Peter Galea, Iklin
Divorce and conscience (3)
Bishop Mario Grech and others want us to believe that conscience must be formed and infused by truth. That’s all very well, but it should not necessarily conform with all that Bishop Grech says. On the one hand we are told that people are free to abide by their own genuine conscience and on the other some clerics believe that we should be anti-divorce or otherwise it’s a sin.
So here is a true story. A woman who had just got married grumbled to her new husband, from day one, that she had made a mistake and should never have got married. She started to leave the house in a mess and refused to do the cooking and cleaning. The husband decided to do all the housework to keep the peace.
She then started to go out on her own and come home late, even cheating on her husband, who was a good man and forgave her in the hope she would change her ways. But she became arrogant and even threw things at him. The poor man kept calm and was afraid that if he retaliated he could end up in prison.
Her father backed her, so things became more complicated and dangerous. Finally they decided to separate. The man applied for an annulment. It took a long time to be settled and he had to pay thousands of euros. His wife wanted to make his life hell and during the annulment proceedings she did her best to put the blame on him.
This man then met a good women and together they have a child whom they care for and love very much. They live happily together and go to church with their child and say prayers regularly. It is a big heartache for them that they cannot receive Holy Communion. They are also very confused about what to tell their child when asked why they do not receive Holy Communion.
Now, what should their consciences be telling them?
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Oliver Mamo
Sep 22nd 2010, 20:58
Due to the pressures suffered from such a situation, the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. To add insult to injury yet another time, this man opened a church annulment in which he is affirming that his wife suffers from some mental malady - meaning that she had to undergo numerous tests by professionals in the field to prove herself mentally healthy. During the early stages of the annulment period this immoral man fathered a child with another woman. It transpires that the church tribunal, having professional results disproved this man's assertions resulting in the marriage being declared valid. At this point what should one do? Should my friend dwell on what has been lost or move ahead? Bearing in mind the consequences, I recommended to my friend to move on, since she has always acted truthfully - during the marriage, during the annulment. She tried to save the marriage but her husband cowered even from counselling. Luckily enough, my friend has moved on.
When a person has lived one's life truthfully, whatever life brings the only way is forward by remaing true to oneself through the personal relationship with God.
Oliver Mamo
Sep 22nd 2010, 20:36
Dear Mr Galea, I do agree with you. We are taught that conscience is based on truth BUT at the same time we are told that the church only holds the keys to truth. I too know of a similar true story. A few years ago a friend of mine married this man. After a few days within marriage, this man started to live his life to the fullest with his wife's life revolving solely around his - meaning whilst he was enjoying football matches with his friends, she was left alone doing the chores that should have been shared. To add insult to injury, this man did not know how a mature man should maintain a healthy relationship with his mother and his only resolve was to dump his mother on his wife. After a few months into the marriage, they conceived a child. At first, this man received this news gladly but after being given a cold shoulder on such news by his mother, he dumped this problem on his wife, who refused to tackle his mother's issues during such a joyous state. At this point he cast out his wife and child from home. (continued)
Joe Zammit
Sep 22nd 2010, 13:46
Christian Marriage (Casti Connubii) of Pope Pius XI:
Par.91 runs: “Opposed to all these aberrations, Venerable Brethren, there stands one irrefragable law of God, amply endorsed by Christ, a law against whose force no human decree, no ordinance of peoples, no lawgiver’s will can prevail: ‘What God has joined together let no man put asunder.’
If anyone in spite of that law makes such a separation his act is null and void, with the consequence which Christ Himself has clearly proclaimed: ‘He that puts away his wife and marries her that is put away from her husband commits adultery.’
And these words of Christ apply to any marriage whatsoever, EVEN TO A LEGITIMATE MARRIAGE OF THE NATURAL ORDER. Indissolubility is the attribute of every true marriage, and therefore so far as the dissolution of the bond is concerned it is independent of the will of the parties themselves and of every secular power.”
wally vella-zarb
Sep 22nd 2010, 19:09
He could well have added that all brides had to wear purple gowns with psychedelic orange polka dots for aught I care! What he says, whoever he is/was is only of concern to people like you. For the rest of us he is/was just another leader of an organisation which we do not follow and is, therefore, arguably less relevant than last Monday's nine o'clock news.
William P Flynn
Sep 22nd 2010, 12:36
If he lived in a free country where there is no fault divorce he could have turfed his first wife out of his life right away and saved everyone a lot of trouble. In a country where there is no fault divorce people stay married because they want to not because they have to. It’s as it should be.
The pope, the bishops, the theologians agree; oh!except one monsignor who can't control how parishes are decorated during feasts but wants to control how men and women live and with whom(Gouder,I believe) that what their conscience tells them is their business.
Don't let celibate priests control your marriage, they haven't got a clue.
There is nothing that can keep a man and a woman apart if they want to be together; conversely there is nothing that is going to keep them together if they don't want to; not god, not the church, not any law, not any pope, bishop or theologian, not the kids, the parents, the family, money, nothing. Fact of life.
You will find examples of this in your town, your street and perhaps even your family.
It's the human condition.
I say deal with it. Introduce divorce law.
Gerry Cowie
Sep 25th 2010, 12:11
Fact of life......you cannot influence the Maltese mindset nor change the majority catholicity of Malta. Why not accept this fact of life? There is no need for sarcasm, mockery and name-calling in these columns! How can you hope to influence even one person if you are not prepared to soften your stance a bit?
Joseph Micallef
Sep 22nd 2010, 12:31
I am in favour of divorce. But if as you say this couple got an annullment then why didn't the man marry the new woman he met? Or was she separated? Did they choose not to marry?Something is missing in this story.
Joe Zammit
Sep 22nd 2010, 11:40
This is a clear case of an annulment. He can get an annulment and get married again.
MG Buttigieg
Sep 22nd 2010, 11:36
Mr. Galea
since it is 'their' conscience which is to lead them your question is irrelvant. It is up to these people to seek light and direction from their conscience. And I very much doubt whether this can be obtained from this public forum.
Gerard Cassar
Sep 22nd 2010, 10:55
The fault here seems to be attributed to the Church Tribunal for procrastination.
Retarding a decision does not purport that things will settle down on the contrary they will worsen as in the mentioned case. So the purpose of pocrastination by the Church Tribunal is not understood.. Subjects may tire and have recourse to other solutions.