Whatever will be, will be

Before you write in to give me a telling off, I am well aware that I promised not to make any more of my legendarily inaccurate football predictions for a while.

But that vow was made a few months ago when I was enduring a particularly bleak spell. Back then if I had predicted I would be having eggs for breakfast, you could pretty much assume it would be cornflakes.

However, time is a great healer and I now feel ready to climb aboard the prediction bandwagon once again. You didn’t seriously expect me not to break my vow with a new Premier League season upon us, did you? Well, did you? That sort of temptation was always going to be too much.

So here you go. Read them and weep. I usually do a few months later…

Arsenal

Thoughts: Neck on the line time here: I think this will be Arsene Wenger’s last season at Arsenal. It’s one thing being given time to build a team of youngsters but it’s quite another when the best of those youngsters start departing before they have even won anything. I believe only the league title can keep the Arsenal/Arsene love affair on track and I just can’t see that happening. This was supposed to be a summer of strengthening for Arsenal. So far, however, the squad has only got weaker. There is still time to fix it, of course. And some new signings will surely come in. But Arsenal don’t just need new signings they need spectacular ones and Wenger has never been too keen on making those. Would dearly love them to win the title, but at this point, I can’t see them doing it.

Key player: Jack Wilshere will need to grab the team by the scruff of the neck when Nasri and Fabregas depart.

Final position: third

Aston Villa

Thoughts: New Villa boss Alec McLeish is my bet for first managerial casualty of the season. It’s fair to say a large chunk of the Villa Park faithful were less than happy with his appointment – not surprising considering he crossed the city from rivals Birmingham City. And that means he is living on borrowed time – a few poor results at and the crowds will be calling for his head. Instead of backing him, they will be waiting for him to show signs of failing. Add in the fact that they have lost Stewart Downing and Ashley Young and it doesn’t look like being a great season for Villa.

Key player: Darren Bent – the most consistent English striker in the league.

Final position: 12th

Blackburn Rovers

Thoughts: When Blackburn’s new owners unfairly fired Sam Allardyce last season, everybody thought it would be in favour of a big name manager. It wasn’t. Assistant boss Steve Kean got the job and set about showing what a shrewd move it was by guiding the team from relative safety to near relegation. And I fully expect him to continue his downward spiral this year only this time with more dire consequences. Don’t you just love it when people who know next to nothing about football buy clubs?

Key player: Mauro Formica – an attacking Argentinian midfielder who could be about to hit it big.

Final position: 18th

Bolton Wanderers

Thoughts: With every passing year it is getting harder and harder to remember a time when Bolton were not a Premier League side. And with Owen Coyle in charge, they are in no danger of losing that status. The brand of football they play is a unique combination of powerful attacking and eloquent passing that can be a real pleasure to watch. They need to hold on to Gary Cahill, if at all possible, and need a new striker to share the burden with the ageing Kevin Davies. But I have them down for a very safe top half finish.

Key player: Kevin Davies – the veteran striker remains the focal point of Bolton’s play.

Final position: seventh

Chelsea

Thoughts: Although I’m sure it is the last thing Roman Abramovich wants to hear, I can’t see this being anything other than a transitional season for his team. New manager Andre Villas-Boas may eventually turn out to be the best thing since sliced bread, but there is no getting away from the fact that he has inherited a team with too many old legs in it. The rebuilding work has begun but I get the distinct impression it will take another year before they are ready to challenge at the top both at home and in Europe. The question is will Andre be given that long…?

Key player: Fernando Torres – depending on which version of the striker turns up this season.

Final position: second

Everton

Thoughts: Back in the days of Howard Kendall and Gary Lineker, Everton were one of England’s ‘big four’ clubs, before the big four properly existed as a concept. The Everton of today, however, is a shadow of its former self with nothing like the resources needed to compete at the top level. The club desperately needs an investor or two to come in with some serious money. Until that happens, however, David Moyes knows he has to sell to buy and that is no way to run a club of Everton’s tradition and stature. Moyes for Arsenal anyone?

