Apparently it's fine for common mortals to queue at the post office to pick up votes and to waste hours at sundry government departments to carry out necessities. It is not fine, however, for the privileged caste in Malta – ie the hunters – to use their precious time in order to pick up their permit/yellow armband.

Why waste time on legal requirements when you can be using up your day so much more productively? Such as by hunting turtle doves and quail into possible extinction, for instance.

My heart bled upon reading an interview with the man who is being touted as "the moderate face of hunting", Mr Mark Mifsud Bonnici. Mr Mifsud Bonnici, I'll have you all know, is currently being subjected to "unnecessary torture", the likes of which would probably galvanise an organisation such as Amnesty International into fast action, if only it were to learn about these flagrant acts of cruelty that we're witnessing in Malta. Poor guy needs to wait a couple of days before he has his permit in hand and can legally use his shotgun to continue decimating the bird population. Yup, hideous torture indeed.

Mr Mifsud Bonnici might indeed be moderate and law-abiding when it comes to pursuing his hobby. But logical and reasonable? Not so much. The hunter's first bone of contention seems to be that he was made to pay €50 for the permit which comes in the shape of a yellow armband. Welcome to civilised society is all I can say, where those whose hobby can kill or maim a person are expected to fork out the dough that will keep them responsible. In some cases, the tools of your hobby aren't even dangerous and yet you're still expected to pay – amateur radio enthusiasts spring to mind. Yet, I don't hear them whining.

The second bone of contention relates to the fact that he wasn't at home when this yellow armband was delivered and now he will have to schlep it all the way to the post office. Because of course, government and the postal services are expected to schedule their services around the convenience of our hunters. Welcome to the real world Mr Mifsud Bonnici, that's all I can say.

Third complaint? Mr Mifsud Bonnici's friend couldn't attend the interview with this media house because... wait for it, this is really priceless... he wasn't given the required time off work. You'd think that this is hardly a complaint that is relevant to the hunting cause.

Oh but it is, apparently. The leave was denied because the person in question had already applied for other last-minute leave to coincide with the opening of the hunting season today. Obtaining leave, we were told, was not easy "after the government's last minute decision to announce the season dates".

The implication being, of course, that government should be ashamed for not making the leave requirements of hunters a priority when drafting regulations. While we're at it, why not make the granting of leave to hunters during open season obligatory on employers?

If hunters are allowed to live in this parallel universe where their hobby assumes priority over the sensible running of a country, I don't see why I should not do the same. I really have a good mind to whip up an official petition next time I miss the delivery of my Amazon package. Why should I be made to queue at the post-office when I can cry "unnecessary torture" instead? And those deadlines had better place themselves on hold because I just decided I absolutely must attend The Beano Easter tour in London this weekend.

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