Forget divorce: bend on one knee

Sadly, it seems we can’t get enough of talking about divorce. The way we go on about it, you would think the outcome of the referendum will determine the end of the world.

Still, even though we seem to relish the multitude of doom-and-gloom statistics and prophecies bandied our way, I still believe most people thinking of getting married truly believe it is for life.

As this weekend marks the start of the wedding season, I would still like to believe that couples on the verge of being hitched take a moment to imagine themselves old and grey sitting side-by-side in a ‘his ’n’ hers’ rocking chair.

I’d like to think romance is not dead, for that would be a drab setback to our society. Therefore, today, rather than churn more blabber about the end of a marriage, I am going to go to the very beginning. For the sake of keeping the nation’s karma in balance, I shall be making a plea to promote the grand gesture of marriage proposals.

Marriage proposals are sadly a dying art. Most people will tell you their decision to get married was made during a casual conversation in the kitchen. Surely the moment itself deserves something more romantic than that?

Why do away with the elegant fun of having a man plot and plan when and how to ask for his lady’s hand in marriage? (Or vice-versa – although statistics show it’s still the men who mostly do the knee-bending).

There’s a whole ritual about it that is very reassuring: the asking for parents’ blessing (the future father-in-law of a friend of mine told him: “I’m very happy for you to ask, but I’m not sure that she’ll say yes”); the bending on one knee (another friend got pins and needles and had to be helped up by his bride-to-be); and the ring (lack of planning meant a ‘spontaneous’ friend had to twirl a hairpin in the shape of a ring).

The problem with romanticism lately is that it has become commercial. We no longer take the time to tailor-make it for our loved one; instead we go mainstream and pick ready-made ‘romantic packages’.

If I read again about a proposal in Venice, on a gondola, I think I’ll gag. In fact, a girlfriend of mine refuses to go to Venice with her boyfriend because she fears the pressure on him will be too much and he’d pop the question.

“It’s not that I don’t want him to, it’s just that it would be so cliché,” she says. We groan and call her a snob but actually she has a point: is there a woman who, upon hearing that her boyfriend has booked a table for two on Valentine’s night, does not get nightmares of a ring in the glass of champagne?

The key to a successful proposal does not lie in a grand gesture but in a thoughtful one. We don’t really want to be showered with diamonds: proposing on a bench at San Anton Gardens with a duck carrying a plastic ring box is less grand but more treasured.

It doesn’t take much to come up with an original romantic setting. A friend proposed on the purser’s tannoy on an Air Malta flight; another one hid the ring in a chest of drawers at Palazzo Falzon in Mdina and got the security guard to film the whole moment; another one opened up a ‘will you marry me’ banner during a U2 concert.

Some proposals even make it to our national press: a couple of Christmases ago, we had the famous ‘panto proposal’ when a guy dressed up in full ‘Sinbad’ panto attire – a shiny dark green toga and a white wig – produced a diamond ring and offered it to his girlfriend in the audience.

It makes you cheery even just listening to these proposal plots. Which is why I believe that in this day and age, carefully orchestrated proposals should be encouraged.

Mainly because the planning and anticipation makes one think at length and ponder about the huge commitment he or she is going to make. Anyone who can’t scrape enough enthusiasm to propose creatively won’t have the zeal required for marriage.

That would ensure that no future groom would follow in Hugh Grant’s character in Four Weddings and a Funeral, who says Englishmen only propose to get out of an embarrassing pause in the conversation.

Perhaps we should all take a breather from discussing divorce, and dwell on how to sweep our future spouse off his or her feet, for now and forever.

Put simply, here is finally the solution to long-lasting marriages: we need to revive the knee-bending tradition.

krischetcuti@gmail.com