Anthony R. Curmi
The covenant lasting a lifetime
Mario Farrugia (July 31) expressed doubts about the commitment to life-long marriage. He put forward a number of questions for which he seeks an answer. Failed marriages are a fact of life. So, in this article, I do not venture to come up with answers to Mr Farrugia’s questions based on more than 50 years of married life in the course of which, like most married couples, my wife and I countered life’s inevitable ups and downs with prayer and dialogue between us.
I feel a more effective way is to broaden the ongoing divorce debate by drawing attention to the most significant document the Holy See has ever issued on marriage and the family. I refer to Pope John Paul II’s exhortation entitled Familiaris Consortio promulgated in November 1981. Even then the Pope had foreseen the negative trends aimed at destroying the foundations of the family as a result of the widespread adoption of divorce legislation. Various contributors to this newspaper have argued the case for or against the adoption in Malta of such legislation. Due to space limitations, I intend simply to refresh readers’ memories on some salient points of Pope John Paul II’s exhortation.
The Pope started by recognising that, despite the changes in the way of life, many families did adhere to “those values that constitute the foundation of the institution of the family”. The Pope also addressed the situation of divorced and remarried persons and went on to assure his readers that, through the gospel and its modern presentation, the Church does have the answers to modern questions. Having said that, he pointed out the dangers of falling victim to some very appealing but false ideas and solutions, contrary to the gospel, which are offered through “the powerful and persuasive organisation of the means of social communication”.
When commenting on certain modern negative phenomena threatening the very existence of the family in modern society, the Pope specifically mentioned a mistaken concept of the independence of spouses from each other. Having explained various forces of evil that cause marriage breakdowns, the Pope noted that the faithful cannot be immune to the situation in which they live. More and more of the faithful divorce and remarry. More and more accept a mere civil ceremony as sufficient for marriage. More and more marry without a living faith.
The Pope declared unequivocally that marriage is not an imposition of a form by some outside authority. No human person may ever be treated as a thing, as something to be used. Thus, conjugal love does not exist if the gift of the man and the woman is not until “death do us part”, the wedding promise. When a man and a woman enter into a lifelong union of love, they are acting as God acts. The Pope bases this on the fact that, as we are images of God, we are called to do what He does. The spouses have promised to surrender themselves to one another as God has given himself to His people. Adultery is a symbol of the people’s infidelity to their God. Marriage involves sacrifices and cannot be lived without grace. The Pope discusses the times and forms of familial prayer and made a strong endorsement of the family Rosary.
An entire section of the exhortation is devoted to pastoral care of the family in difficulty, especially to families in irregular marital situations. The Pope strongly condemned trial marriages, which are not permanent because the spouses only intend to test each other.
Then, the Pope returns to the divorced and remarried. “The Church... cannot abandon to their own devices those who have been previously bound by sacramental marriage and who have attempted a second marriage. The Church will always try to bring these people the graces necessary for salvation”. He distinguishes between “those who have sincerely tried to save their first marriage and have been unjustly abandoned and those who, through their own grave fault, have destroyed a canonically valid marriage”. Also, the case of those who have entered into a second union for the sake of their children or because they are “subjectively certain in their conscience that their previous and irreparably destroyed marriage had never been valid”.
The Pope concludes with an extraordinary statement: “Those who have rejected the Lord’s command and are still living in this state will be able to obtain from God the grace of conversion and salvation, provided that they have preserved in prayer, penance and charity”. In effect, Pope John Paul II assured the divorced and remarried that God will find a solution to their particular problem if they continue to pray, do penance and practise charity.
The divorced and remarried can take solace from this statement coming from the highest authority of the Church but, obviously, the conditions attached thereto cannot be taken too lightly. The Church’s teaching, based on scripture, against divorce is well known. The Archbishop has already stated that the local Church will not get involved in any crusade against the introduction of divorce legislation but it has a duty to evangelise, based on scripture and the Magisterum.
Inevitably, the time will come when the voting public will be asked to decide – preferably on the basis of draft specific legislation and not just a blind vote – whether the time is ripe to go beyond current legislation catering for separation of the spouses in case of irretrievable broken marriages between males and females where one or both spouses have sought to restart married life with another member of the opposite sex.
I conclude by urging all parliamentarians and opinion leaders to acquaint themselves with the contents of Familiaris Consortio, the full text of which, and also commentaries thereon, are available in English. There is also a Maltese translation by Mgr Joseph Lupi, published by the Media Centre in 1993.
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Sabrina Borda
Sep 10th 2010, 09:16
This article is nothing fresh, we have heard all this before. You give us a tall commentary on what the Pope said only to end with... urging all parliamentarians to 'read up' so as to prick their conscience against divorce. Please have some respect for their own intelligence and choices and most of all their own consciences. The Pope acknowledges divorce in other catholic countries and it is long overdue for the Maltese church to give the Maltese nationals the equivalent respect. One does not know and therefore cannot tell of ones personal experiences so you should not try to stop any remedy for it because it would be too unkind.
