Friday night I was at St. James Cavalier watching 'You've Got Hate Mail', a hilarious comedy of email errors by Mellow Drama. Half way through the show, and just about the same time that I was about to split my spleen with laughter, my mobile phone started to vibrate uncontrollably. At first I ignored it, but off it went again, and again and again.

"I hope you're watching Xarabank!" said the first message. "Do count to ten before driving to Where's Everybody", said the next. "I hope you'll finally give this guy a piece of your mind," and on and on they went.

You see, whilst I was watching a theatrical comedy about sexual debauchery and extra marital lust, Xarabank had Pastor Gordon Manche under the spotlight. For the sake of those who have been living under a rock and don't know the guy, here's a little background– Manche is a puny little man who, for quite some time now, has taunted me with his ridiculous claims about gay conversions.

According to Manche, God wants to, can, and, 'cures' homosexuals.

Until now, I've resisted writing about his absurd and dangerous stance for two reasons – first I didn't want to grant him more coverage and importance, but now that Xarabank have had him covered, that's out the window, and secondly, I doubt the man minds verbal lashings too much, in fact I doubt he minds any kind of lashing for that matter.

So here we are, it's the 21st Century, and despite years of science, common sense and general life proving that there's no such thing, and more importantly NO NEED, for a homosexual cure, this self proclaimed Pastor brings God into the picture to sickeningly claim the opposite.

With a shrill of irritable annoyance, he insisted that Jesus can convert handbags of rainbows into heterosexual, women-loving, child-bearing creatures. Of course, Manche's organisation is clever enough to call these conversions little miracles, because disproving a miracle is practically impossible, and not many would bother.

But tell me, how does a shrilling ballerina, with each and every hair gelled into place, with a face as smooth as a baby's bottom, and wearing a glittering striped black suit, a red tie and a matching four point pocket square fold, expect to be taken seriously about gay conversions?

Is Jesus' PR team that silly? Why would they have chosen a visual contradiction like Manche to relay such a message, when even a yellow duster would be more credible?

In addition to his appearance, Manche has a colossal flaw in his logic:

According to him, the homosexual act is a sin, as is any type of sex outside marriage.

Those who were on Xarabank claiming to have been converted, also claim to have found God, and are now on the straight and narrow.

But since neither of them is married (yet) it would be safe to assume that whilst they might have given up their favourite pudding, none of them have attempted to dip their croissant into the fondue!

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the proof of the pudding in the eating?

info@alisonbezzina.com