Like most people in Catholic countries I was brought up in what I today consider a morbid atmosphere.

At home we had a painful looking Jesus bleeding all over a crucifix in every room, and at school we had crying statues of the Holy Mary stabbed in the chest with a silver knife. At grandma there were pictures of Jesus crowned in prickly thorns, and at my aunts' there were talking serpents and pictures of hells of fire all over the place.

We were also regularly reminded that if we didn't always obey our parents, sacrificed our sweets on Wednesdays, gave up on meat on Fridays, helped the poor on Saturdays, attended mass on Sundays, and stayed away from boys and donated money to the nuns on every other day, we were going straight to that scorching hell right there in the picture... for eternity and a day of course, with no chance for parole, forgiveness or redemption... ever.

These grotesque images and stories formed part of our daily lives, and the rules were way too many to remember, so just like the pictures and the statues, even the rules became part of the furniture, and no one in their right mind was ever too worried about them, let alone disturbed.

The same would happen to Halloween in Malta, if only The Church didn't feel threatened by a few carved pumpkins and left the whole thing alone!

I'm referring of course to the now infamous letter which was lately distributed in the areas of Balzan, Lija and Attard by the Balzan parish priest. In the letter he condemned the celebration of Halloween and tried to put the fear of God (and Satan) into parents who (shock horror) allow their children to wear silly costumes and go trick or treating.

Now I don't know about you but I find trick or treating extremely similar to Christmas carolling, except that with trick or treaters you can get rid of the little rascals with a couple of lollipops, whilst with Christmas carolling you have no choice but to stand there and endure the torture, unless of course you're ready to slam the door shut and be branded the village scrooge.

Surely the Church has every right to an opinion, and as far removed from reality as it might be that opinion in this case is that Halloween may lead to occult practices, Satanism, sadistic sex, mutilation, strange death practices, and sexual violence.

Again I reiterate - the Church has every right to opine, but opinions that are pushed down so forcefully down people's throats, automatically grant the public the right to opine back. The letter could have been considered harmless, it could easily have been taken with a pinch of salt, and it could simply have been interpreted as a silly piece of uncoordinated PR by one old fashioned parish priest who has watched too many movies and has been away from Malta for a tad too long, but because of the stark hypocrisy that it is laden with, this badly designed letter caused quite an uproar especially amongst the younger generations and on the social media.

The letter also takes a shot at Heavy Metal music claiming that this too could lead to Satanism and occult practices. As silly as this might sound to some, I have to come clean with something here. I must admit here that there is some truth in this claim. In fact I have decided to share my story with you in order to help you avoid going down my sinful path.

You see, when I was in my teens I used to be a country music ballad fan. Hand on heart that's the truth and nothing but the truth. I used to love singing along with the soft lyrics whilst dreaming of love and the happily ever after. Then, one day, at catechism, after having been reminded of the burning hell that awaited me if I didn't go home and prayed some more, the teacher threw in a warning about Heavy Metal music. She told us that it was wrong to listen to it because it contains hidden messages in the lyrics, and possess evil powers.

Of course, young as I was at the time, even though that kind of music had never interested me one bit before, after such a cryptic warning, there was nothing else I wanted to do but to listen to Heavy Metal.

So, I ran home, dug up some Metallica and listened to it attentively on my walkman. I listened and listened, and closed my eyes for something to happen. I put the volume up to the max and tried to decipher the words backwards. I gingerly waited for lightening to hit or at least for the bulbs in my room to dim.

And finally, low and behold, something did happen - an evil miracle that I had never witnessed with any other type of music. Suddenly, miraculously, I couldn't hear my parents bickering and arguing in the other room. Clearly the other music that I used to listen to before was way too soft to drown them out and only the power of heavy metal could manage this. So that teacher was right after all. Heavy Metal does have hidden evil powers, and you better keep your children away from it.

Now you might think that listening to Heavy Metal couldn't have been such a difficult habit to kick, but as with all sinful treats, it wasn't. It took me ten years to get over it. Yes ten whole years to get that evil music out of my system. Ten long years - exactly the amount of time I needed to get my act together and move out and into my own place for some piece and quite!

Now, miraculously, I'm back on the straight and narrow, and to the irritation of my friends, I'm back to listening and singing country music every chance I get.

And as a final note for all those who take things at face value and are not finding this amusing at all, let me set some records straight: Halloween doesn't have satanic origins so stop fretting at the sight of a pumpkin or a three year old zombie. Satan's origins lie securely within the Catholic religion, in fact the Catholic Church hasn't got much competition in that area.

Halloween's origins lie in Celtic natural religions which were probably the earliest sort of religious systems invented by human beings. They were generally focused on the direct experience of natural events and natural objects, and because in Celtic regions the end of summer could very well have meant death for crops and people, they used to celebrate 'the end of summer' in this way.

Oh, and the carving of pumpkins into lanterns was just a way of remembering the souls in purgatory. We on the other hand exchange money with the Church to remember our relative's souls during mass.

Now go figure the hypocrisy!