Seen And Not Heard
Ella Bridge and her current family.
As a young pupil who attended a strict, traditional Church school, I remember very often being told that 'children should be seen and not heard'.
Probably because my parents were never the unyielding tyrant types, this phrase was hardly ever used at home, so, whenever someone said those words to me, I felt so enraged that if I didn't have the benefit of a child's body, I would have popped an artery.
Whilst other children would bow their head in shame whenever those words were thrown at them, I found it so rude and oppressive to try to shut me up just because I was a child that, I went ballistic.
Soon enough however, I learnt that objecting and contesting this oh so popular phrase, was futile and counterproductive. For a while I tried to act like the other children and keeping quiet, but I couldn't help feeling that if I (or anyone else for that matter) had something to say, we should have a right to say it despite our age.
My arguments and relentlessness landed me in more trouble than I could handle, more times than I could count, and this is what eventually led me to writing.
Since there was absolutely nothing that I hated more than being muzzled for no other reason other than that of being three feet tall, whenever I was told to 'be seen and not heard', I fetched a piece of paper and scribbled down whatever it was that I was not being allowed to say at that moment. In that way I felt safe in the knowledge that I wasn't going to forget whatever it was that I wanted to say and, that I will one day get the opportunity to say it.
Thankfully, my antics and my need to be heard were never as life-threatening as those being faced by Ella Bridge - the 10 year old girl who could be forced to leave Malta and live with her estranged but biological mother in the UK.
From what I gathered from news reports, Nicki Lee, the girl's biological mother, has been pretty much absent from her daughter's life. Two years ago, Ella's father Richard, who for all intents and purposes has been Ella's sole carer for longer than Ella can remember, moved to Malta together with his partner and her son.
Because Ella's mother had not been exercising her custodial right as a parent, Richard did not ask for her permission to move Ella to Malta, but Lee successfully argued in a British court that her permission should have been sought before her daughter was taken away from the UK.
The father tried to appeal the decision in The Family Court in Malta but sadly (even though a girl's future depends on it) the appeal was thrown out on the legal technicality that it was filed two days late.
Now, the father has filed a constitutional application claiming that Ella's rights had been breached because the court did not give her a chance to talk and be heard. After a legal roller-coaster ride, and after many close shaves with the police and social workers who turned up at the girl's home to take her away from the only family she knows, the father has finally managed to secure an interim suspension of the order until Ella can have her say in court.
Last Thursday, the father's lawyer, Dr. Aaron Mifsud Bonnici asked the court to appoint a psychologist who could assess the effects of removing the child and placing her in a foreign country, but despite sustaining his argument with cases from the European Court of Human Rights, Mr. Justice Joseph Azzopardi dismissed Dr. Mifsud Bonnici's request, arguing that his main concern was the child and that judgement had to be handed down by next week. The hearing has now been set for Wednesday, when the judge will hear the girl in his private chambers before the case starts.
Whilst I don't want to go into the legal loop holes that make such a dreadful situation possible, I find it sickeningly sad to think that I live in a world where it's possible for the fate of a 10 year old girl to be decided without her having a say.
Just to put you in the picture, a ten year old is capable of understanding percentages, fractions, decimals and algebra. A ten year old is capable of speaking up to five languages; she's capable of abstract thought, of understanding irony, satire, cynicism and hypothetical situations.
A ten year old has dealt with bullies and with peer pressure. She is likely to have sat for over 100 exams and tests, she's dealt with sibling rivalry and has made and lost friends, family members and pets. And with a child's formative years being between one and five, the character of a ten year old is mostly formed and framed, and will not change much in the years to come. And yet, despite all this, it is not her automatic God-given right to be heard in a case which will determine her future.
To say that the situation is sad is an understatement. The truth is that such an approach is as helpful to a child's well-being as a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
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Joe Xuereb
Jul 22nd 2012, 03:19
'Children may be seen but not heard'. Very Victorian and well into Edwardian. And very Maltese at least up until Alison's childhood much later. Thank you Colonialism although the Maltese version - being threatened 'għax il-bambin iġiblek in-nar' - to a three year old for Chrissake! - is worse if anything.
I dont know about lawyers but a social worker worth his/her salt should know that putting a child in the care of a stranger when she's known a stable home is not an option (especially with a biological mother who has rejected her in the past). I can only presume that the biological mother has recanted and now wants the child. The new arrangement, if it comes to pass, is very likely to go smoothly for a while - as in, new brooms sweep best sort of thing - but the minute something goes wrong (as it surely must given the circumstance) the child will remember the good family she was wrenched away from. From then on, it will be downhill all the way.
What is it with lawyers?* Why make the girl speak in private? For her to be manipulated into agreeing with the proposed arrangement, perhaps? A girl of ten may be intelligent but not all girls have the guts of a Jane Eyre.
