Primary sauce

Every so often, someone gets a bee in his bonnet about the national broadcaster and this, depending upon several circumstances, may even lead to a Parliamentary Question.

The latest example involved Gino Cauchi (PL) who tabled a question asking how much Magic Radio studios cost. Education Minister Dolo­res Cristina, responsible for PBS, quoted the princely sum of €7,737.17.

This total came about after demolition works (€672.60); structural works (€4,058.02); plastering and related work (€292.52); painting (€1,141.30); aluminium (€820) and €752.73 on unspecified items.

It gets better. The studio is also being used for current affairs programmes such as TVAM, Kontrattakk and Dissett. This explains why certain presenters’ comments might be at a variance with what would be happening in the great outdoors.

In an ideal world, it probably makes sense to use a radio station for television programmes. But it means that unless there are split-second agendas, some programmes have to be recorded, which is not good for a station used to top the charts in the listenership ratings.

Listening to the playlist, one could be forgiven for thinking that someone dug up assorted radio cassettes or vinyl records belonging to sundry members of the family, and is playing them willy-nilly. Whatever happened to ‘More music, less talk’, the slogan that had already been contravened a few months into the station’s inauguration, for that matter?

There are people who will actually zap to another station if an unfamiliar song comes on. I recall reading somewhere that the idea behind Magic was to have 1,000 records from the past 40 years played day in, day out, but not in a loop, with each 10th song being a very familiar one. But all this is history.

What I find annoying is that the money problem was cited as the reason why Bronja went off air 10 years ago – as well as a dearth of listeners. What replaced it was a constant borrowing of Radju Malta from Campus FM, which means the target audience of the former may have already heard them on the latter.

What makes a good programme and a programme good, is not state-of-the-art equipment and comfortable chairs, and guests who are made to come bearing gifts or risk being lambasted on air.

As a corollary: an article that comes out of a wonky typewriter could be miles better than the one that comes out of the hi-tech PC with voice recognition.

• At long last, PBS has recognised that there is a second gender, and that women are as capable of men of being narrators. One of my favourite actresses, Margaret Agius, is now alternating with Ġorġ Peresso in the early afternoon readings on Radju Malta. Ironically, however, the novel she is reading has a male point of view – L-Isqaq, by Ġużé Chetcuti.

• It happens almost every year. The people behind San Remo watch the local Eurovision Song Contest. They pinpoint the errors, and then go and prove that anything we can do they can do better – or, actually worse.

I complained about the script handed to Elaine and Ron. So they let Adriano Celenato loose… without a script. Inevitably, he took advantage of the situation and rambled on from his platform, all too obviously wreaking revenge (mostly against Avvenire and Famiglia Cristiana) under the guise of a free-form, definitely unfunny monologue.

Roberto Beningni and Beppe Grillo have an audience as does Celenato. But Il Molleggiatio has made an art form of allowing his tongue to run away with him – this time, alas, his brain followed suit and his oration was akin to a personal vendetta.

Having said that, I insist there are presenters who need a script to follow. Just because the programme in which they are involved is aimed at the younger age-groups, it does not mean that ‘anything goes’.

Some opine that it is ‘more natural’ to have a topic and ad lib around it. But unless the team in front of the cameras spends a lot of time in and out of one another’s pockets, the result is likely to be patchy, repetitive, and full of awkward silences.

A recent case in point involved the finding of a stray puppy which apparently had not yet had an identity chip inserted. This incident came in the middle of preparations for a party and sundry other topics.

So the idea of sending an e-mail (why not a posting on social sites, seeing that a plethora of photographs was taken?) announcing the find, the washing of the dog and its potential adoption, were some of the loose ends that tangled up the already convoluted preparations for the festivity, and the sprucing up of the area where it was going to be held.

• It has become a habit for wannabe satirists to develop ‘characters’ who are supposed to make a TV or radio audience laugh. These days, this is rarely done with the finesse of the erstwhile Radju Malta programme Ħallini Minnek. The ‘created people’ are usually crass, uncouth and rude.

Most of them, for some reason, have a nickname. This would not be so bad, save for the fact that they also tend to have a physical, mental, or emotional impairment or six, and here I do not mean ‘just’ a slight limp, a nervous tick and buck teeth.

It is all in good fun; anyone who is offended can zap to another station, the producers tell us. What irritates me is that whenever I write to any production house to complain, I am told I am the only one to have done so – something which I would know for a fact is not true.

It is also implied that it is my “dirty mind” which would have misunderstood and misconstrued the meaning of certain phrases and actions.

So much for self-censorship.

television@timesofmalta.com