The phenomenon of internet relationships

Couples should discuss the meaning they attach to online chatting with others because the blurred boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour can cause friction between the pair, according to a family therapist.

“Often, there is a disparity in the meaning given to chatting. Someone may feel betrayed if her partner spends time chatting online with a member of the opposite sex while the person chatting may insist he is doing nothing wrong and is not being unfaithful by talking to someone,” Karen Bishop said.

Couples often go to her for counselling for problems triggered by online infidelity, which is what strengthened her belief the subject of online relationships is not discussed enough on the island.

Such relationships will be the subject of a seminar organised by the Maltese Association for Family Therapy and Systemic Practice tomorrow.

The seminar, being held at Europe House in Valletta between 5 and 7 p.m., will aim to generate discussion and awareness about the phenomenon of internet relationships that are seldom spoken about in Malta, other than in the context of adolescents and social networking.

During the seminar, Ms Bishop will be speaking about the findings of the research carried out as part of her Masters in family therapy.

Interviews with people in online relationships proved such liaisons were common among Maltese adults.

“People primarily use the internet for dating because they think they have more chances of meeting a partner online than in a social situation,” Ms Bishop said.

Her research highlighted that people who chatted frequently in search of a partner were ashamed to show it.

“There is the unspoken belief that if someone had to resort to the internet to find a partner, it’s because they cannot manage to do so in real life... But in reality it’s such a widespread phenomenon that the meaning to it has changed,” she said.

Her research also showed that people in Malta were geared up to meet up with people they met online, so they chose to chat with locals rather than foreigners.

This meant they had an honest self-representation and did not lie about their looks although they were selective when it came to information to put forward.

Most of the people she interviewed agreed they found chatting with people unacceptable once they were in a committed relationship with someone else.

“Several people said it was strange that, even though they were meeting a person for the first time, they knew so much about them.

“They also said their relationship progressed at a quicker pace online both emotionally and in terms of sexual intimacy,” Ms Bishop said.

This supported international research that internet relationships were different from face-to-face ones because they were more accessible, anonymous and affordable.

“All have the same voice on the internet, which makes it appealing.

“Because it is readily available at home people assume it’s safe... People don’t realise this can expose them, especially if they are in a vulnerable situation,” she said. She gave the example of a person who opened up to a man online and he later slagged her off with people using information she had told him in confidence.

“Internet relationships are here to stay and we can’t demonise them as they help many keep in touch. But there is the need to be more aware about the way they work to ensure people don’t put themselves in a vulnerable position,” she said.

Anyone interested in attending tomorrow’s seminar can send an e-mail to maftsp@gmail.com.