Social and unsocial snippets

Half measures

I heard of an area where residents had purchased very expensive plots and built attractive houses. To the west of this area, there will be a pig farm and to the east, a cow farm. I believe that these permissions are incomplete. No permission has yet been granted for a goat farm to the north and a chicken farm to the south.

Diapers

A recent correspondent stated that foreign students used the garage door of the Minister of Education as a latrine. This is a double insult as education also means manners. Can hosting structures, apart from packed lunches for these students, also provide diapers please?

Battles

During a viva, a student was explaining that, in a particular play, a young man had a battle with his father-in-law. A lecturer retorted that there are no battles without armies! Which proves that literature and military strategy may be related. This could give prime ministers ideas on how to save money on ministerial salaries by including education and culture with home affairs incorporating the army.

Geometry

Teacher: What do you call the method of measuring the distance between A and B by passing first through B and C?

Pupil: Arriva.

Mechanics

Lecturer: How do you explain the fact that high-performance military aircraft often develop mechanical faults forcing them to land earlier than planned?

Student: Faulty VRT or plane coincidence.

Kissing Gaddafi

No sooner had Muammar Gaddafi been universally declared a bogeyman than some politicians started accusing each other of having kissed him recently. Soon the dictator was stripped of all honours and gardens. Whoever wants to kiss in a garden a stripped dictator who believed in a permanent government by one party?

A sad loss

During the divorce referendum debate, a gentleman daily wrote to this paper warning one and all that the battle against the devil had already been won and those who disagreed with him would face BBQ damnation. Where did this gentleman disappear to? Certainly not to limbo as this had been closed down, though the Malta Environment and Planning Authority may reopen it.

Taxi licences

I saw regulations for taxi drivers stating “All taxi drivers must provide a certificate that they are fit to drive every five years”. How can a taxi driver make a living if he only drives once every five years?

Beach libraries

Signs must be placed on beach libraries in all languages, especially Spanish, stating that the metallic structure containing books is not a toilet (neither ministers’ garages). Nor is it meant for bullfighting target practice by headbutting. While on beaches, it seems as if lifeguards start work at 10 a.m. Before that time, try practising saving yourself.

At the party

Elderly lady: I’m very sorry but all you write is hogwash.

Writer: But I have never tried to wash you, dear.

The robust and the aesthetic

A car advert stated: “My parents want to buy a new car. My mum wants it beautiful, my dad wants it strong”. Sounds like a sexist advert, thus in disagreement with law. The macho creator could be made to do community work, which is less punitive but more reformative. For example, he could be asked to clean the offices of some groups of architects and engineers where most experts are ladies.

Strong men

Four men armed with knives robbed an old lady living on her own in the countryside. These men and their friends have now been hired to smash international terrorism. They will be organised in groups of 100 against lonely, weak octogenarians. Some old folk are quite strong and, you never know, you’d better be well-prepared.

The curse

Recently, I saw a job vacancy advert stating that candidates required “An ETC curse”. Sounds contradictory. How can you expect employment when you are cursed? Another employer wanted someone 56 days per week. Talk of capitalism!

Solidarity

I write in solidarity with some writers and cartoonists who have commitments to deliver several articles or cartoons per month. It is not easy. On top of this, some impose unnecessary parameters on themselves like partisan politics, which may be boring if continuous. I believe they should struggle to widen their scope of writing and drawing for more appreciation and self-satisfaction.

Health promotion

The authorities are re-educating citizens who unintentionally feed rats. People may feed freely all animals outside their homes, including reptiles, unicorns, seagulls etc but immediately after take the food back in to avoid rat infestation, which brings serious disease. Fines for ignoring health and hygiene warnings are apparently hefty.

Box jellyfish

Various shapes of jellyfish have been reported to the jelly info centre including box jellyfish that are relatively linear and more organised. They reflect the signs of the times. Meanwhile, the fried egg or qassata jellyfish are not to be eaten.