I received this letter from someone I do not know. It is being reproduced here with her permission and without comment, because honestly, I am speechless.

Dear Alison,

I thought I'd share my story with you because I feel that you could learn a thing or two. I know that you are adamantly in favour of divorce legislation, and in the hope that you will not stop reading at this point, I tell you that I am against it.

I am not against it because I am in a happy marriage and do not know what it's like to be scared and stuck in an unhappy relationship, on the contrary, I am presently in that situation and have been for the past few years.

I got married at a relatively decent age of 26. I had been with my then boyfriend, who is now my dear husband for over 5 years. He was slightly older than me and had always been the perfect gentleman.

From the start of our relationship my boyfriend was extremely attentive. He'd remember little details of our conversation, he'd remember details of my attire, and he'd even notice minor changes in my looks. He was a dream come true, and I knew that most men were not like him.

My husband was never religious, but he's a good person 'di natura'. He's not good because he fears hell, or divine retribution, he's good because he just is. His motto is 'what goes around comes around' so he lives in a Karma sort of way.

My parents fell in love with him the moment they met him, and I almost fell out with my little sister because she too developed a crush on him. He's good looking in a rugged sort of way, loves children and animals, and is always there when you need him. He just ticks all the boxes.

As life would have it, marriage took its toll on us and things started to change over the years. I now know that these were normal changes, changes that everyone goes through and not major setbacks. For instance, he'd sometimes not pay me enough compliments, or he'd fall asleep on date night. Sometimes he'd stay late at work, and would not notice my new hairstyle when he came home. Once he raised his voice because I had maxed out our credit card on a new handbag.

When I got pregnant I thought he'd go back to his normal attentive self, but things continued to deteriorate. He started working more hours, to make sure that we could adequately provide for the baby, and when he had the opportunity to work overseas for a month he took it because of the money.

Two years after our son's birth I went back to work. By this time, some things had changed at my place of work. I found that I had a new colleague who reminded me of how my husband used to be before we got married and had a child. He was good looking, attentive, and nothing seemed to stress him out. In his eyes I could do no wrong, and he made me feel like a million dollars just by smiling in my direction. My husband had lost this magic, through no fault of his own but simply through familiarity. He had lost that mystique and mystery and in my eyes his smile was not worth anything compared to this new guy.

We started spending a lot of time together during working hours, until one day, during an office do, he told me that if I wasn't married he'd ask me out on a date. He explained that he could never go out with a married woman, because that would mean that he could never ever get married himself. With tears in his eyes he explained that with divorce not being an option, if he fell in love with me, he'd have to settle for cohabitation, which is not something that he wanted to do.

Despite his objections however, it didn't take me long to make him fall for the carnal temptation. Men are weak in that way. Of course we had to be discreet so I told my husband that I had to go on a training trip, and booked a weekend at a local hotel. It was an amazing weekend, during which we only left the bed to bathe.

Forty eight hours later I had to face the grim reality of going back home.

My husband had prepared a welcome home candlelit dinner. He had already put our son to sleep and was very warm and pleasant. He kind of grilled me about the training course that I had attended, and complimented my glow. Of course the evening did not have the happy ending that he was hoping for because I was more than satiated in that department.

This went on for months and months. My colleague and I would see each other at work, we'd sneak into the bathroom, go out to 'meetings' in the same car, and organised the occasional 'business trip'. As much as I tried to keep things under wraps, my husband started to smell a rat. He questioned me, albeit sweetly and patiently. He wanted to know why I was not interested in him, and why I had stopped talking to him, why I was not interested in discussing life, and our plans for the future.

Then one day he tried to book a holiday for us together with our son, and I flipped. I couldn't imagine being on holiday with him in that state of mind, so I told him everything.

I sat him down and told him that I was having an affair because I knew my husband well enough to know that he would not go anywhere, if not for anything else for our son. I knew he'd stay, and I took that for granted in a way.

Needless to say, he was distraught. He cried in my arms, and sobbed all night. I couldn't blame him but to be honest, his whining and whinging irritated the hell out of me. I wanted him to stop and get on with it. Deep down I wanted him to leave me. I wanted him to be the one to get up, pack his things and leave me alone. I thought that if he left I could freely pursue my relationship with my colleague and live happily ever after.

But my husband, being the man he is, did no such thing. He woke up the next morning and told me that he forgives me, and I wasn't even surprised. He asked me to stop seeing my colleague, and to work on our marriage but I could not promise him that because I was not ready to leave my job, which was the only way such a promise could be upheld.

But he was patient. He stayed with me. He acted normally and kept up his attentiveness and loving ways even though he knew that I was still sleeping with my other man.

One day, during one of my escapades with my colleague, his mobile phone rang. We were in his car at the time so when he picked up the phone I was close enough to hear that the other person on the line was a woman. When he hung up he told me that it was his father, who had called because his car had broken down and needed a ride. At that point I didn't question him at all, we drove back to the office in silence that was it. But the thought that he had lied to me nagged me to death.

At one point I confronted him, and that was when I saw this man transform himself into a monster. Unlike my husband, this man turned vicious. He accused me of snooping, of not knowing how to love or trust, and told me that I wasn't worthy of his love. In essence he broke up with me there and then and left me in the lurch.

I was beside myself, so totally upset and distressed and wanted nothing else but to go home and share my sadness with none other but my husband. As weird as I know that this might sound I knew that he'd be there to listen.

I told him what had happened and he was sympathetic. I expected him to be somewhat happy about the situation but if he was, he did not let on. We cried together, and that night, I slept snuggled up in his arms.

The next day I quit my job and started working in my husband's firm. We now have another child on the way and I'm hoping that things will get better. My husband knows that my feelings for him are not what they used to be, and we talk about this openly. He even encouraged me to write this in order to get my feelings out in the open, which he believes will help me through it.

I know that my husband is a rare sort, but had there been divorce legislation, I would have left him, got a separation, eventually a divorce, and probably married my colleague. Considering that he turned out to be a monster, this would have been a huge mistake which would have ruined four lives. Thankfully, we didn't have that option, so I stuck it out with my husband, and though I can't say that I'm over the moon with passion, we're in a better place than we would have been had divorce been available.

And this is why I'm against divorce legislation.

info@alisonbezzina.com

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