Divorce procedures give children a voice – expert
Divorce procedures may turn out to be beneficial for children because they give them a voice during the separation process, according to the president of an organisation specialising in play therapy.
If divorce were introduced in Malta, however, the government would need to ensure measures were in place to protect children from confrontational hearings in court, said Monica Jephcott, who heads the non-profit organisation Play Therapy International.
Ms Jephcott, here to launch a course in play therapy, pointed to the detrimental effect of certain divorce procedures that used to exist in the UK, when children were made to speak in court in front of both parents.
She said divorce could be a “win situation for everyone, although not necessarily the most comfortable situation for the people involved”. This was why it was important for measures to be in place to protect children.
The CEO of Play Therapy Malta, Jacqueline Abela DeGiovanni, spoke of the reality of marital breakdown in Malta and said many parents sought help because the children were stuck in the middle.
“We have to work with the parents and the child together so we will be more effective,” she said, pointing out that, although the therapy was by no means a magic wand, it helped the child become more resilient. On their part, parents were guided to change the environment for the child.
Ms Jephcott explained that play therapy was a method by which children could help themselves to alleviate emotional, mental and social difficulties. For example, children going through a difficult marital break-up sometimes chose to play with soldiers and they all got killed in battle. However, when the situation was resolved, the children symbolised this by allowing the soldiers of one side to cross the bridge and have tea with the other soldiers.
The role of the therapist, she said, was to provide a safe environment and media, with the child making the choice of what to play with. The therapist then interprets the child’s actions and helps him/her overcome problems through play. The therapy is based on the inherent belief that children can heal themselves within their own space and time.
Some 14 people from a background of psychology, education and social work yesterday attended the start of the course, which will lead to a certificate. However, it is not until they complete 100 hours of practice, another diploma course and an additional 100 hours of practice that they will be eligible for a licence to practise the profession.
At least 75 per cent of children referred to play therapy were found to improve through the process, Ms Jephcott said.
Going by global trends, which show that 20 per cent of children suffer from some form of psychological problem, the organisation estimates about 196 play therapists are needed to meet the island’s needs.
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MARGARET RICHARDS
Feb 6th 2011, 17:23
Kids are more hurt seeing their parents shout at each other with the added possibility of domestic violence then if the parents divorce.In the end kids will adjust because they won't be facing continuous domestic turmoil.Dear PN, PL, Curia and all holier than though NGO's do not exploit the kids to enhance your power politics game, do not exploit the kids to score a point of power politics.Whoever passed or is passing thru' hell,will right now see you as real white hypocrites.When PL & PN stop being the Curia's servants and gramophone, perhaps this freaking island will move forward. Kids are resilient but they SHOULD NOT be exploited so that you politicians will continue play your dirty games.Kids are resilient and they will adjust and they do not need you politicians or the whited sepulchers at the curia, to speak for them-actually not speak for them - but exploit them! We all know that PN, PL & the Curia are all fighting for the same cause - POWER!!!
Monika Jephcott
Feb 12th 2011, 10:00
Of course children are resilient once the divorce has happened and they have the right support
In playtherapy we suggest giving the children support during the proceedings and while all the shouting etc is going on to work out in a safe space helpr by the playtherapist, how best to cope. Also we are talikng about the 20% of children in any given population as research of need in European countries has shown, of children that do not have support from other parties like othere carers to help them heal in a situation that is out of their control and achieve the resilience you are talking about
Best wishes
Monika Jephcott
President of PTI please look on www.playtherapy.org
david scerri
Feb 5th 2011, 17:42
please do not get me mistaken, divorce is needed in malta believe me!! but please i beg you to make sure you so called experts know what your doing with regards a childs state of mind . i think that only a loving parent knows whats best for their child , thats why i would and will not take my son into the courts because no one else will ever tell me what to do with regards his welfare .I have looked after my son very well on my own now for 6 years without the help or support from the other parent or family, .DIVORCE is needed in malta for the sake of the kids and the one and only life we are given i was not prepared to live mine unloved and miserable just because a (man) priest thinks i should, god has blessed me more now than ever before,(thats for all you people who think god and the church have a say in what we humans decide is best for ourselves) god bless you all
david scerri
Feb 5th 2011, 17:19
what can i say ,lots regarding this matter, the children in my view are just that children..... the parents of the children should be aware that the children will always have their own feelings on the matter if they are at an age to understand, my son was 5 years old when my marriage failed to work any more and i moved back to the uk, after a short while i spoke to my child on a level that a 5 year old would understand, a simple chat is all that was needed (to start with) , my child is now 12 ,over the years after many broken promises from the other parent my son does not want to speak or communicate with them, ,i do not think a child should be dragged through the courts on matters that reflect their parents feelings . as seen as i am still not divorced from my ex due to the incompertance of the maltese courts , adults make the choices for the children not the other way round. i am so glad that i never chose to involve my son in the courts.i will keep waiting!!!
