Teenagers who start dating need to be made aware of the dangers of getting trapped in an abusive relationship, according to a victim of domestic violence.

“They need to open their eyes to the signs. For example, a young man who orders a Coke and sandwich for himself and then orders his girlfriend not to eat is a warning sign to run a mile... Domestic violence awareness needs to start from dating age,” said Andrea* who recently walked away from her abusive husband after three decades.

One of the biggest problems, she said, was that victims did not realise they were being abused and needed help from the outside to open their eyes. Although the ongoing awareness campaign urging victims to seek help was positive, to truly fight domestic violence, other people had to have the courage to speak up on the behalf of the victim, she said.

Andrea’s turning point came when her husband’s psychiatrist told her that the domestic violence she was enduring had nothing to do with a medical condition and he advised her to leave her husband.

“I needed to hear it from a professional,” she said, adding that she also received support from the government’s social agency Appoġġ.

Before Andrea was married she knew her husband was a possessive man since he complained when she went out with her mother.

Once the knot was tied, the dark aggressive side of the man she loved emerged. He controlled her by not giving her money and even dictated what she wore, ate and did.

He soon started beating her for trivial reasons such a spilling tea or wearing nail polish. She made excuses for him and blamed herself. She tried to reach out for help and often went out in the garden to cry hoping a neighbour would pick up on her grief. She often went to her doctor with suspicious injuries but he never asked about them.

Today Andrea is separated from her husband. “I am at peace... But a victim of domestic violence remains a victim. Sometimes, something I hear brings back flashbacks... But the free days are slowly increasing,” she said.

A study on the prevalence of domestic violence in Malta showed that a quarter of women have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused by their husband or partner. More than half of the abused women never sought help.

On Friday, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, Family Minister Dolores Cristina said domestic violence was never justified. People who require assistance can contact the Domestic Violence Services within Appoġġ on supportline 179.

*Name and some personal details have been changed.

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