“Well gentlemen, as senior management I think we can afford to give ourselves a jolly good pat on the back, don’t you? I can see a massive improvement in our service. So far today we’ve had just 233 delays and 642 complaints.”

“Yeah but that was just in the first hour.”

“Exactly what I said, a massive improvement in our service.”

“Is that what you are going to tell Austin?”

“Austin? Austin who?”

“The, er, min-”

“Oh, that Austin. If he asks... yes.”

“One old lady threatened to sue. She claims it took her three hours and 20 minutes to get from Fgura to Paola this morning. She claims she could have walked it there and back in less time.”

“So what did you tell her?”

“I suggested she buy a bike.”

“No, no, no. You should be seen to be actively supporting and blagging-up the new service. Can’t have divided loyalties here... so I erm, suggest you give up your business partnership in that bicycle hiring firm.”

“Mr Chief Executive?”

“Yes Ramon? Oh and by the way... why have you got a black eye?”

“I was hit by a flying handbag at the Valletta terminus. It’s okay; it doesn’t hurt... much.”

“Who handbagged you?”

“Oh some old woman who thought I was you.”

“Ahem – yes, right... You were saying?”

“What? Oh yeah, just a suggestion but, um, maybe we could, erm, improve our PR.”

“PR?”

“Public relations... you know, top management getting up close and personal with the punters.”

“Up close and personal? Are you mad? I’d sooner get up close and personal with Austin – no, forget I said that and... don’t minute it!”

“What I mean is, we should get out there more and talk to thepunters. Explain our teething problems. I’m sure they’d understand.”

“Some might, but the one who blacked your eye was obviously not among them.”

“It’s worth a try, boss.”

“Hmm, it’s a high-risk strategy Ramon. I prefer our current policy.”

“Do we have one?”

“A current policy? Yes, yes I think we do... erm...”

“Which is?”

“Well, you know, pretending everything’s hunky dory and all these petty niggles will just... go away in time – hopefully.”

“But it’s not working.”

“Not so far, no. But give it time.”

“How much time?”

“Yes, well, I think we’ve wasted enough time on the negatives. Who’s going to accentuate the positives? Nobody? Aw, come on, there must be some positives. What about at our all-new, improved Park and Ride?Maurice?”

“Afraid not, I just keep getting my ear bent by punters telling me the new Park and Ride charges are a total – expletive deleted – rip-off, so they simply aren’t going to use it anymore.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah, it means Austin’s strategy is working and they’ll soon all be leaving their cars at home and travelling to and from work with us instead.”

“I don’t want to sound like the harbinger of doom but...”

“But you’re going to anyway. Go on Maurice, do your worst. I’m starting to get impervious to doom and gloom.”

“That’s good to hear ’cos now I’m starting to hear a lot of our former and potential punters are either commuting in and out via the red mini-buses or working from home, rather than spend half the day on the bus or pay a week’s wages for the privilege of parking their car with us.”

“And those are your onlyconcerns?”

“Well, yes, but...”

“Petty quibbles, Maurice, petty quibbles. We are, I can assure you, both winning the war and, more importantly, winning hearts and minds and, what’s more, let me assure you that come next spring, we shall have thousands of happy, satisfied customers who will be both delighted with our service and, hopefully, so happy that they will be more than willing to pay our revised, upwards, bus fares and even happier to stump-up for our new higher parking charges.”

“Dream on.”