The celebration of Mother’s Day has now passed. Many mothers were pampered. Flowers, chocolates, lunches and all sorts of gifts were showered on the lucky ones. Hallmark cards were bought in abundance. Nice thoughts were shared all around. Cemeteries were visited.
Mother’s Day has been commercialised, say a lot of people. Anna Jarvis who managed to found Mother’s Day and have it recognized as a holiday in the United States in 1914, she was already disappointed with its commercialization by the 1920s. Imagine the level of commercialisation today! On the other hand, if the buying of gifts (and the concomitant commercialisation) reflects true respect, what’s wrong, say I?
Each year several people say that every day should be a mother's day. Those people are right to say so. There is nothing stopping them respecting their mothers each day and buying her gifts each day. However, if the annual celebration of Mother’s Day is the symbol of the respect being shown throughout the year it’s all well and good. I doubt, though, whether this respect is really being shown.
The reality is that mothers are not as supported as they should be.
1. Unfair burden on working mothers
Official policy is all out for working women. There is nothing wrong with that if it is done in full respect of the decision of those who prefer to stay at home taking care of their kids, especially when they are still too young. This is not always done. Those who stay at home are described as “inactive”. This appellative is unjust as it is untrue. Taking care of two toddlers is much more active than most jobs I know of. Besides it is more important for society – again – than most jobs I know of.
But I respect the decision to work outside home or to work inside one’s home. There is a catch to all this. There are still too many men who expect their wives to work a full time job – and sometimes this is more demanding than that of the husband himself – and then to do all (or almost all) the household chores that were traditionally the role of women. Probably the number of these men is smaller than it was ten years ago, but it is still large. Besides, for anyone lumped up with such a man the statistic would amount to 100%.
Many mothers are made to feel guilty if because of their work outside one’s home (many times this is not a freely chosen option but it is a necessity) they would “neglect” some of the tasks that women working full time inside their homes do. This is not right especially if this “neglect” is the fault of the husband who does not contribute enough to household work.
2. Support workplace flexibility and other leave policies
Work-life balance is a challenge for mothers whatever their work is, but that's especially true for women whose jobs do not provide enough flexibility. A professional would tend to have more flexibility in his/her working times than a factory worker. Whatever wishes are expressed at the political level it is a known fact that this negatively affects more women than men. Women are much more likely than their husbands to be caretakers of children or adult family members. This lack of flexibility is exacerbated because today parent days are held during working hours, special school holidays affect the working hours of others, disparity between the holiday times of different schools cause havoc for working mothers.
3. Violence Against Women
Domestic violence is a serious issue not only for women and mothers, but for their children as well -- studies have shown that domestic violence has devastating, long-term effects on children. Supporting mothers means bolstering support for domestic violence programmes.
There are many who still prefer to hear no evil and see no evil while consequently letting this grave social malady fester.
4. Safety net services for single mothers
The safety net that our system of social services provides is quite advanced, but it is never enough. Single mothers in particular need all the help that they can get. This is not a task that can be adequately executed by the state alone. The role of civil society – particularly the Church – is essential. But sopra corna bastonate, many tend to tar all single mothers as if they are abusing the system. This is definitively not true. The abusers should, quite naturally be punished, but the vast majority who need the help of the state and civil society should not be the target of such malicious stereotyping. Every single mother could have chosen abortion. They should not be punished for choosing life.
5. Celebrate mothers of all backgrounds
My comment about single mothers introduces my parting shot. It is essential that we honour all mothers particularly all those mothers who are routinely ignored or reviled, so we must help dispel stereotypes in whatever way we can.
All mothers deserve love and respect, not just on Mother's Day but every day.