Changing house is listed among the most stressful life situations, yet moving into a home at an old age may be one sure way of spending the twilight years in good care.
Rose Mary Coleiro Sapiano and couple Yvonne and Loris Bianchi share their reasons why it made no sense for them and their families to stay home alone.

Rose Mary Coleiro Sapiano has just turned 80. The picture of good health, she has been living at Casa Antonia in Balzan for four years. Her move was a premeditated one.

It took her a full year to organise her belongings and psyche herself into a new beginning. Her bubbly self and happy nature are testimony that her decision to buy accommodation according to her needs was the right one.

"I lived in a mega house in Birkirkara," she says from her room with a view of San Anton Gardens. "It was my pride and joy, not only because it was objectively beautiful, but also because it was designed by my father whom I lost when I was nine. The house represented the strong connection I felt with him. I always believed that for him to create such an outstanding architecture, he must have been a grand man. In my prayers I jokingly ask God to forgive me as, if I had to make it to Heaven, the first person I would seek to hug will be my dad, then we shall go to greet God together."

A few minutes into the conversation, surrounded by no fewer than 400 carefully selected publications - mostly about art, history and literature - one would realise that the woman, a former teacher, has a fine mind.

"As much as I loved the place, I realised it was too big for my shoe at my age. I had help but I was still unable to give it the attention such a place deserved so I realised it was time to leave a memorable past behind and plan to live for my current circumstances. Choosing to honour age rather than resent it, I decided to downsize my responsibilities to an extent that I could manage and save my strength and energy to fulfil the priorities that mattered to me."

Mrs Coleiro Sapiano is one to live on her own terms, so she moved to Casa Antonia complete with her favourite pieces of antique furniture and a handful of intimate belongings, making a home from home. She claims to live like a queen. "I am looked after and pampered," she says, laughing wholeheartedly. "The staff give me undivided attention, my place is kept spotlessly clean and the food, like breastfeeding, is divine and on demand. What else can I ask for?"

Notes are on the table waiting for her children's next visit. "My three children visit often but I don't want to spend my quality time discussing the weather with them - so I prepare topics of conversation. My children have their own mind which doesn't always coincide with mine. That keeps our conversations alive and challenging; we feed on each other."

Mrs Coleiro Sapiano lives the moment as if there is no tomorrow. Her sense of humour is so gripping, she makes you want to linger on in her presence forever, but she is not always a comfortable citizen for newspapers and the authority. Every time she begs to differ, which is often, she puts pen to paper objecting to anything, from spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, to expressions in the Maltese language and projects which she finds painful to accept as art. "It has always been my mission to ensure my truth reaches the right places," she says.

At least twice a week she takes a taxi to a destination, usually Valletta, either to run an errand or else to sit with her Maltese history books at the Upper Barrakka Gardens and "teach" tourists Maltese heritage, pointing out to them the hidden treasures of Malta which they wouldn't find along the tourist trail.

Ann Bianchi, whose parents Yvonne and Loris Bianchi, both in their late 80s, also reside at Casa Antonia, said her parents' decision to move into the residential home after her mother was struck by an illness provided the family with peace of mind that not only was her mother receiving the professional treatment she needed, her parents could live together with dignity and without unnecessary pressures of chores which they would otherwise not be able to handle on their own.

"When my wife was hit by an illness which limited her mobility, I realised that as much as I wanted, I could not give her the professional help she needed, so I decided that to aim to continue living a decent life, it was better for us to take residence in a home, where we could still be together and give each other what was within our reach and be assisted professionally for the rest," says Mr Bianchi.

"Moving into a home, my parents have been given a new lease of life," says their daughter. "Living in Canberra, I am unable to monitor and see to their needs. Knowing the kind of care they receive here gives me immeasurable peace of mind.

"Attention here is both individual and communal and it is so heart-warming to see my parents' eyes twinkle as they lap in this luxury of attention. They have their own space, which is generous and includes a spacious terrace where father looks after his plants and entertains the whole family when we visit. A collector of musicals, comedies and other classics, my father has now also taken it upon himself to organise cultural evenings for the residents."

Deciding to move into a home is not always an easy decision to take, as Edward Vella, managing director of Casa Antonia, confirms. "We offer a high level of service which respects the dignity our elderly deserve. Once residents settle here and find this out for themselves, they come to peace with the move, but often the decision is resisted not only by the elderly themselves but also by the family members as they feel they ought to be the ones to look after their parents in most cases," he says.

Yet guilt is an unnecessary emotion which hinders the decision to take the necessary action according to circumstances. "Bar a few exceptional cases, families love and care about their elderly, but the busy lifestyle we are sustaining leaves us with relatively no time to give the tender loving care and treatment elderly people grow to need," says Simone Bartolo, head of care at Casa Antonia. "Refusing to realise that this sense of guilt may actually keep elderly people away from what they truly need, including to be surrounded not only by carers but also by other people their age, may actually compromise their sense of wellbeing.

"Loneliness is a major cause of distress in old age. An elderly person will feel neglected, which can cause immeasurable psychological disturbances and contribute to physical deterioration. At such a vulnerable age, it becomes increasingly easier to succumb to sorrow and the trials and tribulations of life than to strive for hope. Older people need to be in an environment that feels safe and supportive to have a continuous sense of belonging, rather than the overwhelming frustration of different degrees of dependency," says Ms Bartolo.

Moving into a residential home - what to do

Introducing an elderly person to a home is not an easy subject both to the person in question and to the family.

Exchanging views with people who have been through the experience and who are benefiting from joining a caring home will help.

Discussing the matter with the professionals and carers involved also helps to build the peace of mind required that the elderly person will be well looked after.

The best way to discuss the issue of joining a home with an elderly person is by involving them in every step along the way to empower them to make up their own mind on what works best for them without being pressed.

If the person is introduced to a home when he is still healthy, both physically and mentally, this will give them the time to adjust to the new surroundings and befriend the caring staff and other residents.

This will also ease out any discomforts with more personal care a resident may grow to need in the future.