Lights, tinsel, presents, ho ho hos, carols, baubles, decorations, snowmen, Santas, stockings, trees – it’s Christmas time! December, the month that everyone associates with one thing – Christmas. Christmas Eve drinks, Christmas lunch and Christmas bonus. Of course it’s the festive season – alcohol, food and money, what more can you want? Wait, I know – decorations.

December gets everyone’s creative juices overflowing as houses, offices, front garden trees and any other dull-looking space are brightened up with tinsel hanging from ceilings, lights adorning every tree and anything that says Merry Christmas tacked onto any available wall space.

So if you want to get on your razzle-dazzle this Christmas and show your neighbours who the Christmas king/queen of the street really is, here are some ideas to make it a Santastic Christmas.

• If you have trees in your front garden, dress them with as many lights as you can possibly manage. They’ll brighten up the place and can make your house very easy to spot. Especially for burglars who tend to perk up at this time of year.
• If you live in a flat be sure to put a ‘small’ tree/hanging ornament in your front window. Again, it’s very important that this lights up and must be clearly visible from the ground floor regardless of which floor you live on.
• What’s Christmas without carols? Surround yourself with festive tunes and change your doorbell tone to a cheery Jingle Bells or We Wish you a Merry Christmas. You’ll be heading for the Christmas spirits in no time at all. Whiskey anyone?
• Did you ever wonder why Santa’s Grotto was so popular? People are enveloped in all that is Christmas, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside with kids screaming all over the place and Santa scratching at his nylon beard. Give people that same wonderful feeling by throwing fake snow along your corridors that crunches underfoot and screams of a potential fire hazard.
• Walls can be so bare and cold, don’t you think? Not anymore. Fairy lights must be strung along the walls from frame to frame to give light at all times of the day and increase your electricity bill, so if the overindulging doesn’t give you heartburn, the amount due will. Tinsel should then be framed around each picture/painting/decorative plate with intermittent tassels hanging down off which the lights can reflect creating a psychedelic effect on the ceiling... Bomba!
• Obviously you’ve got a Christmas tree which needs to be decorated. Think Joseph and his Technicolour Dreamcoat and be inspired by his vitality.

Tinsel comes in a variety of colours and they should all be used just like a rainbow. Mix your purples, blues, reds and greens for a colour blow up that might make you want to throw up. You need more lights here so find the brightest ones available – and buy three boxes of them. Also get them musical – you can never have too many carols right?

With ornaments choose various colours and shapes and sizes and place them on every available branch – by the end of it your tree should be drooping and not because of gravity.

• You’ll also want to get some singing, dancing Santas, reindeer and snowmen to place on various shelves so that each and every room will have a running theme, bringing the place together.
• It’s imperative that you leave no room untouched. Use anything that’s red and green; perhaps a pea and chilli pepper assortment in the bathroom? Christmas only comes round once a year so you have to make the most of it.

If this guide has inspired you, I hope I’m not your neighbour. If you’re reeling in horror and want some practical tips for a classy, festive decor then how about a nice wreath on your front door? Decorate your Christmas tree with one to two complementary colours; if you want to add some more colour buy a few well chosen ornaments that will stand out amongst the baubles and be a focal point. I didn’t mention a crib in the list above, however, I do think that cribs are lovely and can be adorned with candles for added effect.

Finally, a couple of Christmas ornaments here and there can be effective – just know that if people are queuing outside your door waiting for a tour of your grotto, you’ve gone too far.