When he clocks an hour off work, the whole nation takes note. David Schembri has a light hearted meeting with Boiler No. 7 (or rather, the man behind the wildly popular Facebook page) for an interview with the nation’s most powerful entity after his latest slip-up on Friday.
So, you've done it again. What's your excuse this time?
The girls in Customer Care were holding their annual start-of-summer open bar BBQ and they invited me along... There’s always a siren singing you to shipwreck, as they say, but it wasn’t too hard accepting their offer. A foreman smelt particularly foul prancing around in his boxers and flokk taċ-ċingi yesterday – something tells me it was Day 6 since his last bath. I’m on half days now anyway. That’s why I work a painfully long 45 minutes extra every day for the rest of the year.
Why did you choose not to work on Good Friday last year?
I was totally zoned out that time; it was one of the best trips I’d had in ages. There were large crocodiles, small elephants, and all that. Unfortunately I don’t remember much else.
Many are calling for your resignation...
I don’t get all this fuss. Your paper has made it worse with the lies and I sometimes think someone is putting hallucinogenic drugs in your young journalist’s coffee with milk. If they were worth their salt, your journalists would be covering the spike in births nine months after that fateful Good Friday last year. Or how enterprising Turks were selling doner kebabs like pastizzi in their candle-lit food holes while the scores of over-rated restaurateurs were too busy calling politicians to threaten them with their votes.
Besides, in my line of work I can’t just clock in and leave. When I’ve had one too many Hopleafs (or worse), I cannot afford to climb up that entire ladder for two minutes to say ‘hello’ and leave. I’m getting old now.
What are your feelings on the power station extension?
I’m very excited to welcome the young, blonde Danish turbines. The Maltese Government has even entrusted me with the honourable task of breaking them in.
What are your plans after retirement? Do you think it's anytime soon?
If it weren’t for us dinosaurs, you’d still think Libya was unsafe for travelling and that Parliament should, God forbid, listen to the mandate of the people for the sake of silly democracy. I still have a lot to contribute to the country. My conscience tells me to keep at it.
After all these years of service, do you think your salary is up for a raise?
The GRTU and every other union break my bolts every time they start complaining about the rising electricity prices. I must be the longest serving public sector employee whose rights to a decent wage are continually shunned by all and sundry. Unfortunately the public at large does not understand the huge sacrifices I have to make to serve the country. I could be earning significantly more if I were dedicating all my time gambling up the road.
What makes your blood boil?
Solar panels. In fact I’m lobbying the GRTU to ban them after 9am.
You've become something of a celebrity since you signed up on Facebook. How do you handle all the fame? And how on earth do you manage to stay online when there's no power?
I’m still surrounded by hairy men in sweaty boilersuits as far as I can see. If this were Italy, female fans would at least have the decency to send me beach photos of themselves as a sign of gratitude for my services, but in Malta, women are more inclined to expose their nail art.
I’m not always online though. I need toilet breaks too, and that’s when Finagle’s law usually catches up with me and the inexplicable happens.
ABOUT THE FACEBOOK PAGE
The Facebook page Boiler Nru.7 started out last year after the four-hour long blackout on March 22, giving a human voice to the faulty boiler which was always blamed for the nation’s blackouts.
The blogger’s acerbic wit – and the still-frequent power cuts – have ensured the staying power of the page, which now numbers over 6,400 fans. It also serves as a satirical commentary on current affairs, but the “Boiler”’s excuses after each blackout are what makes it special.
The blogger, who wishes to remain anonymous, said he started the page when he was on sick leave.
"I was bored when I got the idea,” the creator of the page said.