Monika Jephcott
Feb 12th 2011, 11:47
I quite agree and the way you have dealt with your situation appears to be very approrpiate. I was talking about children that have to go through the court system and that are not as fortunate as yours are in their parental understanding and support.Best wishes
Monika Jephcott
President of PTI please look on www.playtherapy.org
charles caruana
Feb 5th 2011, 16:21
So is this expert in play therapy also an expert in divorce issues? Is ths why her single oracular statement is being given front page coverage? Perhaps she could also enlighten us on the devastation in the institutions of marriage and the family in the broken society of Britain at present. That would really have made front page news.
Monika Jephcott
Feb 12th 2011, 11:50
I am an expert in emotional supprot for children through playtherapy, that are unfortunate enough to have to deal with parental conflict and divorce. I was talking as that and cannot be held responsible for what is happening in society as a whole.
President of PTI please look on www.playtherapy.org
C.N.AQUILINA
Feb 5th 2011, 15:00
@ABELA MERCIECA, IKUN TA' BENEFIĊĊJU LIT-TFAL LI JGĦIXU U JITTRABEW MA'OMMOM U MISSIERHOM, U MHUX KIF WED TGĦID INT ĦABIEB.
ID-DIVORZJU MA JAGĦMILX ĦLIEF EŻEMPJU ĦAŻIN U ĦSARA KBIRA LIT-TFAL!
POĠĠI LILHEKK INNIFSEK FLOK DAWK IT-TFAL ĦALLI VERAMENT TKUN TAF X'JIĠGIER
TGĦIX U TITRABBA MA' MISSIEREK U MA' MARA BARRANIJA, JEW MA' OMMOK U MA' RAĠEL BARRANI!
ID-DIVORZJU HU ĦAŻIN GĦAL-ULIEDNA U GĦAL-PAJJIŻNA, MELA MOĦĦOK HEMM POPLU MALTI U GĦAWDXI!
MT Caruana
Feb 5th 2011, 15:37
@C.N.AQUILINA...
"POĠĠI LILHEKK INNIFSEK FLOK DAWK IT-TFAL ĦALLI VERAMENT TKUN TAF X'JIĠGIER
TGĦIX U TITRABBA MA' MISSIEREK U MA' MARA BARRANIJA, JEW MA' OMMOK U MA' RAĠEL BARRANI! "
U jien nejdlek poggi lilek innifsek int flok dawk tfal,go dar bil glied u swat min filghodu sa ma jidlam, dik hajja ehh, tishet lilek inifsek, u dejjem tghid ghaliex jien. Il paci fil hajja BZONJUZA ghal kulhadt, ghaliex dan nies ma ghadux ikollhom second chance ? mela sewwa kuntent jien , kuntent kulhadt.
Mohhok hemm poplu Malti u Ghawdxi, iz-zwieg tieghi u tighek jaf irnexxa, imma hawn min ghandu bzonn l appogg taghna.
Christian Sciberras
Feb 5th 2011, 18:35
@MT Caruana - You can't argue with a short-sighted person which have not experienced the issue in question (such as C.N.AQUILINA).
Some people are quite comfortable with their lives enough to take their egoistic chances and (wrongly) decide for the less fortunate, with the excuse of living in a supposedly Catholic country. It's probably useless to mention that Malta is a secular state, but well, just in case someone really wants to hear the truth other than made up stuff...
Tony Micallef
Feb 5th 2011, 14:51
A VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS VICTIMS:
Only acts of war and the events of natural disasters are more harmful to a child's psyche than the divorce process.".......The Newsletter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Summer 1997
A Vella
Feb 5th 2011, 15:09
... or separation or annullments. Jew li jaqbillek biss qrajt?
J Farrugia
Feb 5th 2011, 14:18
we dont need foreigners to tell us anything about the family in Malta. It's us the Maltese people who have something to teach the foreigners about the family. and for the good of the family and not to destroy the family.
Christian Sciberras
Feb 5th 2011, 18:46
Yeah, we do occupy 70% of Earth, sure we have stuff to teach them....
