Today’s generation of grandads is much more hands on than when I was a child, says Deana Luchia. They push buggies, change nappies and soothe tantrums, lightening the load of parents everywhere.
With public childcare a scarce commodity in Malta, and with families where both parents go out to work on the increase, it falls to grandparents to step in and fill the childcare gap, pushing prams, changing nappies and, later, doing school runs.
Not so long ago, it used to be that this family form of childcare fell squarely onto a grandma’s shoulders, but these days you’re just as likely to see a 60-year-old man taking a toddler to the park, as you are a woman.
In fact, take a walk along any seafront in Malta and you’ll notice that there are significantly more grandads than grandmas out with buggies. While this might have something to do with it still falling to grandmas to do the cooking for their grandchildren, grandads are definitely doing their bit.
And happily so. While my generation of grandads were professional grumblers who dodged childcare by retreating to sheds and greenhouses, today’s grandads are willing carers, eager to pitch in and help, not just because they have the time, but because the grandparent-grandchild relationship is such a special one, and who’d want to miss out on that?
Alex Cachia is 67, and is one of this new generation of doting grandads who sees his grandchildren as nothing short of a wonderful gift. Playing an active role in their upbringing means he’s close to all four of them: Adam, 14,Maxima, 10, Timmy, six, and Hannah, three.
As Alex is my neighbour, I often see him and his wife, Vivian, out and about with their grandchildren, especially the younger two. And I see Alex every day, taking Hannah to and from playgroup. Patient and calm, always smiling, he clearly relishes the role of grandad.
“I’m enjoying something that I never had before with my own kids, Davina and Alexis,” he says. “I was always busy at work when they were growing up. I think most grandads my age feel like this. We didn’t do anything with our own kids except pay the bills. Vivian did everything with them. I didn’t go to Parents’ Days or Sports Days. Nothing. I was always working. I have a guilty conscience now and most probably all men of my generation feel the same.”
It’s not just grandfathers whose roles have changed recently, but fathers too. “Now I see fathers with pushchairs in the street. We never thought about pushing a pushchair when my children were small. We thought it was a woman’s job. I never changed a nappy, ever. Now I hope my children will change mine in a few years,” he laughs.
Davina and Alexis, Alex says, are very appreciative of what he and Vivian do. “We’ve been taking care of our grandchildren since Adam was a baby as both parents worked. Most grandparents in Malta do this.”
I’m interviewing Alex just before he’s due to pick up Hannah from playgroup. We’re sitting in his and Vivian’s apartment, which is filled with photos of their children and grandchildren, and, as Alex is an artist, his studio is set up with an easel where he’s painting new portraits of his grandchildren.
He’s painted them since they were babies and each child, when grown up, will have a unique series of paintings marking their growth.
Two of his grandchildren have inherited his skill: Timmy and Maxima. “They’re both very promising as painters.”
But being a grandad is about much more than painting. “I make them laugh,” says Alex. “And we see them every weekend and we babysit. I watch football with Adam and Maxima. We’re all very close. I enjoy them more than my own children because I have more time now. I love the sweet things they say, how they think, the way they reason. And I feel very loved.”
“When they come here,”says Vivian, “they ask for granddad straight away”.
I imagine that as a grandparent you feel all the love you do for your own children but none of the constant worry. I ask Alex if that’s true. “I love my grandchildren like my own children, yes, but the worries are the same. I worry that they get hurt or get sick.”
All children bring noise and chaos with them and while my own grandad bellowed at how loud my sister and I were, not bothering to tone down his language for small ears, Alex says only that sometimes his grandchildren get on his nerves, “because they move things around. They’re into everything, the younger ones. They move around all my art things and stationery.”
It’s time for me to leave now; Alex has to collect Hannah. Before I go he and Vivian tell me that their apartment feels empty without their grandchildren.
“When they don’t come over Vivian and I feel lonely. We call them up and say, “Why don’t you come over?”