Claudia Calleja
Children's silent scream for help
Rage is not usually associated with children, especially those who live in residential care but they are screaming for help to overcome the anger they keep bottled up inside them, according to a counselling psychologist.
"No one is realising how deep these children's problems are... They are not 'sweet little children'. They are very angry. It's rage. It's overwhelming for them and they need immediate help," Sr Jacqueline Jones said.
She proposed that children's homes pool in their resources and, with the assistance of the government, employ a set of professionals dedicated to provide drama and play therapy and anger management to the children in care.
Sr Jones, a counselling psychologist who works in the homes, has just submitted her proposals to the Family Ministry.
Among other things, she suggests that nuns and carers who run homes are empowered to take more decisions in the children's interest. Increasing the staff-children ratio and introducing mandatory counselling and parental education for those who place their children in residential care are other proposals she is making.
One of the most pressing requirements was helping children voice their concerns and express their anger, which was most evident on a Sunday night when they returned to the home after spending the weekend with one or both parents.
"They come back so confused. They question whether their mother loves them and they feel lied to. They fight with one another and some are so angry at their parents they say they want to harm them.... But they are secretive and keep it all inside," she said, adding such children needed lots of love and attention.
She recalled the case of an eight-year-old girl confessing she was worried that her younger sister would speak about what happened at home. Therapy would help children like that girl explore this at a deeper level and act out what was on their mind.
Sr Jones explained that, although the homes worked with psychologists and social workers from Appoġġ - the government's social arm, the service was overburdened, which was why a team of professionals had to be dedicated to residential homes.
As things stood, children in homes were either placed there by the government on a care order, in which case they were the responsibility of the state, or they were taken there voluntarily by their parents. In the second case, they remained under their parents' authority, which meant that nuns and carers who ran the homes had no say over the children.
"There are times when we know that the children are returning to an unhealthy environment when their parents pick them up for the weekend. But we can't do anything to stop them," said Sr Denise Vassallo, the house mother of Dar Sagra Familja in Żabbar.
She gave the example of a mother who rarely visited her child but then interfered to stop the child from being adopted, leaving her stuck in the home.
"I feel we are giving more rights to the parents than protecting the children," Sr Vassallo said. She believed the majority of children wished to be reunited with their family, which was why there was the need to invest more into helping the families through therapy.
Nodding in agreement, Sr Jones said: "Who fights for the children's rights? Why don't we have the authority to stand up for them? We need the power to protect the child from more confusion."
Children also needed more one-to-one attention during their stay at the homes, which was why Sr Jones suggested increasing the number of carers.
She called on the government to chip in and employ people who would alleviate the burden of nuns who barely had time to rest or nurture their spiritual vocation. "Religious staff are exhausted. They are not dealing with ordinary children but angry ones who often vent it out on them. They are human and their patience has a limit," she said.
11 Comments
Post comment
Please sign in or create your Account to post comments.
Marianna Galea Xuereb
Aug 3rd 2010, 14:44
I fully agree that children in institutions or “homes” need help in dealing with the anger and hurt they usually keep bottled up inside.
But we would all be making a very grave mistake if we do not also seek out children with similar problems who are seemingly living an adequate (or even ideal) life with their own natural parents and/or grandparents.
A.Portelli
Aug 3rd 2010, 10:47
What I find extremely important is that a lot of work must be done with the parents. Children are being catered for with very limited resources but who is catering for the parents' needs? Does it make sense to work with the child but nobody is working with the parents? Another question follows....so why are we working with the child if they go back to the roots of the problems they found themselves in i.e with their parents? This is a big lacuna. We have to work with parents as many times it would not even be their fault if their children are in care! They did not even have a family role model and a stable environment to live in let alone rasing up their children in a stable environment. ANd this will continue to happen...this is where the vicious cycle comes in. Let's work with the families because we are not tackling the problem in a holistic way...we are just touching a part of it. We have to deal with the roots of the problems and not only with their consequences.
A.Portelli
Aug 3rd 2010, 10:47
Unfortunately this is a vicious cycle......failing to cater for all the needs of these children means not giving them the strength to upbring a family of their own. An unhealed child will be an unhealed adult. Research shows that many of these children end up in the criminal world...stealing, taking drugs, prostitution etc. And why is this happening? Children's homes and the government are not only responsible to provide shelter and food to these children. The physical needs must certainly be met but what makes a child a psychologically healthy adult is therapy to help the child deal with the problems which he/she has no control over.
Rosalind Borg
Aug 3rd 2010, 10:19
I fully agree with these proposals . These children and their carers need help now.
