Pre-marital sex may lead to broken marriages

Your ‘Quotes of the Week’ (May 8) included this: “Call me old-fashioned but I’m against sex before marriage”.

Enough has been said about marriage and divorce but hardly enough about the causes of broken marriages. Premarital sex, in my opinion, is one of these causes.

The decline in traditional values: the increased acceptance of pre-marital sex, contraception, separation, cohabitation, the morning-after pill and abortion (though illegal) and rampant extramarital affairs are a reflection of the changing moral norms of our society. And pornography is now so easily available.

Although these are welcomed by many as a sign of emancipation, these ‘progressive’ changes are having a devastating impact on the integrity and stability of long-term relationships. They are all working together to tear marriages apart and put the family institution in crisis.

As one woman once said: “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free!” She said the biggest change in society was the pill. People no longer had to control themselves and wait till marriage. Young adults are less fearful as they have more access to information and men expect women to be on the pill and available for sex.

A human being is an intelligent, wonderful creature and not an object or an alternative to masturbation. If your boyfriend/girl friend leaves you because you won’t have sex until you are married, then that is not the type of person you want to be with as a future spouse.

Pre-marital sex may be accompanied with excitement, thrill, the pleasure of it, but there is no happiness. After you are done with it, you feel empty and seek the next experience, which thus becomes an addiction.

Pre-marital sex will only break your heart and cause pain and all too often people get too caught up to even realise it. Pre-marital relations hardly ever work.

Sex before marriage creates self-centred gratification – using a person to satisfy one’s selfish desires. If we do not learn to control our sex urges before marriage, there will be no reason to expect that they will be controlled after marriage.

Many end up marrying the wrong person because they are blinded by sexual activity, never learning what their partner is like before marriage. They marry wrongly because they marry with a ‘what’s in it for me!’ attitude, and when the relationship grows tired or weary, they bail out for another partner.

Chastity helps people make better marriage choices. Romance without regret does exist but if you want the real thing be prepared to sacrifice. Only then will you see the peace and joy that comes from chastity is worth more than all the pleasures of the world.

A relationship that is appropriate and God-centred has a much better chance of succeeding. Wait till you are married, whether you are deeply religious or a non-believer. Remember, sex is easy; relationships and true commitments are difficult.