Key player: Phil Neville – he keeps on performing brilliantly though well past his sell-by date.

Final position: ninth

Fulham

Thoughts: You can’t help but feel a little stability would be nice at Craven Cottage. Starting every season with a new manager is hardly the ideal way to make progress, although you have to have some sympathy as its not like they are firing their bosses. Just misplacing them. Martin Jol has a major point to prove in English football, but I can’t see him proving very much at Fulham this season. It will be interesting to see what happens when he takes his team to White Hart Lane.

Key player: Bobby Zamora – this late bloomer has proved to be a potent attacking force.

Final position: 15th

Liverpool

Thoughts: When Newcastle recently announced Joey Barton was available on a free transfer, rumour has it Liverpool immediately put in a £20 million bid. Okay, that’s only a joke that’s doing the rounds, but the truth is Liverpool have paid over the odds for players like Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing and Jordan Henderson. However, the inflated prices shouldn’t detract from the squad that Dalglish is building. It might not all fall into place this season, but by next they could once again be a genuine force in English football. If Steven Gerrard’s groin doesn’t explode in the meantime.

Key player: Charlie Adam – I get the feeling the former Blackpool player is destined to become an Anfield legend.

Final position: fifth

Manchester City

Thoughts: A reader once wrote in and questioned why I was so unhappy with Manchester City’s new found wealth. I thought you would be happy that another team is capable of competing for the title rather than just the usual suspects, he said. And I would be, if building said team had not been done in such an in-your-face, we’re-richer-than-you fashion. This summer has seen the big spending policy continue and it has to be said they now have themselves a seriously formidable squad. But will they win the title? Well, eventually yes, I think that is almost inevitable. Under Roberto Mancini, however, I doubt it. His brand of football may have worked well in Italy but I think it is just too defensive for England. They could do well in Europe however.

Key player: Sergio Aguero – when you pay that sort of money for a player, he just has to be the key.

Final position: fourth

Manchester United

Thoughts: They are going to be Champions. Again. No doubt in my mind at all. And no, I’m not trying to jinx them. Sir Alex’s boys managed it last season while never really playing that well. But the new signings that have arrived at Old Trafford should really make the team start to tick. Just when some were wondering if Sir Alex was losing his edge, he goes and pulls another magnificent young team out of the bag. Not just champions, but totally dominant champions this year. I’m sticking a fiver on it.

Key player: Nani – it’s time for him to step out of the still-lurking shadow of Cristiano Ronaldo.

Final position: first

Newcastle United

Thoughts: I really can’t get my head around Newcastle. They have all the makings of a big – make that huge – club but an owner who shows the leadership skills of a blancmange. Firing Chris Houghton in the middle of the season was a mind-bogglingly stupid thing to do and Mike Ashley is following that up by allowing all the club’s best players to be sold. Alan Pardew has enough experience to deal with the situation, I’m sure. But don’t be surprised if he is fired by Christmas with the team sitting 10 points clear at the top of the table.

Key player: Hatem Ben Arfa – if they can get him fit and keep him fit, this lad can win games.

Final position: 13th

Norwich City

Thoughts: Going from League One to the Premiership in consecutive seasons is no mean feat and nobody should underestimate the amazing job Paul Lambert has done at Norwich. However, sometimes consecutive promotions can be a bad thing, not giving you time to build a squad capable of surviving on your second step up. I have no doubt Norwich will struggle this season but they should just about stay up. But it will really be just about. The news that Delia Smith is resigning as head of catering at Carrow Road means you probably shouldn’t eat the pies this season.

Key player: Grant Holt – banged them in last season and will need to do the same this.

Final position: 17th

Queens Park Rangers

Thoughts: If any of the promoted teams are a good bet stay up it’s QPR. They have very wealthy owners (although they seem determined not to show it) and a manager for whom a player would turn out even with a broken leg. Teamwork and team spirit are Neil Warnock’s trademarks and he will make sure his squad are ready to die for each other on the pitch. His managerial style might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it has the power to make teams punch above their weight. Certain survivors.

