of long ago?

We definitely were super-important once and a whole load of people came here and strutted their stuff.

This is my belief and I know I’m not too original in thinking it or stating it. But I felt I needed to find out what others have said about this phenomenon.

So I dutifully went and bought a number of books, among which one called Malta’s Temples – Alignments And Religious Motives. I was stunned and mesmerised.

Hold on before you rush out and buy it. I was not impressed by what was written – I hardly read four pages – but, by the way, it was written. Google translate would have been a brilliant tool to use compared to what the author, Klaus Albrecht, presented in his opus. The stuff that spewed forth from the few pages I read at random is beyond belief.

Now I know that, like me, there are quite a number of idiots, dolts and witless gits who need to expand on their religious knowledge of our forefathers and the meaning for the temples in Malta. So a lot of us are ready to pay money – good money – for this book. What the content is – and how well it is researched – I have no clue. I chucked it out after a cursory look at it. If I had a fireplace I’d have put it on even in this sweltering heat to do something for the very first time in my life: burn a book and enjoy each smouldering, nano moment.

I’d have seen it turn into ash and I’d have danced a fitting Maltese jig, the likes of which Malta hasn’t seen since the first prehistoric temple was officially opened by the then Prime Minister – and high priest – of the land.

I usually believe that anyone destroying a book deserves damning and burning at the stake but not in this case. It is sad that the book casts a terrible shadow over us and our knowledge of English.

I know my English is hardly great and I accept that I have a few unexplained and unreasonable howlers. But, please, pause and read the following quotes, taken at random, from the illuminating book:

“Light was steered into the dark temples, especially at that time of the year when the suns seems to keep away and one hopes that it will start again with its greater travels over the sky.”

And the following is how he, the author, is described:

“He lives in Germany and work as a teacher… He did several researching in arch-astronomical pheomenons, published and did films on these subjects. To Maltas Neolithic temples grows his special interest.”

Seriously this is in a book about Malta.

I’ve jested a lot in my scribblings and invented a lot but the above two quotes are there in his book. Actually I’ll retrieve it from my wastepaper basket and everybody is free to borrow it to see for themselves. Hopefully, the next reader has a fireplace.

Need I say much more? How can this be published and left to grab browsers’ attention?

It’s sad to think that maybe the German author’s ideas and his findings could be really important and prove at last that we, as a race, are super important and have always been. But with such shoddy editing and writing he could have kept his thinking all to himself even if he is a teacher or a thinker.

Our bookshelves and our temples deserve much better.

vc@victorcalleja.com