Joe Zammit
Sep 10th 2010, 01:37
Our way is not the US but Christ. Christ is against divorce for our own good. Divorce is a wrong step in the wrong direction. Let us all follow the wise and sound teaching of Christ who said that what God has joined together let no man, no MP put asunder! This is progress. Divorce depicts regress. The two characteristics of every valid marriage are Unity (one man and one woman) and Indissolubility (for ever).
d.attard
Sep 9th 2010, 18:33
The concept of a covenant lasting a lifetie is here discussed within the Catholic culture.
I have therefore peeped into realities on the ground in a Catholic context, as governed by the Vatican, in the US.
Fact - 21% of the Catholic population are divorced. A good percentage seek and have their marriage annulled within months and subsequently remarry within the Catholic Church itself.
Fact - The incidence of divorce among Catholics is 6% higher than the rate of divorce among Humanists
Joseph Calleja
Sep 9th 2010, 17:36
Mr Curmi every married couple have marital spats, including you and me but somehow we manage to smooth things out. Not everybody is so lucky. I am sure you never abused your wife and kids mentally or physically but a lot of spouses do. No spouse should be obligated to live with another spouse under those conditions, because their religion says so. Most spouses that ask for divorce already have a broken marriage to start with. What the church is saying is, no matter what, stick it out till the end. This is not the feudal era and nobody should ask you to give up your life for the sake of the church or anybody else.
A commentator whose name I choose to ignore said " When husband and wife have a disagreement, they should reflect, pray, sit together and discuss." I would like to ask this commentator are this husband and wife supposed to do all this, before, during, or after the beating while the kids are watching? Or maybe after the man comes home drunk after visiting his mistress? Has this commentator ever been married to know what really goes on behind closed doors?
Joe Zammit
Sep 9th 2010, 16:20
A Catholic is Catholic always and everywhere. So discussing a topic from a civic point of view does in no way mean that a Catholic is on leave from his obligations towards God and his one holy Catholic and Apostolic Church. No Catholic can ever accept evil, like divorce, in his civic arguments. After all, Christ condemns divorce always (with no exception!) for our own good.
So the religious argument strengthens the civic argument because the Catholic has Christ enlightening words to convince him or her that divorce is evil and as such is always to the detriment of society.
Divorce tears marriage apart. It desolates both husband and wife. It leaves the children not only in tears but also in misery. We do not deny that there can be serious disagreement between husband and wife, but divorce is not the solution. When husband and wife have a disagreement, they should reflect, pray, sit together and discuss. Accept fault where you are wrong, ask for pardon, or consult a priest or other spiritual adviser, but do not divorce.
Kenneth Cassar
Sep 10th 2010, 09:26
"(Divorce) leaves the children not only in tears but also in misery".
No it does not. Marriage separation might. Would you make marriage separation illegal for the sake of children? Be honest and reply for once. I've been posing this question to you forever.
Joe Zammit
Sep 9th 2010, 16:17
Some are mixing up divorce with remarriage. Divorce is not remarriage. Divorce is the declaration that a valid marriage is dissolved. The divorcees can not marry again.
And here is the evil of divorce: you have a valid marriage in which the spouses have solemnly VOWED to remain each other's, to remain faithful to each other in that and ONLY in that marriage, and then somebody who has no say in that marriage abuses by declaring that marriage invalid.
What God has united let no man, no State put asunder! This is the greatest argument against the evil and the superficiality of divorce. No person, no MP can vote for it without sinning seriously against God!
DIVORCE NEVER!
Kenneth Cassar
Sep 10th 2010, 09:23
"The divorcees can not marry again".
Oh yes they can, and there are thousands of divorcees who married again, to prove this (some even in Malta). Try stopping them.
John Pace
Sep 9th 2010, 13:56
Totally irrelevant to the divorce debate. But no doubt our politicians and priests will be smiling contentedly with this article. Headless chickens have more sense.
MSciberras
Sep 9th 2010, 12:20
This article says:
QUOTE The Pope concludes with an extraordinary statement: “Those who have rejected the Lord’s command and are still living in this state will be able to obtain from God the grace of conversion and salvation, provided that they have preserved in prayer, penance and charity”. In effect, Pope John Paul II assured the divorced and remarried that God will find a solution to their particular problem if they continue to pray, do penance and practise charity.UNQUOTE
Nothing extroardinary about. It perfectly encapsulates the philosophy of the supposedly 'strict' Vatican over the ages. Basically its telling you can do whatever you want (sin....) God will forgive you as long as you feel penance. Stick the knife in whenever necessary...but feel sorry about it...........! The Vatican's great at putting words in God's mouth, as in the above excerpt; this explains why it is still around after 2000 years. Isn't it harder not to seek comfort from an authority that says it speaks in God's name, and instead look hard into one's own conscience, which is the only place where one really finds God, whenever confronted by life's many decisions? Yes......but moral responsibility is harder than being a Catholic......
joe felice pace
Sep 9th 2010, 09:56
That was a breath of fresh air in an otherwise clouded and confused relativistic atmosphere.