When Andrea* was going through a pile of old newspapers her eyes filled with tears as she spotted an article saying most Maltese believed domestic violence victims provoked the aggression.

“The article was on the front page of The Times. It’s sad how so many people think victims provoke this violence... In my case, the only provocation was thinking with my own mind,” she said.

The article quoted a recent EU survey showing 79 per cent of Maltese believed the violence was provoked.

But experience has taught Andrea the opposite. Now that she has managed to walk away from her abusive husband she can finally see the clear picture – she did not deserve to be beaten and treated disrespectfully.

“Violence creeps in more silently than a thief... Once, my husband beat me half-an-hour after I returned home from hospital. What could I have done to provoke that? To him, provocation was thinking with your own mind – like phoning the technician when an appliance broke down.

“Abusers like my husband try and kill the person inside and make you believe you are ignorant, ugly and cruel and that you are provoking them. But now I know he was the one with the problem, not me,” she said with the newly found comfort of distance.

Andrea had been married for almost 30 years when, about a year ago, she plucked up the courage to close the door on her husband.

Before they got married she knew he was a possessive man since he did not like it when she went out with her mother. Although they argued, she never imagined he would one day take to striking her.

But once the knot was tied, this dark aggressive side of the man she loved emerged. He controlled her by not giving her money and even dictated what she wore.

“I don’t even remember when the first blow came... All I know is the incidents happened for silly things such as nibbling something just before dinner or not re-filling the water filter... He used to blame it on me and tell me I bruised easily.”

The couple had three children and, although he never beat them, Andrea knows they suffered emotional abuse when they saw their father assault their mother.

“Before he beat me he’d show me it was soon going to happen. The fear you feel in that one hour is almost worse than the blows themselves.

“Once he almost choked me. I wish I could forget that look in his eyes. Emotional abuse changes you. I now try to use it to be a better person.”

So why did she take this from her husband for so long?

“Abusers choose their victims and choose people who they know will stay. He knew I loved him and that our family came first and I would do anything to keep it together,” she said.

Andrea went to the doctor regularly but he never asked what was wrong. Looking back, she said that, had he asked, it would have helped her immensely.

“You hope someone does what you don’t have the courage to do. So when I cried I went out into the yard hoping that someone would notice and see me. But no one did.”

As time passed, Andrea started working and this helped her realise her worth. One day, after a silly argument, she actually plucked up the courage to leave.

With help from her family and support from Appoġġ, the government’s social arm, she is now rebuilding her life away from her husband.

“Now I’m peaceful. I’m happy I don’t see him and that I don’t live in fear. I learnt I am important and I don’t deserve this,” she said.

Andrea can now spot a battered woman from a mile away – the bruises and the sad, scared gaze fixed to the ground are telltale signs.

“I know these women barely lift their gaze from the ground, let alone provoke anything,” she said.

In a word of advice to abused women, she said: “If you are wondering whether you are victim of domestic violence, you probably are. It would not cross your mind in a happy marriage.”

*Name and some personal details have been changed.