Seasoned in sleaze... number the 47th...

More diary entries by the Parliamentary Secretary for Wasting Resources.

I round off the morning by making a most attractive necklace out of multi-coloured paper clips

Sunday
These are politically uncertain times and the opposition Sunday scandal sheets are losing no time in milking the situation. In today’s edition of Mhux Kuljum they draw up two lists of government MPs. Those of a so-called “independent and pragmatic mind”. (By that they mean Franco and cronies) – and those prepared to “brown-nose their way into favour”.

Three guesses where yours truly ends up? True, I may be seen, in some quarters, as somewhat sycophantic; but I am nonetheless proud of my affiliations. Oh yes, I know which side my bread’s buttered on.

Monday
Another hard morning at my office at the ministry.

Spend the first 40 minutes reading the newspapers. The next 30 playing solitaire on my computer. Then a much-needed coffee break, after which I go straight into a whole 20 minutes solving today’s Times Sudoku puzzle. A further 20 or so minutes playing with my new executive toy... the one with the two large ball-bearings on wires.

And I round off the morning by making a most attractive necklace out of multi-coloured paper clips.

Not one I’ll give to Angelika,her taste is far too expensive; butLudmilla might appreciate it.

Tuesday
Long boozy lunch with Clyde Borg Beresford, who graduated law at the same time I did.

He also joined the same law firm afterwards. He spends the whole lunch bragging about his new top-of-the-range BMW,the extension to his villa in Madliena, his Criss-Craft cruiser and the holiday apartment he’s just bought in Taormina.

While I languish in Parliament on a parliamentary secretary’s miserable salary. I’m beginning to think Clive got the better deal.

Wednesday
To the House:

Where I deftly and succinctly field – what might otherwiseseem – a couple of rather tricky PQs.

In fact, my answers are so adroit and obfuscatory, the entire opposition benches are struck dumbin response.

Later my opposite number confronts me in the gents and says: “Have you any idea what a total a*** you made of yourself in there?”

You know, sometimes I despair for the intellects of those people.

Thursday
I am besieged in my office by a plague of Frogs.

A delegation from a French food manufacturing company who represent what they call a revolutionary new process that could feed whole countries cheaply and efficiently. They have developed a method by which organic household waste can be converted into palatable, high-protein food. They call it “Tofu from trash” – and they want us to invest heavily in it.

But... since their literature informs me that they are part of some organisation called ‘Euro Ethical Business Practices’ I tell them I’ll think about it and kick them out of my office. I mean... if there’s not going to be anything in it for me... why bother.

Friday
More whingers to blight my day.

As I am about to get into my official car outside my residence, a fellow waylays me and asks what I intend to do about all the potholed roads in my district. I dismiss him curtly and tell my driver to...drive on.

However, as we are leaving my village and approaching Valletta Road, a loud clunk brings my car to a shuddering stop. My driver gets out and examines the underneath of the vehicle. His somewhat intemperate language tells me he has discovered a problem. Apparently a large pothole has caused my official car’s front axle to snap in two and we are stranded.

Bastards! I’ll tell my colleague, the minister for potholes, to get his finger out and deal with it... pronto!

Saturday
A morning spent subtly canvassing around my district, well, who knows when we’ll have to sweep into full election mode – especially if Franco keeps playing hard to get – before returning home. Where... I am met by my ‘darling’ wife Angelika, who informs me: “I’m pregnant... again.”

You are! How the hell did that happen? I mean when... how... or more to the point... who?