The inner voice

The people who happen to know me for the person I am know what I have had to go through and am still going through. However, as some say, there is always a silver lining to each episode.

This dreadful experience has been an eye-opener for me. It has provided me with ample time to realise, on a professional level, that some of our top administrators lack moral leadership, lack the human, intellectual and social capital needed to take our organisations forward (but on this I’ll write later).

And, on a personal level it helped me to realise that I had been cheating on my loved ones. Yes, we all love our family. Yet, many of us also love the challenges of our job. But there isn’t enough of us to go around. And therefore something has to give.

I decided to dedicate a few years of my life to the sector I have lived in all my life, and for that I was willing to dedicate between 16 to 18 hours a day. And so for a purpose. I was trying my best to lead in a manner that, in my opinion, mattered.

I focused on nurturing a climate where particular values and practices stood out. I tried to live my life with purpose, expressing humility, gratitude, optimism, and determination.

I tried to lead to make a difference by sharing a vision, by treating everyone with respect, by acting with integrity and serving others.

At the same time I had lost all balance in life. It had to be this shattering experience to make me realise this. It’s only when you force yourself (or are forced) to stop that you realise how much rushing and racing around you are doing. The cost of a life spent in stress can be catastrophic, life- shortening and ageing.

If that’s you then you may like to read about the Buddhist concept of mindfulness or awareness. It involves you paying attention to whatever influences bear on your mind and body.

It leads to an awareness that your sedentary life has narrowed your arteries, weakened your heart and lost you years in the pursuit of average income. And, most of all, you allow yourself to spend long periods anxious.

To be aware of what you are doing helps heal and restore you, constantly reminding you of who you actually are so that you don’t wind up as a human doing rather than a human being. It involves listening to your body and watching your actions. Fail to do that and the first person to tell you about your loss of life-force will be a loved one, a paramedic or the Lord himself.

I am sure that some time in your life, as you were dashing to catch the next flight, you came across the One Minute series – The One Minute Manager, The One Minute Golfer, The One Minute Apology.

Surely we all remember the days when we enjoyed reading bedtime stories at a gentle and meandering pace.

Surely, you remember when your son and/or daughter asked for a repeat or yet another story and although you felt tired you made those eyes glisten. Yet did we look at our watches, at what programme we were missing, or a memo we had to write? No we didn’t. Those moments of enchantment were special and made our day worth living.

However, as Carl Honoré notes “My whole life has turned into an exercise in hurry, in packing more and more into every hour.”

The book is part of the Slow Movement concept that encourages us to start appreciating life, such as the slow food concept which originated close to home – Italy. Even the preparation of a plate of pasta is a joy to be seen cooked and then enjoyed with a bottle of wine, and with friends.

This scene speaks volumes. It says they have more important things to do than rush from one thing to another. The ritual of cooking helps me appreciate the value behind people, behind relationships. Like food, people need to be given time. It is that time that builds the values I mentioned earlier.

Maybe that is why I was spending so much time on the things that matter in life – the people that make up your organisation, people who in most cases have been there well before your time and will be there once you leave.

Leaders and leadership is also about what you leave behind you. Although it may be draining, a life dedicated to people and a good cause is worthy of pursuit whether at home or at work.

Prof. Bezzina was formerly permanent secretary at the Ministry for Education.