And now for the Royal Wedding quiz

Since both my loyal fans keep telling me how much they love quizzes, I thought I’d cobble one together with a Royal Wedding theme.

For those of you not exactly enamoured with British royalty I’ll explain. The Queen of England’s grandson Prince William will marry a certain Kate Middleton in London next Friday. So I’m setting you a quiz to discover how much royal trivia you have absorbed in the run-up to the nuptials.

The prize for the lucky winner will be a pizza for two (yes, one between two) at the appropriately named Royalty Pizza House and Massage Parlour, San Ġwann. So here goes.

What are the names of Prince William’s parents?

A: Prince Charles and Princess Diana;

B: Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles;

C: Prince Charles and James Hewitt.

What did Kate Middleton’s father say when he was told that his daughter was to marry the future king of England?

A: Oh goody, that means lots of invites to stay at Buck House and Balmorral;

B: Over my dead body;

C: Who’s paying?

3: What did Kate Middleton’s mother say when told that her daughter was to marry the future king of England?

A: Are you sure you want to get so involved with such a dysfunctional family dear?

B: Does that mean Daddy and I will become royals too?

C: Oh my God! When’s it due?

4: What does Kate Middleton’s father do for a living?

A: Nothing. He has ‘old money’ and lives on it;

B: He’s a banker (At least I think that’s what they said);

C: He runs a mail-order party planning business.

5: Who is designing Kate’s wedding dress?

A: Sophie Cranston;

B: Marks and Spencer’s;

C: Charles and Ron.

6: Where will the marriage ceremony take place?

A: Westminster Abbey;

B: The Kilburn mosque;

C: The registry office in the Mile End Road.

7: Who will conduct the wedding?

A: The Archbishop of Canterbury;

B: The Grand Imam of Kilburn;

C: The West London registrar.

8: How much will the royal wedding cost?

A: £5 billion;

B: £100 million;

C: Just £10,000, because they get the wedding hall at Buck House for free.

9: Where do the royal couple have their wedding list?

A: Harrods of Knightsbridge;

B: The Royal Mint;

C: The local Oxfam Charity shop.

10: Who will be Prince William’s best man?

A: Prince Harry;

B: Tom Parker Bowles;

C: Elton John.

11: Who will be Kate Middleton’s maid of honour?

A: Her sister Pippa;

B: Sarah Ferguson;

C: Elton John.

12: Where will the reception be held afterwards?

A: The wedding hall at Buck House;

B: Stringfellow’s club;

C: The back room of the Stevedore’s Arms, Wapping.

13: At the reception, what will the happy couple be toasted in?

A: Vintage champagne;

B: Tea;

C: Brown ale.

14: Apart from the Queen of England, who will be the chief guest at the wedding?

A: The Dalai Lama;

B: David Beckham;

C: Muammar Gaddafi.

15: Which of these A-list celebs have not been invited to the wedding?

A: Wayne Rooney;

B: Pete Doherty;

C: Lou Bondi.

16: What wedding favours will the couple be giving their guests?

A: Fabergé eggs;

B: Frames made out of paper, dry macaroni and glitter;

C: A hot tip for the 3.30 at Sandown Park races.

17: Who will be shooting the wedding video?

A: The BBC;

B: Steven Spielberg;

C: Mario Testino.

18: Where will Kate and Wills spend their first night of wedded bliss?

A: The spare bedroom at Buck House;

B: A Travel Lodge on the Watford bypass;

C: The recovery room of the Charing Cross Hospital alcohol rehabilitation unit.

19: Where will the happy couple spend their honeymoon?

A: The Scilly Isles;

B: The Mogadishu Hilton;

C: The Buġibba Holiday Complex.

20: What will Kate Middleton be known as once she’s married to Prince William?

A: Princess Kate;

B: The Duchess of Anglesey;

C: Mrs Wales.

Answers on a postcard. Closing date for entries was yesterday.