When the bill comes, do you automatically go Dutch? Do you take it in turns? Or are you one of those people who always seem to have a problem locating their wallet? Deana Luchia enquires.

There are numerous men who’ve never, not once, been taken out to dinner by a woman. A good number of these men, of course, would rather emasculate themselves with a blunt butter knife than have a woman pick up the bill.

But it can be assumed that in 2011, there are some men out there who would love it if the woman they were dating would put her hand in her purse once in a while.

Even locating it and politely offering to pay would be an improvement on just sitting there staring off into the distance, or wandering off to the bathroom at the mention of the bill.

Ask around and you’ll find that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to the question of who pays a bill after a dinner for two. Cultural factors naturally play a part…While northern Europeans have long assumed that couples split the tab, or take it in turns to pay, the further south through Europe you travel, the more likely it is that it’s understood by both genders that the man always pays.

As one middle-aged man told me, “Maltese women absolutely take it for granted that the man will pay. Always. Always.” Before cash-strapped men head north, and impoverished women fly south, this cultural factor only seems to apply to older generations.

Maybe because younger couples have less money to spend on dining out, or maybe because they’ve twigged it’s the 21st century, women in their 20s are not aghast at the thought of picking up the bill on a date. As long as it’s not always…

And that seems to be the crux of the matter. Everyone likes to be taken out sometimes, but no one wants to be the one who pays each and every time.

Of course, there are always going to be some men who insist on paying every time, whatever their age or place of birth, and a similar number of women who are never going to say “dinner’s on me”.

Ideally, these people should only date each other. With that in mind, another factor to take into account when ruminating over bill-paying etiquette is personality – in other words know who you’re dating (not always easy when you’re just a few dates in).

There’s no point expecting to split the bill when you’re dating a woman who thinks feminism is a dirty word, or you’re eating dinner with a man who thinks women should save their ‘pocket money’ for make-up and handbags.

Similarly, some people feel awkward splitting the bill and would much rather take it in turns to pay. (If you do split the bill, it has to be 50-50; no one should ever expect to pay for their specific items. Nothing is worse than seeing someone going through the bill, jotting down who ate what.)

As a northern European, my friends and I always understood that we would either split the bill or take it in turns to pay when we dined out, and it was always so. For most of my women friends, being taken out for dinner once in a while is lovely, but it becomes patronising if we’re never given the chance to pay.

And male friends just feel taken advantage of when they’re expected to fork out time and again. Who doesn’t enjoy being the one to treat someone? This is something waiters should be more aware of: give the bill to the person who asked for it, man or woman.

There does seem to be some universally accepted understanding that a man pays when it’s a first date.

Check out all the dating etiquette websites and bar none, they all state this. And the reason seems to be that women find this charming and a sign of responsibility. (What’s more, the presence of both of these factors increases the chances of there actually being a second date.)

There also seems to be some consensus about who pays when dinner is to celebrate birthdays or job promotions, or to commiserate when someone’s lost a job.

If you’re being taken out to celebrate your birthday or to ‘forget’ your troubles, it’s your other half who pays. Sit back, enjoy it and plan to reciprocate when it’s their turn.

The best way to navigate bill time is to always assume you will pay, which means making sure you have enough money to cover both the bill and tip. No one wants to be caught out without sufficient, or any, funds. And no one wants to seem cheap when it comes to tipping.

And one more thing: if you’re the one who pays, be graceful about it. Just as no one likes bad winners, no one wants to have to heap praise on someone who’s paid the bill.

Don’t be showy, don’t fling cards or cash on the table. You’re paying a bill, not signing a declaration of independence. And a simple, ‘Thank you’, from your happy dinner date, whatever sex, suffices.