Having spent over two years in Latvia has convinced me that Malta is indeed lucky to have such faith in the institution of marriage, and that the introduction of divorce would serve, among many things, to weaken marriages. Divorce, rather than presenting a solution to a dysfunctional marriage, poses an obstacle to any marriage, right from the start. Divorce instils a mentality of “why not” into the minds of young people.
At present, in Malta, a couple thinks long and hard before taking the decision to get married, and they do this because they know that marriage is a one-way street. Once you take the decision to marry somebody, you are married for life. With the introduction of divorce, marriage no longer remains “until death do us part” but “until such time as one of us thinks otherwise”.
Many people are prone to infatuation, that wonderful period when everything is lovely and rosy, but this period does not last into eternity. Eventually most couples have to wake up and face the realities of life, and understand the responsibilities and dedication involved in being a part of a couple. Thankfully in Malta most people do seem to consider all the possibilities before taking the big step. This is in part because they know that there is no possibility of going back once the commitment is undertaken. In Malta, marriage really is “till death do us part”. In Latvia, where approximately 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce, the mentality and approach to marriage is fundamentally different.
Last year I was talking to a colleague who mentioned that the following week he was getting married. I congratulated him and asked him how the preparations were going. He was 22 years old. I expressed my wonder that at 22 he felt ready to make such a commitment and he shrugged and said it was no big deal... if it didn’t work out, he could always get a divorce.
Three weeks ago I spoke to another colleague who is divorced. She congratulated me on my engagement and expressed wonder at the fact that in Malta there is no divorce. I went on to explain why I agreed with this and she agreed with me, acknowledging that divorce changed the Latvian’s mentality about marriage.
She even went so far as to tell me that although prior to her wedding she had serious doubts about her marriage, she went ahead with the wedding because she knew that divorce was available if she wasn’t completely satisfied.
She told me that, had divorce not been possible she would have probably called off the marriage, saving herself, and her husband, the expense and trauma of getting a divorce!
The previous experiences I shared are in no way an exception, they are indeed the norm! With hindsight, most people whose marriages have broken down admit that they took a wrong decision in life because they had the wrong approach to marriage. Getting into a marriage which is permanent is one thing, getting into a marriage which can be terminated at will and unilaterally is entirely different. In Latvia, children here are raised with the mentality that divorce is normal, the idea of a united family is unfortunately only present in the older generations who keep their values to heart. I fear that, if divorce is eventually introduced in Malta, we shall have a similar situation for future generations.
I understand that there are people whose marriages have broken down and are stuck in a marriage they want no part of. However, I believe the solution lies not in the introduction of divorce but rather in strengthening the institution of marriage to avoid, as much as possible, these situations in the future. Of course there will always be valid, exceptional reasons for the termination of a marriage but why should the very idea of marriage suffer? What ever happened to “till death do us part”?
As of February 2011, a divorce in Latvia can be obtained the day after the wedding, at a notary, for a low fee. When it was first introduced in Latvia, divorce was less liberal than it is today. Some people even called it “responsible” divorce. What is preventing this from eventually happening in Malta? Why turn a beautiful concept such as marriage into a contract which can be unilaterally terminated at will?