“Ah Gaby, come in please... sit down. Now, you know why I’ve asked you to come and see me in my office today, don’t you?”

We’ve all seen them getting into line as the photographer approaches

“Um, not really, Mr Borg Mackay. It surely can’t be about my sales figures; they are up again this month and... ”

“Indeed they are, Gaby, but isn’t that what we pay you for? No, it’s not directly about your sales figures, but then sales figures are not the be-all and end-all of sales now are they?”

“Aren’t they, Mr Borg Mackay?”

“No, Gaby they’re not. There are other factors that contribute greatly to making a complete sales person – and these have to be taken into consideration in our day-to-day operations.”

“Oh?”

“Our sales people are the very first contact our clients have with this company; so... it is up to each and every one of you to be especially... what?”

“Er... diligent?”

“Diligent, yes of course, but that’s not what I’m getting at. No, you all... have to strive for maximum... vis-i-bil-i-ty.”

“Er...?”

“You have to be out there at all times, Gaby, in the client’s face. But are you? For instance, how many times recently has your photo appeared clutching a glass and grinning like a loon in the paparazzi pages of Circular Sunday?”

“Er...”

“Exactly! I have scoured the pages of the last four issues and you do not appear in any of them. That’s what I’m getting at Gaby... visibility.”

“But Mr Borg Mackay, I attended all the recent cocktail parties and receptions photographed for Circular Sunday.

“I attended the launch of Rooney Uomo, the brand new men’s cologne, aftershave and mixer endorsed by that famous footballer and Mensa aspirant – and although I made sure I was never more than a metre away from the official photographer the whole time – and even though I smiled at him and stood in a group of four people... he completely ignored me.

“And for the reception to celebrate the 10th successful month in business of Ghetto Estate Agents, I even bought a new dress and had my hair styled like Lady Gaga.

“I also managed to make up a group of four with Lou Bondi, Chiara Syracusa and George Pullicino...”

“The photographer probably didn’t have a wide enough lens. But Gaby, love you as I do, I have to tell you that these are all just excuses. Why do the other people always seem to get their sales staff in the photos?

“Every time I open a copy of one of the lifestyle magazines aimed at the 30-somethings... and only the 30-somethings, I always seem to see the same salespeople.

“There’s that girl with the double-barrelled name from 30-plus mag... and that fat bloke from The Times; how do they manage to get their mugs in every single month? No Gaby, I’m afraid it just won’t do I’m afraid.”

“Well, quite frankly Mr Borg Mackay... If you must know, I really don’t give a toss! You see, I have decided that if I have to jump through all the hoops you seem to want me to jump through... you can stuff your job.

“The more I do this the more I realise I am totally unsuited to what you seem to require from me – the ability to prostrate myself before the altar of personal humiliation.”

“Gaby, before you say something you’ll regret...”

“No chance of that Mr Borg Mackay, my mind’s made up. You want me to feature prominently in the paparazzi pages of the Sunday supplements... sorry, but the prospect of lining up with all those sad people I see at the average launch party or reception, makes my stomach churn.

“We’ve all seen them getting into line as the photographer approaches: ‘Oh look, he wants to take our picture... smile.’ No thank you very much, I’d sooner take cyanide.

“So goodbye, Mr Borg Mackay... and good riddance!”

“Oh dear, right, well... and I was going to give her a raise. Ah well.”

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