Parents and the best interest of children
The International Day of the Family, which will be celebrated tomorrow, this year comes amid a national debate about the relations between couples in the context of the upcoming referendum on divorce.
The best interest of children is often raised as the issue of whether divorce is good or bad for the family is discussed. Sometimes the context is the suffering children from broken families go through and the difference there may or may not be if the parents end up in a legal separation as opposed to divorce. Other times the focus is on children born out of wedlock, including those of cohabiting couples who could not remarry in the absence of divorce legislation.
Children’s Commissioner Helen D’Amato has stressed the point that offspring in broken marriages suffer irrespective of whether the cause was annulment, separation or divorce. Joe Gerada, former CEO of the Foundation of Social Welfare Services, said that, in truth, children are suffering today and it is unfair to give them the impression that a yes or a no vote on divorce will solve their problems.
Their statements ought to be heeded. Indeed, a fundamental and primary concern should be the proper recognition of the right of the child for the full and harmonious development of his/her personality and that, therefore, as enunciated in the Convention on the Rights of the Child, s/he should ideally grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, unity, love and understanding.
If children are to be instructed and educated as they deserve, they need extremely precise and concrete reference points. In other words, especially in the crucial years in which one’s personality and character are formed, children need reliable parents determined to, together, provide their children with an upbringing that includes and involves both of them. Otherwise, children will be the first victims of their parents’ decisions.
Broken families usually experience conflict and chaos, a most damaging environment for children. For the child, the parents’ break-up will most probably be the most important and painful event in the years of his/her growth, the event that affects him/her most deeply. Studies show that the consequences on the child could be manifold, profound and permanent. Some of the effects may only surface in the long term.
There could be instances where the competent authorities would have to determine, in accordance with applicable law and procedures, that a child is separated from the parents in the best interests of the child him/herself. Such course of action may be necessary in particular cases like abuse or neglect of the child by the parents. However, even in such circumstances, the Convention on the Rights of the Child expects governments to respect the right of the child separated from one or both parents to maintain regular personal relations and direct contact with his/her mother and father.
Considering the importance of the relationship both parents have with their children, a wise and caring community can hardly accept certain statements that are occasionally made, including that a clear-cut divide is not such a bad thing for children because they would suffer less than being exposed to a combative atmosphere between their parents.
The truth remains that when relations between parents turn sour and the two become irreconcilable, this causes considerable damage to children and could mark them for the rest of their life. Therefore, an intelligent society can never stop striving, with all its might, to give all the necessary protection to children.
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Mr C Mallia
May 15th 2011, 08:26
A sensible editorial. One curiosity though. Whether it is separation, co-habitation, annulment or divorce, the children are still unfortunately the victims.
The editorial is about divorce, so why make such distinction when already legislation exsists for separation and annulment? The editorial would be more discerning if some mention about the effects to children is made on separation and annulment .
Mr Joseph Grima
May 14th 2011, 17:38
You make it seem as if doomsday has come for kids when their parnets separate or divorce when the truth is that children quickly adapt and accept their parnets' situation . Today, a family is not the much touted Maltese fairy-tale version of spouses plus their kids.
Mr Kurt Waschnig
May 14th 2011, 13:58
Congratulations to the editorial team of The Times of Malta on this brilliant and excellent written editorial. I agree generally.
The International Day of the Family deserves much more importance and apprehensions all over the world. It will be celebrated tomorrow.
And soon there will be a referendum on divorce in Malta. I have been following the debates on divorce in Malta for a long time and it has made me pensive to realize how emotional and passionate readers of The Times of Malta debate and discuss divorce even mixed with hatred.
One of the greatest gift people enjoy in democracies is freedom of speech. But a debate on divorce needs rational arguments and scientific facts.
This editorial can be taken as an example for a debate without ideology and it shows the quality of The Times of Malta.
Children are the weakest in every society and every democratic society is obliged to do everything for the full and harmonious development of children.
One can read in the Convention of the Rights of the Child that children should ideally grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, unity, love and understanding.
If that happened it would be the ideal upbringing of children. It would give them trust, self esteem and success and a menaing of life and even realize the needs of others.
But the living conditions of children even in Europe are often detrimental to children. Million of children live in poverty , their parents are unemployed and live on unemployment benefits or social welfare, are addicted to alcohol, drugs, tablets. Parents suffer from depressions or other psychological disorders.
That is the reality of million of children as mentioned above in many European countries including Malta.
More and more children are born out of wedlock even in Malta. And there are lots of broken families in Malta. Children experience conflict and chaos within these families and a very damaging environment.
This editorial says "The truth remains that when relations between parents turn sour and the two become irreconcilable, this causes considerable damage to children and could mark them for the rest of their life."
Often broken marriages cannot be saved and the only way is divorce. I stated in several comments in The Times of Malta that Maltese should get the legal right to decide to get divorced or not.
Malta belongs to the European Union and is a stable and working democracy and The Maltese will hold a referendum on divorce and vote.
The result of the referendum must be accepted by the minority and if The Maltese vote with "YES" a bill must be figured out and passed in parliament and should be implemented as soon as possible.
This is the way a democracy works.
Children deserve our love and attention and we need for children more assistance.
We need centres for children to treat them psychologically if they suffer from traumas or psychological disorders caused within broken families.
Children are the weakest and human beings who cannot bear the difficulties in a broken marriage need our respect and they should have the legal rights to meet their own decision how to live.
Best regards
Kurt Waschnig Oldenburg Germany
Gerry Cowie
May 14th 2011, 10:58
What an excellent editorial! If only some correspondents and commenters would take a leaf out of the editor's book they would be able to present their case in a much more balanced fashion!
Mr Kurt Waschnig
May 14th 2011, 14:47
Dear Gerry,
i agree totally with you, regards Kurt