Recognising that a marriage has ended (1)

The idea that one can prevent marriages from breaking down by preventing access to divorce makes about as much sense as preventing people from dying by prohibiting funerals.

Divorce does not dissolve marriages. It is merely a formal recognition by the state that a marriage has already ended. A couple who seek divorce, especially if they have been separated for four years, are no longer married by any meaningful definition of the word.

When a couple marry they promise to love, honour and respect one another. The marriage certificate is merely a formality that is related to the state’s recognition of their marriage, and is bound to the rights and privileges that the state extends to married couples. When the love, honour and respect are gone, and the only thing that remains of the marriage is the certificate, that certificate becomes meaningless.

While I agree that every effort should be made to help couples overcome any difficulties, there are times when all efforts fail. It does nothing to help marriage to pretend that the couple remain married when the husband and wife are now living separate lives, possibly with new partners and new families.

On the contrary, it renders marriage meaningless, reducing it to mean that “a certificate of marriage is still filed in the public registry somewhere”, and removing the thing that should be at the core of a marriage, namely the relationship between the couple.

When a marriage has reached that stage it is time to call a spade a spade, and accept that the marriage is over. Not only does it allow the couples to register and formalise their real marriage, with the person they live with and love, and thus is an action in support of marriage, but it also reaffirms the meaning of marriage as something more than a certificate.

Some people will point out that children will also be affected by this, but in truth, would a child care whether it’s called a divorce, a separation or even a Church-sanctioned annulment?

All they care about is that their parents are no longer together, and that happens long before the divorce proceedings even start; indeed it happens even now, with divorce not available locally.