Rule number one: when the wedding just can't work, beat her up as much as you want and when you're fed up investing in the local bars, find another one... All within terms of Catholic Commandments, of course!!
david debattistad
Feb 5th 2011, 23:54
WELL SAID AND WELL DONE J FARRUGIA .
Monika Jephcott
Feb 12th 2011, 14:19
You may think foreigners have no right to support your Maltese children emotionally when they need help as for instances in divorce situations, but it happens that this foreigner who spoke out on behalf of your children has world wide experience in how playtherapy can help alleviate emotional, behavioural mental health problems. Maybe you do not want that support personally but we are trying to build the capacity in Malta so you will have your own playtherapists. I am sure you would want the best for your children
Monika Jephcott
President of PTI please look on www.playtherapy.org
Emanuel Farrugia
Feb 5th 2011, 13:28
Divorce & Children
Divorce is an unsettling time for the family unit. The most important thing is to try and cause as little disturbance to your children’s lives as possible. If it is possible to do so sit down with your partner and agree on a short-term plan regarding where they will live, who will care for them and any money that needs to change hands.
Take some time to sit down with your children and explain that you and your partner are separating. They may already be aware of it. Depending on their age, you might want to explain why you are breaking up and what it will mean for their future. Take your time and answer any questions they might have. Do not underestimate your child’s ability to understand. The more aware they are of what is happening, the better they will be able to cope. If possible, discuss it all first with your partner. Presenting a united front will give your children a sense of security. If you are having trouble talking, you may want to see a professional mediator.
Emanuel Farrugia former Executive Secretary Mtarfa Local Council and Metropolitan Tribunal [Diploma in Canon Law]
Patrick Mulholland
Feb 5th 2011, 12:46
Agree with B Sant - "too little, too late".
By then they'd be trying to figure things out like - should'nt mum and dad be setting us an example? A good example?
Andrew Farrugia
Feb 5th 2011, 12:26
Ms Jephcott could use her time more profitably trying to use her expertise in seeking solutions to Britain's "broken society"!
Monika Jephcott
Feb 12th 2011, 12:03
I am trying to do my best in training specialists to work with children who are unfortunate enough to need emotional support for whatever reason, divorce and parental conflict are only one of the arears where that is needed. Play Therapy International does this in 11 countries other than the UK. Through our interventions play therapists are helping around 80% of the children they see world wide to enable their potential and to have a better future.
Monika Jephcott
President of PTI please look on www.playtherapy.org
B Sant
Feb 5th 2011, 12:18
Children need a voice ( so that we listen) during marriage. During divorce its a bitt too little too late.
Christian Sciberras
Feb 5th 2011, 18:46
In an ideal world, there shouldn't be any children during marriage :)
Monika Jephcott
Feb 12th 2011, 15:11
But better than not at all
Monika Jephcott
President of PTI please look on www.playtherapy.org
Cecil Herbert Jones K.U.L. EWROPA
Feb 5th 2011, 11:22
contd.........
2) I think that while the two constellations (the YES or the NO Movements) are lobbying to generate support for the referendum, and expertly speculating what traumas a child can be spared or afforded, they would do well to consider giving children the right to vote in the referendum as well !!! After all this is about them too !!!
Had my suggestion to be taken up seriously, then we should gather all Maltese children NOW and form discussion groups around the island, similar to those we experienced during the pre-referendum period of our accession into membership with the EU. And by similar I mean with the same degree Media attention! And in this way children will have a real voice, and they can also help each other by it. After all they are a generation who have to learn to do this later on when they grow up. I see no harm in their getting trained for this while they're young, and on such a serious issue. Let's stop treating them like toys living in fantasy land all the time.
Cecil Herbert Jones K.U.L. EWROPA
Feb 5th 2011, 11:17
1) Children get used to their parents, and endure them far more than us adults wish to think, fragile as they are. However, what I see as a problem for the child is the fact that while both parents lived together, their responsibilities towards the child, that the child was so used to, was shared, whereas in a separation environment these responsibilities are split (not shared) between the parents. This won't make any child happy because s/he has to get used to the new rules with new scenarios. For some children it can turn out to be quite interesting and beneficial, for others not so.
contd.........
Raymond Bezzina
Feb 5th 2011, 11:06
Quote from the above article, " Divorce procedures may turn out to be beneficial for children
because they give them a voice during the separation process, according to the president of
an organisation specialising in play therapy." Unquote.
What is truly beneficial for children is to have healthy marriages without the need to separate.
Even the pro-divorce lobby in Malta agrees that the separation process is always a trauma for
the children involved, therefore separation is harmful for children, let alone divorce.
