Private lives in public places

Fr Ġorġ Dalli may have created controversy by saying he could not deny Holy Communion to a cohabiting woman but his words echoed similar sentiments by a senior cardinal on divorced Catholics last year.

The former Archbishop of Milan and veteran Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini had urged the Church to find solutions for admitting divorced Catholics who remarried to the sacraments.

"There are some Catholics who are today in an irreversible and innocent state. They have taken on new obligations to children from a second marriage and there is absolutely no reason for going back. Indeed, such a choice would not be wise," Cardinal Martini had said.

His thoughts were published last year in the book We're All In The Same Boat, a compilation of dialogues between him and Fr Luigi Maria Verzé, founder of the San Raffaele University and Hospital in Milan.

Cardinal Martini also made it clear he was not talking about all divorced Catholics because the Church "must not favour flimsiness and superficiality but rather promote fidelity and perseverance".

In many ways, what Fr Dalli said on television two weeks ago has semblance to the words of Cardinal Martini, only the subject was not divorce but cohabitation.

However, the priest's exact words were taken out of context in the debate that ensued after the Xarabank programme, which also prompted the bishops to issue a statement reminding cohabiting couples they could not receive the Eucharist even though they were welcome in the Church.

Fr Dalli was answering a question by programme host Peppi Azzopardi about a woman's particular case when he uttered the controversial words: "I would be abusing my power were I not to administer Holy Communion."

Subsequently, Fr Dalli also drew a distinction between the different reasons that led people to cohabit and insisted he could not condemn a married woman who was abandoned with three children and who found meaning and love in a new relationship.

Faith was a personal relationship with God, he added, and people had their conscience.

These words seem to have been lost in the "circus" that ensued, according to Fr Ġwann Xerri, a Dominican.

"I am quite upset and hurt with the way all this issue is being dealt with. It is very sad how callous and discriminatory we can be," Fr Xerri said.

He refrained from putting cohabiting couples all in the same basket insisting there was no such thing as a "cohabiting people".

"My experience tells me there is a unique individual with her particular history in a unique relationship with another individual, who is also a unique person with a particular history, and their unfathomable personal and joint journey of faith with yet another person, God!"

The personal touch in dealing with cohabiting people was also raised by Fr Paul Galea, senior lecturer at the University's Faculty of Theology, who said prohibition was "certainly not the right way to engage" with these couples.

"Nothing replaces the personal pastoral encounter either in the confessional or in a counseling setting," Fr Galea said.

However, he did point out that prohibition to receive Holy Communion was based on two arguments: upholding the moral teaching and reducing scandal.

"The difficulties arise with couples who presumably live a life like married people without actually being married. According to Christian morality, sexual activity is licit only between married couples. Engaging in sexual relationships before or outside marriage goes against the sixth commandment, if not against the ninth," Fr Galea said.

His concern was also about scandal and the Church being perceived as condoning cohabitation if it administered Holy Communion.

"If the couple is known to be living in an irregular state this could create problems of a pastoral nature by setting a bad example or scandal to those who know them," he said.

He insisted it could also be interpreted as "open defiance" of Christian morality and the priest who, "knowingly or unknowingly, gives them Holy Communion could be interpreted as approving of their behavior".

Fr Galea did call for a different approach, "imbued with understanding and love" to engage with those cohabiting and help them reach a solution that respects both moral law and their conscience.

"People who understand the reasons behind the prohibition rather than feel offended often feel challenged to do something about their situation and try to change as much as it is possible," he said.

The moral dilemma was also posited by sociologist Fr Joe Inguanez, who widened the discussion beyond cohabitation, which he described as a "loaded word".

"Is it correct for a Catholic who is having extramarital sexual relations to receive Holy Communion? Our bishops have given a clear reply. In my view, when anyone appeals to his conscience, one cannot avoid giving very serious consideration to the teaching of the bishops," Fr Inguanez said.

Requirements are not equivalent to denials, he added, pointing out that the Church's teachings have consistently taught that one had to be in a state of grace to receive certain sacraments.

"I think the best way of dealing with people on any matter, but more so in questions of conscience, is through a loving search for truth. The avoidance of truth on the part of either saints or sinners is a way of blocking communication with God and men," Fr Inguanez said.

The Church's stand on cohabiting couples and their eligibility for Holy Communion is bound to remain a bone of moral contention inside the walls of religious officialdom as much as for the flock of people outside those walls.

However, according to Fr Xerri a myriad of issues from the civil regulation of cohabitation to matters of faith and intimate processes are being stitched together, confusing the arguments at stake.

"They are being put in the same electric mixer and from this only something very indigestible can come out," he said.

It is possibly the aftereffect of eating the indigestible that has led to Fr Dalli's words being lost in translation.

What they said

Fr Ġorġ Dalli

"The Eucharist is not mine. I would be abusing my power were I not to administer Holy Communion. What shall we tell this woman... abandon your children and leave this man? If in her conscience she feels Christ is inviting her to participate in the Eucharist nobody has the right to interfere with her conscience."

The bishops

"We wish to affirm that everybody - these couples included - is welcome in the Church... however, the Catholic Church reiterates that those couples who live together outside of marriage are not to receive the Eucharist. The Church does not impose this as a form of punishment but, rather, because their way of living is not in conformity with the Sacrament of Christian marriage."