Key player: Adel Taraabt – an absolutely stunning player who has the bigger stage he needs to get a bigger club.

Final position: 16th

Stoke City

Thoughts: With every passing season they stay in the top flight, Stoke are slowly but surely shrugging off their physical image and becoming more of a footballing side. And I guess that is probably the best way to transform yourself – gradually and only after survival is guaranteed. Tony Pulis is, like Warnock and Lambert, a manager who commands total respect from his players and, as a result, tends to get the absolute maximum out of them. A mid-table finish again this season but then it could be time for them to push towards Europe next.

Key player: Jonathan Woodgate – I have a sneaky feeling he could turn out to be signing of the season.

Final position: 10th

Sunderland

Thoughts: Nobody will ever be able to accuse Sunderland’s owners of not backing their manager in the transfer market – Steve Bruce has brought in 10 players already during the close season and will probably get a few more before the transfer window shuts if he can find space for them in the dressing room. Sunderland have been teetering on the brink of becoming serious top six contenders for a while now, but they still haven’t reached their tipping point. Looking forward to seeing Connor Wickham in the top flight though – England’s future right there in red and white.

Key player: Connor Wickham – he’s still young, but he already reminds me of Alan Shearer in his prime.

Final position: 11th

Swansea City

Thoughts: The third of the promoted teams, Swansea are the one I fear for the most. Brendan Rogers got his team playing sweet football last season as they passed their way to promotion. But this is a comparatively small club in a big league and the fact that their biggest buy is £3.5 million on a striker from Watford concerns me. I’m not saying you have to spend big to stay in the top flight, just that it makes your life so much easier if you do. I have a feeling Swansea will look pretty but get blown away by physical teams and outplayed by the more cultured sides this season.

Key player: Ferrie Bodde – the midfielder missed last season through injury but can be magnificent in full flow.

Final position: 20th

Tottenham Hotspur

Thoughts: I think too much is being made of the damage Luka Modric’s potential transfer to Chelsea may cause. Quality player, undoubtedly, but this isn’t the Spurs of old where the team were based around just one or two stars. They have some proper strength in depth these days. Having said that, whether Modric stays or goes I don’t see them having quite enough to push their way back into top four contention. But they are most certainly due a good cup run and won’t be a too far off the Champions League slots. Could be Harry Redknapp’s swansong if rumours of his departure for the England job at the end of the season are true. He will want to go out with a bang.

Key player: Sandro – looking more and more like the star everyone believed he would become.

Final position: sixth

West Bromwich Albion

Thoughts: I’ve got a lot of time for Roy Hodgson and, following his sacking by Liverpool last season, time was also something he had buckets of. However, instead of sitting back and enjoying his pay-off he jumped right back into management and did a great job guiding West Brom to safety. Some shrewd signings over the summer should mean safety will be the least of their problems this season and I expect a push for Europe. They won’t get there, true, but a push is better than nothing. Just ask Didier Drogba. He’s made a career out of being pushed.

Key player: Ben Foster – a safety net because he can’t be relegated two seasons in a row can he?

Final position: eighth

Wigan Athletic

Thoughts: Lucky to stay up last season, will need to be even luckier this season. But I just don’t see it happening. There is something remarkably average about Wigan these days, not helped by their appalling attendances. When they first went up they had a buzz about them, but not any more. They have been treading water for a few years now but this could very well be the season when they finally slip below the surface.

Key player: Ali Al-Habsi – the talented goalkeeper is probably going to be Wigan’s most overworked player.

Final position: 19th

Wolverhampton Wanderers

Thoughts: Last season I tipped Wolves for relegation. And, to be fair, they came within a whisker of proving me right. The fact remains that they stayed up, however, and I expect more of the same from Mick McCarthy’s lads this season. He won’t be able to do it alone, but the signing of Jamie O’Hara from Spurs is a brilliant one. That is £5 million very well spent in my opinion. And it’s not often you get to say that these days.

Key player: Jamie O’Hara – helped keep them up last season and will do the same this.

Final position: 14th

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade