The International Day of the Family, which will be celebrated tomorrow, this year comes amid a national debate about the relations between couples in the context of the upcoming referendum on divorce.
The best interest of children is often raised as the issue of whether divorce is good or bad for the family is discussed. Sometimes the context is the suffering children from broken families go through and the difference there may or may not be if the parents end up in a legal separation as opposed to divorce. Other times the focus is on children born out of wedlock, including those of cohabiting couples who could not remarry in the absence of divorce legislation.
Children’s Commissioner Helen D’Amato has stressed the point that offspring in broken marriages suffer irrespective of whether the cause was annulment, separation or divorce. Joe Gerada, former CEO of the Foundation of Social Welfare Services, said that, in truth, children are suffering today and it is unfair to give them the impression that a yes or a no vote on divorce will solve their problems.
Their statements ought to be heeded. Indeed, a fundamental and primary concern should be the proper recognition of the right of the child for the full and harmonious development of his/her personality and that, therefore, as enunciated in the Convention on the Rights of the Child, s/he should ideally grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, unity, love and understanding.
If children are to be instructed and educated as they deserve, they need extremely precise and concrete reference points. In other words, especially in the crucial years in which one’s personality and character are formed, children need reliable parents determined to, together, provide their children with an upbringing that includes and involves both of them. Otherwise, children will be the first victims of their parents’ decisions.
Broken families usually experience conflict and chaos, a most damaging environment for children. For the child, the parents’ break-up will most probably be the most important and painful event in the years of his/her growth, the event that affects him/her most deeply. Studies show that the consequences on the child could be manifold, profound and permanent. Some of the effects may only surface in the long term.
There could be instances where the competent authorities would have to determine, in accordance with applicable law and procedures, that a child is separated from the parents in the best interests of the child him/herself. Such course of action may be necessary in particular cases like abuse or neglect of the child by the parents. However, even in such circumstances, the Convention on the Rights of the Child expects governments to respect the right of the child separated from one or both parents to maintain regular personal relations and direct contact with his/her mother and father.
Considering the importance of the relationship both parents have with their children, a wise and caring community can hardly accept certain statements that are occasionally made, including that a clear-cut divide is not such a bad thing for children because they would suffer less than being exposed to a combative atmosphere between their parents.
The truth remains that when relations between parents turn sour and the two become irreconcilable, this causes considerable damage to children and could mark them for the rest of their life. Therefore, an intelligent society can never stop striving, with all its might, to give all the necessary protection to children.