Ernest Vella
Feb 5th 2011, 11:05
Children don't need a voice but love and committment, stability in the family, care, quality time, peace, loyalty etc. If we come here and promote divorce for it gives children a voice, is like that man in the street who say; "Niehu d-droga ha nehles!!!"
We don't ask freedom to express ourselves by introducing a law such as divorce, but when we are at home and we speak together as a family, listen to our children, listen to our wife or husband, love each other, forgive each other,
Yes there are situation were things happen with no fault of one side but in the majority cases the two that came one, became separated again through stubbornness and love taken as forgranted.
victor pulis
Feb 5th 2011, 12:54
"Yes there are situation were things happen with no fault of one side but in the majority cases the two that came one, became separated again through stubbornness and love taken as forgranted."
I'm glad to read that you recognise that there are instances where only one partner is responsible for the break up. the other is an innocent victim.
It is because of these innocent victims that I am in favour of divorce after all possible means at reconciliation are exhausted. The argument is made that if divorce is introduced the guilty party can remarry and wreck his/her new spouse's life. It is the duty of the new partner to investigate his/her new partner's past which is not at all difficult in tiny Malta where everybody knows everybody else.
R Agius
Feb 5th 2011, 15:00
Children DO need a voice... in fact letting children voice their opinions is an integral part of the Convention for the Rights of the Child set up by the United Nations. Malta has adopted this convention, but unfortunately is still lacking in its implementation.
Joe Zammit
Feb 5th 2011, 10:41
"The CEO of Play Therapy Malta, Jacqueline Abela DeGiovanni, spoke of the reality of marital breakdown in Malta and said many parents sought help because the children were stuck in the middle."
Look at the funny logo excogitated Pro-divorce Movement and see how in divorce children are stuck in the middle. Poor children of selfish divorcees!
Join in the battle between God and the devil! Fight the good fight! The victory is ours, it's already guaranteed!
Chris Farrugia
Feb 5th 2011, 11:00
"Poor children of selfish divorcees"
How about poor children of a selfish Church which guaranteed annulment to couples with children?
I am not pretending you to reply to this comment. As always you conveniently ignore such pertinent questions.
Chris Mifsud
Feb 5th 2011, 13:07
"Poor children of selfish divorcees"
No, Mr. Zammit, divorcees are NOT selfish. We only live once and if a couple are unhappy together then they should not waste their one and ONLY life living miserably together, not for the church's sake, not for your sake, not for Christ's sake and not for the childrens sake.
R.E. Saliba
Feb 5th 2011, 13:13
@ Chris Farrugia
2 wrongs don't make a right.
Why not review the annullment procedure instead of introducing a substitute?
martin saliba
Feb 5th 2011, 14:30
As far as i know this is the first time that you have put God ,the devil and fight in the same sentence. Divorce will be in malta , dose this mean that the devil is greater than god ? People like you are so fanatic in their arguments that they dont stop to think before they speak. This is what your pope , not that i care what he says , spoke about a few weeks ago but as we all know you know better. If you want a guarantees victory join the pro divorce movment.
Tony Mizzi
Feb 6th 2011, 07:53
@ CHris Mifsud Excuse me but do you have children? If yes, how you even deer say not even for the childrens sake????
Parenthood means responsiblity ... your statement shows none of the responsibiilty a father should have. This without mentioning love .....
Joe Farrugia
Feb 5th 2011, 10:19
To give a voice to children, do we have to make them go through the trauma of divorce procedures of the own parents? This really reflects the whole meaning after the Pro Divorce Logo.
Monika Jephcott
Feb 12th 2011, 12:05
No I hope not and it is not what I am suggesting. Play therapists give emotional support to children in whatever situation to enable their potential and have a better understanding of themselves in regard to problems they are faced with.
Monika Jephcott
President of PTI please look on www.playtherapy.org
Alfred Bugeja
Feb 5th 2011, 09:56
So, let me see if I get this right.
Current laws governing legal separation already give a voice to the children, particularly when the court is deciding on visiting rights. A Child's advocate is usually appointed by the court to assist in this process.
Thus, if as the Divorce Draft Bill currently says, a couple can only be divorced after being legally separated for at least four years, the children will be "given" a voice twice at four-year intervals.
Thus the kids will have to endure four whole years of holding their breath, knowing that they will be "given" a voice during their parents' divorce proceedings, and having to reopen their wounds for a second time.
Wise indeed. Unless of course we are also thinking about removing the right of the children to voice their concerns in the first instance during their parents' separation.