What I find particularly worrying is the plight of those children who are not protected by a care or court order. They spend the week lovingly cared for by the nuns but ultimately they are at the mercy of their parents who sadly do not always have their best interests at heart on the contrary they often end up being used as pawns to suit their parents.
I realize that care /court orders are more expensive for the government but as Joanne Micallef rightly said these children are the adults of the future if we do not look after these children now I shudder to think what the families of the future (these children's children) will be like.
Joe Zammit
Aug 2nd 2010, 20:49
The people of Malta and Gozo heartily thank these nuns for their sterling service they are giving to less fortunate children. Their work, surely done for the glory of God and the love of the most needy, will serve to one and all as a beacon of love, self-sacrifice and dedication to their noble ideal.
Let's pray to our heavenly Father to call more generous persons to fulfil such magnanimous vocation. On our part let us help these nuns in their daily needs.
R.Borg
Aug 2nd 2010, 17:01
THESE CHILDREN CANNOT WAIT ANYMORE. IT IS ALREADY ALMOST LATE. IS IT TRUE THAT CHILDREN WITH A CARE ORDER WERE NOT ABLE TO BE GIVEN A PLACE IN AN ALTERNATIVE PROTECTED ENVIRONMENT FOR CHILDREN IN DISTRESS? IF THE ANSWER IS YES, WHY? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MANY CONFERENCES THAT HAVE BEEN ORGANISED THESE PAST YEARS? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MANY RECOMMENDATIONS? RTK RADIO (THE CATHOLIC ONE) ORGANIZES AN ANNUAL CAMPAIGN FOR DAR TAL- PROVIDENZA WHERE THERE ARE NO MINORS ? WHAT IS EXACTLY KEEPING IT FROM ORGANIZING A SIMILAR CAMPAIGN TO HELP CHILDREN'S HOMES SO THAT WITH THE MONEY COLLECTED MORE SUPPORT CARERS ARE EMPLOYED? AND WHY SHOULD APPOGG AND THE KIDS PROJECT IN ZEJTUN ORGANISE FUND-RAISING ACTIVITES TO FUND THEIR PROGRAMMES IN DEFENCE OF CHILDREN WHEN THEY FALL UNDER THE MINISTRY OF EDUCATION, WORK AND THE FAMILY? DO THE OTHER GOVERNMENT MINISTRIES ORGANIZE SIMILAR FUND-RAISING ACTIVITIES TO SUBSIDIZE THEIR WORK? CAN SOMEONE INFORM THE MALTESE PUBLIC WHAT WAS EXACTLY THE AMOUNT OF THE WATER AND ELECTRICITY BILLS THES HOMES HAVE TO FORK OUT FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS? CHILDREM ARE STILL WAITING AND THEY ARE FED UP OF WORDS AND WORDS AND WORDS.
Joanne Micallef
Aug 2nd 2010, 13:02
Children are our future, therefore by providing such a service we would be investing in our future.
Joseph M Muscat
Aug 2nd 2010, 12:51
i fully endorse what Sr Jones has proposed; I happen to have experienced that sort of life for as 9 year old I was enrolled into an institution, which not only gave me shelter but gave me life-long skills to live my life as best I can. These people not only need care but they need all the professional help to help them integrate with society and not be more stigmatised through no fault of their own. After gaining a lot of experience in working with the outside world work and society I spent 17 years teaching these boys working skills to help them find steady jobs to sustain themselves throughout their lives..... I understood their feelings because at one time I was one of them...! Yes they feel rebellious, they feel they are not like the other kids who have a shoulder to cry on......they feel lonely, put aside and worry to whom they belong to.?
miriam grech
Aug 2nd 2010, 13:59
Well done Joseph. Thanks for the courage you showed in giving your experience. The world needs men like you.I AM SURE YOU REALLY APPRECIATE THE WORK OF THE NUNS AND PRIESTS.
GOD BLESS YOU.
Mary ann Borg
Aug 2nd 2010, 12:03
Well done.... this is urgent and so, so important. These children will, if not helped, become criminals and abusive parents of the future. Every cent spent on them will save so much latter. With play therapy, drama therapy, and music therapy these children can sort out their feelings and restore their equilibrium.
Mario Tabone-Vassallo
Aug 2nd 2010, 10:44
Prosit tassew. Dan hu t-tip ta' PPP li l-gvern irid jissieheb fih, mhux ma spekulaturi. L-istess kif imissu jghin lid-dar tax-xjuh tal-voluntarjat [ez. tal-Knisja u Ordnijiet] billi jaghtihom fizjoterapija, nghidu ahna. L-isbah xewqat u grazzi tax-xoghol. Importanti li l-voluntiera, ez is-sorijiet, ma jitilfux kontrol ghax jinghataw l-ghajnuna, ghax jigu koppi