"This is the most undemocratic Opposition we have ever had. And I can prove that they are planning dirty business." The statement was uttered in undertones; however, I could not help hearing it. I opened both ears and edged closer to the two men holding the conversation. I learned later that the speaker was called Joseph. His friend, Lawrence, was sceptical. Like Thomas, he asked for proof.

"The opposition", Joseph said with a slightly louder and more agitated voice "are planning to use arms against the Government."

I nearly choked in the bite I was slowly digesting and opened both ears. Lawrence now insisted for proof.

"The Opposition is so arrogant that they are openly using arms against the Government. Openly, publicly and in a massive way."

"Arms?" said Lawrence "What arms? Do not tell me that they have weapons of mass destruction!" A touch of sarcasm coloured his voice.

"Worse!" said Joseph undaunted by his friend's scepticism. "I have documentary proof in my pocket." He reached to his pockets.

The look of disbelief on Lawrence's face slowly changed into a look of sheer curiosity. My eyes almost left their sockets.

Joseph looked around to ascertain himself that no one was looking at them. I feigned to look the other way. He slowly took out a piece of paper and showed it to Lawrence. His jaw dropped in horror. It seems that the dreaded proof existed after all.

What was written on that piece of paper? I asked myself. In the mirror in front, I could see an out of focus image. I strained my eyes and read: ARMS Ltd.

"But", stammered Lawrence "ARMS Ltd were created by this Government not by the Opposition."

"It's an act of sabotage. It is infiltration galore. Otherwise this is a lemmings-type of mass suicide." The look on Joseph's face was now triumphant. "You see what they do? They send you a bill for five months or so. It is a hefty one and you shout ouch. The collective ouches of the population are loud enough to reach high heaven. Then they leave you ouch-ing for three weeks. As soon as you are regaining your breath they send you another bill. They send an estimate this time. The first bill giving actual use they charge you for 1200 units of electricity consumption. In the estimate for just one month, they say that you wasted over 700 units. In the actual bill they charge you for 15 units of water for five months. In the estimate they charge you for 13 units for just one month. Ghidli jekk jaharqukx jew le, man?"

Lawrence was ready to throw in the towel. His final attempt was half hearted. "There is a helpline printed in large type face on the top right hand corner. You phone and they explain."

Joseph, now, lost it completely. He let out a stream of obscenities that even the author of Min ikisser ihallas never dared to write. "It is easier to get hit by a meteor than to get through to ARMS. Ikomplu jaharquk, bahnan."

Lawrence hated to admit the stark reality: the dirty tricks department of the Partit Laburista have come up with devastatingly effective ARMS as part of their electoral arsenal!

Where unlimited means limited

"Qed idoqqlok it-telefon." Jane tried to find her mobile in her large handbag. "Qed idoqqlok it-telefon." She cursed herself for letting her daughter download this horrible ringing tone. "Capsa qed ...." Found it at last!

"Hello, this is Melita calling."

"Hi", Jane answered.

"You are one of our subscribers, misses."

"Yes," said Jane.

"You are making too many calls, misses."

"Too many calls?" stammered a surprised Jane. "What do you mean?"

"When you subscribed you choose five preferred numbers and now it transpires that you are making too many calls to these persons."

"Too many calls", Jane repeated herself as if she were a second rate tape recorder.

"Yes, misses, our computer does not lie. I can tell you the dates, times and duration."

"Wait a minute," interjected Jane. "Your offer said that I can make unlimited calls to those numbers."

"But you are making too many."

In a second, Jane managed to pluck up some courage and change it instantly into rage.

"Unlimited means without a limit. I can never make too many if I can make unlimited number of calls."

"There is a limit even to unlimited. Look at the fine print on your contract and you will read black on white that we decide what unlimited means."

Jane opened her mouth once and then twice.

No words ventured further away from her teeth.

Who was that stupid person who said that the customer is always right? She thought.

"And misses," the voice added in a threatening fashion "if you don't amend your ways and phone less, we will start charging you."