* I say this because of a Sunday I attend the Secular Meetings at the Humanist Society. There is one lawyer who always has something to say, which is as it should be. But why does he have to remind everybody that he is a lawyer (he speaks like he is doing his final deliberation in a Jack the Ripping out of a child's heart case). This, and the density and the lateral veerings that would put De Bono to shame, all make for a highly intelligible erudite harangue that nobody understands. Maybe it's because he has a speech impediment, or loose dentures. He tries to cover it up by being farcically forceful and, as far as I'm concerned, like a bit of a clown, and a not very likeable one at that!
We're all atheists there but once a lawyer, always a...........
Alison, I know where you're coming from. I did a little bullying myself once-upon-a-time, probably in retaliation to the bullying I was subjected to without and within the family home. It stunted me something terrible and I under-achieved as a result. Time and contact with the right people showed me that there are ways of dealing with stuff and a lot of progress can be done even if by default. For example, I was derided for my weakness but today I know that a lot of shows of strength and bravado are mere imposition on the heterosexual male who has to comply to prove himself. So he is as much a victim as I am. He is still there, struggling and I, well! here I am. Fairly untouchable and that makes me more enemies than friends. And you know what?! that is OK by me. If people are prepared to compromise their whole existence just so that they appear to be pleasing to god and Man, that is up to them. But this 'wimp' will have none of that.
Patrik Larsson
Jul 19th 2012, 10:17
"A ten year old is capable of speaking up to five languages; she's capable of abstract thought, of understanding irony, satire, cynicism and hypothetical situations."
Yes, but sadly many men of the law are not.
Jonathan Camilleri
Jul 16th 2012, 15:12
I was bullied in primary school, and, outcasted by many fellow students who thought of me as the class nerd, and, unfortunately, nobody saw this behaviour, and, I was too shy to speak out against it except to my own family.
I have to admit that to this day, consequences of bullying are buried in my psyche, and, I hope that other people do not have to go through the bullying I got at various workplaces, and, by other bastards who sensed that I am depressive and rather than showing respect, triggered action to make my mental condition feel worse.
The list of bullies includes managers working for the public service, and, private industry, whose names I will publish with the protection of the state under the Whistleblower's Act.
Franco Farrugia
Jul 16th 2012, 19:59
Bullying takes place everywhere and by almost anyone. That's what the human being is: a big, fat bully. We all bully those whom we think are somehow 'less' in some aspect, than us. The dog is bullied by his master, in turn, the dog bullies the cat, and the cat bullies the mouse, and the mouse, I am sure, bullies some other poor little devil. Even a Union bullies employers - check what the GWU is up to, regarding Arriva drivers not wearing a tie. I was bullied as well, by all sorts of people, when I was young - but I came to terms with it, and I think - well, I speak for myself, haha! - that I didn't end up a mental case.
Kenneth Cassar
Jul 17th 2012, 10:21
@ Franco Farrugia:
Downplaying real bullying, as you just did, is very dangerous. Some children have been known to commit suicide because of bullying. Thankfully legislators and people in authority will not base their policies on comments in message boards.
Eric Bonanno
Jul 16th 2012, 09:14
May I ask why is Ella to be heard in private? I don't like this. Why can't she speak out her mind in front of the entire court room. Is there someone afraid of anything she may say?
We speak up against abortion giving voice to an unborn child (which, I believe, is the right thing to do) and then we're denying this girl her right to speak out, to express her feelings and her love.
What message are we trying to give. If the judge and the jury have children of their own I am sure they must have told them at least once to stand up and speak up for their rights. Let's not be hypocrites. For once, let's take the right path. Ella is part of a family. Didn't we all learn that a stable society is based upon stable families. Let's not destroy this family.
Andrew Borg-Cardona
Jul 16th 2012, 15:20
Yes, that's a really good idea, have a child of ten speak in a public court, exactly the right way to go about it. And just for your information, there's no jury in a civil trial.
Andy Farrugia
Jul 15th 2012, 19:03
"As a young pupil who attended a strict, traditional Church school, I remember very often being told that 'children should be seen and not heard'."
Ah! That explains quite a few things........
"The influence of one's teens are very important," said the man.
"Oh yes," said Sandy , "even if they provide something to react against".
[The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie: Muriel Spark].
Andrew Borg-Cardona
Jul 15th 2012, 18:04
"the judge will hear the girl in his private chambers before the case starts." but you say her case is to be decided without her being heard. Which is it?
Alison Bezzina
Jul 15th 2012, 20:46
@Andrew Borg Cardona
I said that I find it sickeningly sad that I live in a world where IT'S POSSIBLE for the fate of a 10 year old girl to be decided without her having a say...I said this because had the family not put up such a strong fight for this not to happen, had they not roamed the streets until the papers arrived thus not allowing the police and social workers to take Ella, our courts were ready to let this decision go through without giving Ella a chance to speak. In addition I find not allowing the psyche evaluation in such a sensitive case absolutely ridiculous.
Please choose the reason of your report below: