At the theatre. I agree that theatres announce at the beginning of a performance that patrons are to switch off their mobiles, pagers, telepathetic receivers, yakking tongue and so on.
They should also discourage strumming. Strumming? Yes, a gentleman and his spouse sitting behind me during a musical performance kept strumming on my seat until I turned round and proposed lynching as an alternative to strumming.
He could have bought the seat I was sitting on to be at liberty to strum. The other option was for him to wait until he went back home and practised strumming in the privacy of his abode.
I do come across kinder behaviour, however. A lady in front of me once flipped her long hair behind her and placed it over my cold knees. This was welcome as the theatre was a bit cold. I did hope, however, that there were no creatures in her forest.
At the bar
You may come across an odd defence counsel whose voice and body reveal character. Once there was one who often shouted himself hoarse and even attempted a mild form of sarcasm, which made at least one person smile – himself.
Exceptional legal finesse sometimes uses the foghorn method as a means of persuasion. Of course, it does not work but rather gives the impression that noise is sometimes mistakenly considered to compensate for good argument.
People watching the exuberant, noisy, pathetic performance may conclude that the poor chap is aggressive and antipathetic. But they are mistaken. Some great legal minds are in reality very timid; they create noise and sundry gesticulations to camouflage this fact. It’s just a defence mechanism.
On the buses
Seeing two couples of tourists on buses is so sweet. They have organised a trip in a foursome as they are neighbours, relatives or gang members. Some travel from Valletta to Sliema. They comment on the streets of Malta, the peculiar boats at Pietà creek, the sea waves of Sliema, the molecular structure of the waves, the colour of the letter boxes, the shape of the dustbins, the driver’s ears etc.
They are spending a lovely holiday.
Spaghetti
Some people go round the streets placing on the ground all sorts of food for rats. A friend told me that he found a plate of spaghetti on his garage ramp. The generous spaghetti person must have thought my friend was starving just because he was on a diet. He was only partially generous, however, as the spaghetti had no parmesan cheese on it.
Legs
I sometimes see tourists wearing an anorak, shorts and flip flops. I wonder where they come from. It must be a country where people have cold torsos and hot legs.
This country does not usually approve of legs with high temperatures though tolerance is improving. One lady wearing a skirt over a string was recently found not guilty of offending the morals of the nation. Courts usually make sure people have no conflict of interests, no strings attached.
Legs discussion sometimes also figures in office chat. Some people come into the office every morning prepared to condemn the sexy attire of people over 40 – as if these should wear sacks for repentance. People are also condemned for having been seen with this one or that one. The wagging inquisitorial tongue may perhaps be replaced by legs going somewhere and having fun instead of finding horror in others’ legs.
Legs may also be used in presidential elections. A journalist coming back from Syria with a broken leg was welcomed at the airport by a Sarkozian President hoping to be re-elected. The cameras were there, too.
Incidentally why wasn’t the Syrian population helped like the Libyans were against a similar dictator?
Salon versus kitchen
Politicians making home visits are now being encouraged to chat with the hosts in the kitchen rather than the sitting-room, though using the same rhetoric. Politicians visiting my kitchen must be prepared to stir the pasta or the rice please – not just sit and pontificate on how close s/he feels to us. The kitchen already provides heat.
No talking
A vacancy for a factory worker stated that the candidate must have “a non-talkative attitude.” I wonder if trade unions and the International Labour Organisation accept that employers demand that employees work 40 hours without saying a word.
Be kind
During TV debates, I sometimes hear: “You worry me when you say these things”. This has even conditioned chairmen to say: “How much does this worry you?” For heaven’s sake, please stop worrying the poor guests who are already worrying each other!
Anti-hatred law
Congrats for the initiative to enact an anti-hatred law. However, some people are horrified at the rejection of immigrants but smile at the rejection of fellow Maltese. Strange Tartuffism!