Marriage breakdown and divorce (4)

I recently met an 18-year-girl who was wholeheartedly in favour of divorce. Her reason was simple: “I do not even have a steady boyfriend right now but one never knows what happens when I eventually marry the man of my life”.

She already thinks that she may have problems in married life. We are being told these days that people like this young lady are being realistic. So, where is the commitment that people like this are obliged to put in their married life?

She is already thinking of an emergency exit out of her marriage – that already ruins her life-long vow with the husband of her choice. Her marriage vows are amended to mean that she is taking her spouse for better times, till everything is rosy, till both are healthy, till problems arise.

Of course, I advised her not to enter into a marriage with that attitude. It would be dangerous to start a marriage on such a false premise.

We all know that all marriages encounter problems but not everyone handles them properly. When there is a fire, one should look for a fire extinguisher to put it out while it is still small and controllable. One should not run away; otherwise one would lose everything.

It’s the same with marriage. One should face one’s problems, try to solve them, looking for expert help if need be, not postpone them to next week; one should not create even more problems.

Many problems in marriages are created by one or both spouses – so we have to go back to the origin, to the wedding day, when the promise of loyalty and love was made till death separates them. Was that promise honoured by both spouses?

Then there is forgiveness, which, I know, is easier said than done. But it is possible. With a lot of pain, and a process of deep understanding by both spouses, the wedding day vows can be revived to save the marriage.

I know couples who have gone through this experience in the past months and their deep satisfaction is difficult to describe. Their children are obviously the happiest in Malta right now because they can appreciate much more what they were going to lose.

We should not think what might happen to our marriage in future. Our marriage will be what we invest in it. If we both give 100 per cent, its value will only go up, and that is guaranteed. Our commitment is the guarantee for the future of our marriage.