The biochemistry of falling in love

Through the centuries, many writers and poets have eulogised about the powerful force of romantic love. Recent functional MRI scanning of the brains of people in romantic love reveals a spike of the dopamine neuro-transmitter. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, describes romantic love as a biochemically intense energy and a craving to be with a partner as a prelude to procreation.

Conversely, the break-up of a relationship or marriage causes a low-dopamine and serotonin-induced depression and grief. Also, the stress of the break-up stimulates the limbic nervous system of the brain to prepare the body for a “fright-flight reaction” by provoking the adrenal glands to secrete extra adrenaline. Adrenaline stimulates the body for flight from danger. If flight does not occur, then the unused adrenaline triggers panic attacks, palpitations, apprehension and headaches.

Associated anger and bitterness are due to stimulation of part of the limbic system known as the amygdala. More adrenal cortisol is secreted, producing more glucose for energetic flight but in the latter’s absence the glucose is converted to fat causing weight increase. Eventually, the adrenal glands are drained of cortisol, aggravating any existing depression.

Any break-up is the start of one of life’s most challenging and stressful journeys and must be addressed in order to remain healthy. The help of the family doctor is important, at this time, to monitor one’s health and treat any conditions that arise. Such medical support can help one avoid unremitting stress symptoms, which otherwise might lead to cardiovascular disease.

The most common symptom is depression. Too much alcohol adds to the depression and so also too much sugar by inducing an insulin-low blood sugar reaction. Missing meals lowers blood sugar with a similar reaction. The adrenal exhaustion is addressed by eating three meals per day of organic fresh food, thus avoiding the poor nutritional content of fast and processed food. Eating more protein, such as organic chicken, meat, fish, free range eggs, with less carbohydrate leads to better health and weight control. If the depression persists or worsens, a serotonin enhancing antidepressant is available.

The presence of grief is emotionally similar to the experience of a death in the family. Grief is a difficult but natural process that allows the next stage of healing to begin. Obsessive negative thoughts about the past and undue fear of the future should be replaced by positive thoughts and actions.

One feature of stress is “information overload” where it can become difficult to see a way forward through the problems, so avoidance of hasty decisions is important. Too much caffeine and nicotine stimulate further adrenaline release adding to the stress symptoms. In order to treat the apprehension, panic attacks, palpitations and headaches, the limbic system needs to be desensitised (reducing adrenaline release) by ensuring good eating, adequate sleep and regular exercise, such as a daily 30-minute walk.

Socialising with friends is both de-stressing and empowering. The effects of a “bad” day may be reduced by having a prolonged soak in a hot bath or a massage. These techniques help to mitigate confusion, permitting more focused thoughts on the way forward.

Anger and bitterness respond to hitting a punch bag, a gym workout, giving a loud scream or indulging in a “good cry”. If these symptoms persist or worsen, an anti-adrenaline drug can be prescribed. Physical violence should always be reported to one’s doctor whose expertise may prevent further injury, or even death, occurring.

The children, it must be remembered, can feel bewildered and frightened by seeing their parents in this situation and need to be reassured that they will always be loved by both parents.

It is often the case that, with the occasional assistance by the doctor, a feeling gradually arises that the end of this arduous journey is in sight because there is now a coping strategy in place, which is making life more tolerable, with less risk of future symptom recurrence.

Transitions, even difficult ones, remind us that the future beckons – and that there is always hope.

Dr Corney is a medical practitioner and researcher.