Planning for inconvenience

Sometimes, I imagine this sort of conversation at Transport Malta offices.

A: “Good Morning fellows. It has taken me, say, 20 minutes to arrive at the office today. We have to do something so that the 20 minutes will be 30 and, if some bright thinker comes with a 40-minute option that will be much, much better. Suggestions please.”

B: “To put everything in perspective, we now have works going on at the new bus terminus: since we are also working just up the road near the Phoenicia as well, it has been a perfect confusion idea. Especially near the war monument roundabout. Brilliant. If we manage to put some more strain on this area, I think we can manage.”

A: “Let’s see. Some fools are using the ring road around the port, i.e. from the power station, past the ex-Sea Malta offices and on to the Waterfront. In fact, quite a few are making it early. I venture to say that it is quite a turbulent ride, but when I used this road I made it in 10 minutes to work. Also this gives them, i.e. all the people from the south of the island, an alternative to the main December 13 Road. My idea is to close this road as well so that we will leave only one road from the south into Valletta and also to the Waterfront. Just imagine when some ship will be docking: all the coaches, karozzini, taxis and what not vying for space; I am sure that the result would be great: should I say that we would be near our target of a 40-minute option?”

B: “Exceptional thinking and planning! You really deserve a medal for this. By any chance have you ever been contacted by Prof. Edward Debono, that man of lateral thinking?”

A: “Come on, it’s time to work now.”

B: “So that road is now closed. Are we going to make them work 24/7 so that, being a major road, work will progress rapidly and inconvenience will be lessened?”

A: “What? 24/7? Are you siding with Transport Malta or with the motorist?”

B: “Ehm, sorry, I thought that if we worked round the clock, work would be finished earlier...”

A: “And we will have to think of other ways to create more inconvenience. We will have to think other ways to employ our staff. We will have to think of other ways... Oh come off it!”

B: “We will now issue the usual press release with the usual sorry for the inconvenience and we are working for your improvement.”

A: “Contact also the Medical Department to inform them to expect some more people, better put it as, many more people, who will report a higher stress level before arriving at work. Now I am going for a break since this planning has taken its toll. But, after all, I am very, very satisfied with the end result. Any questions by any so-called reporters are to have the reply that I am at a meeting and will be answered later (maybe).”