A non-vote in the divorce referendum

Austin Bencini, in his Talking Point (May 18) goes into great detail about the report by Joan Kelly and Robert Emery, which dealt with the “resilience” of children of divorced families.

Among others, he lists “reduced standard of living for custodial parents and children” and “risk for adjustment problems in children and adolescents”. Dr Bencini concludes from the report that without divorce, a number of children would not require clinical psychotherapy, and many if not most would not be carrying with them “painful memories and experiences”.

Now as a learned gentleman – albeit one who always hangs on to the tailcoats of Gonzi and the PN – will he not admit the same could be said of children from separated couples? After all, doesn’t separation create the same problems as divorce, with the exception that either or both of the couple separating cannot legally remarry and take their offspring into a new family environment? To do so, they have to cohabit, and Dr Bencini must know, if he is living in our world, that most separated people do end up cohabiting with new partners in order to reclaim the happiness they had lost.

Dr Bencini quotes: “Divorce creates the potential for children to experience a continuing series of changes and disruptions... when one or both parents introduce new social and sexual partnerships; cohabit or remarry.” So there we have it.

Cohabiting produces the same strains and adjustment problems as divorce, the only difference being cohabiting couples do not enjoy the same civil recognition as those who have been divorced and remarried.

Personally, I will not be voting in the referendum on Saturday because on one hand, I believe in the old adage that you make your bed and lie in it (but if I was abused mentally or physically, who knows!). On the other hand, I have known women and men who have been abused and even beaten over a number of years, and I do not believe I have the right to tell them to continue to suffer in silence, or to cohabit. Divorce does not encourage people in a stable marriage to break up but will allow those whose marriage has become a painful sham to find love, respect, peace and happiness with someone else.

I cringe when I see the no to divorce posters as they are nothing but scaremongering, with no credibility in their statements. If the no to divorce brigade is so concerned about the children, why are they protesting now on divorce? Why didn’t they raise their voices decades ago about the problems separations create, and urged the government – and, yes, the Church – to safeguard family life by preparing young people for a proper, loving and lasting relationship?